The dis-service that women do themselves

• Centuries of patriarchy have affected us, women, at a subliminal level.
• It amounts to the fact that women don’t inherently believe that they deserve everything that a man does.
• Geeta Suthar, Co-Founder, COO and CBO, Fractal Ink writes about how patriarchy has affected the belief system of women in different ways.

When it comes to issues regarding women, some of the top topics that come to mind are harassment, the glass ceiling, equal pay, equal representation in the board room and more of that ilk. A little-noticed and lesser-discussed issue that afflicts us as a gender, and what I believe is almost all-pervasive is – how centuries of patriarchy have affected us, women, at a subliminal level. Generations of women have been told explicitly and implicitly that they come second to men, that thinking about themselves, their happiness, is not the mark of an ideal woman, so much that these beliefs now seem to be genetically encoded in us! It amounts to the fact that women don’t inherently believe that they deserve everything that a man does; and if they don’t have that deep-rooted belief, how can they aim for the same levels of recognition and success as their male counterparts?

It is enraging to hear a bright young member of my team, who has the intelligence and talent to grow into a leader, say that her family does not like women to work. She says that she used to be very ambitious before she got married but has had to dial back her dreams to suit her family’s ideals of what their daughter-in-law should be. She is thankful to be ‘allowed’ to work and is now clearly punching below her weight. What is sad is that she seems to see nothing very wrong in the situation.

Over the years, I have come across a number of instances, where female members of my team say that they put in a full day’s work in the office and then go home to cook and clean – by themselves and with no help from other family members. It does not occur to them to expect equal contribution to household chores from their husbands. These girls are resigned to the situation and what is worse, believe that this is the way it has to be.

One of the worst instances of the lack of self-worth I have come across in recent times is a conversation I had with a pretty senior member of my team. She was deeply appreciative of her in-laws which is quite the change from the norm. But what she was appreciative of, was shocking to me. She has a number of health issues and was thankful that her in-laws are not abusive because of these afflictions. How is someone who comes across as very mature and is great at handling client crises, not able to see that she deserves love and care in this situation and should not be happy by the lack of abuse?

These are a very small representation of the ways in which patriarchy has affected the belief system of women and gives one perspective to why there are not enough women in the board room. Why do girls value themselves so little? Why do they not stop to think that they deserve better? While organizations invest heavily in training women leaders, who already know how to fight and win battles, I wonder why is there no conversation about teaching young school-going girls that they can put themselves first sometimes? That they deserve happiness?

- This column has been written by Geeta Suthar, Co-Founder, COO and CBO, Fractal Ink