I ATE MY BOSS

Is this a gimmick? Missing the 'h'. So it would be tempting. That's the idea, right? To make brands tempting. Hot or cold.

Brands are getting notorious. Rhetoric is, when have they not?

There's a reason why brands don't have any USPs anymore. Instead, they have USPs. Ah? Unique Selling Philosophies.

The era of a car making people orgasm with its quintessential horsepower is vintage. Smoking hot angels on wicked boats who were turned on by men's body sprays have lost their wings a long time ago.

Washing powders are not so hell bent on removing the goriest of stains. In fact, they have taken the quantum leap and thanked the dirt itself. Woah!

Riding on features is a fanatic obligation. Like the women who had to sacrifice their lives in Sati. No matter how much you loved your brand, if you got too deep into it, you will get burnt unless you are showing the making of a Ferrari.

That's why brands today are serenely comfortable taking refuge in the bosoms of New Age mantras and doctrines that people can connect with and in the process make them laugh, cry, and react. When you make and sell something for the people, you better be people.

Just because Khal Drogo could ride a horse does not mean he can ride a brand. Let's say he did capture a brand. What's he going to do? Rape it? When you try to fuck a brand too much, the brand does not come to the street. You do. To drive a brand you need the skills of Tyrion. Omnipresent. Cross-cultured. Polyenthusiast.

Tyrion has fought. Counselled. Understands women. Not afraid to make fun of himself. And definitely not afraid to take risks. Size does not matter. Sorry, Complan.

Just as how brands have moved away from focusing on their core biology, resources in advertising and marketing have to look beyond who and what they are.

If you are a writer and want to just focus on writing, you may as well write your history. One that only you will be reading.

Eat your bosses if you have to. So long as they are delicious and give you the right nutrition to keep you going and growing.

You either get to eat. Or get to be eaten. If you are eaten, make sure you are tasty. Real delicious. And if you want to eat, you better know how to chew and digest. Because, in the end, you are what you eat.

Image credits: Christopher Dombres