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<ul class="summary-list"><li>Brian Gross is a 49-year-old publicist in Los Angeles who has never had children.</li><li>He finds it easier to date older women now but is also content to be alone.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Brian Gross. It has been edited for length and clarity.Throughout my adult life, I've had several long-term <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/open-relationships-now-im-monogamous-marriage-2023-7">monogamous relationships</a>. I was even engaged once.Each of the relationships ended without children. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision, but several influences probably contributed to my <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/never-had-the-urge-have-children-im-childless-and-happy-2023-4">never having children</a> with the women I dated.My <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/you-do-not-need-to-understand-your-parents-divorce-2023-10">parents divorced</a> when I was a young adult, which was painful to watch. And since then, many friends who married and had kids, later divorced. It was tough to watch them go through it. I wasn't keen on doing the same.<h2 id="04246b6f-8a34-466a-ac44-9217373ebbde">I take care of my mom and brother</h2>I am a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/sandwich-generation-caregiving-minimum-wage-2024-5">caretaker for my mother</a> and brother, so I'm not in a position to even consider taking care of children. But I'm also very career-driven. Running a PR firm for the last 24 years has taken up so much time and energy.Between taking care of my family members and working long hours, how would I even begin to fit children into the equation?When I dated women seriously, we would have general discussions about whether she wanted children. A few women, like me, were very focussed on their work, and the discussion about kids didn't come up at all.I can recall a couple of times <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/child-free-life-only-child-guilt-2023-6">I felt pressured</a> by women I dated to have children, but it never panned out.The "How do you feel about children?" conversation is always intense, especially when one or both parties don't have definitive opinions. The thought of the impending conversation about it always made me a little stressed.<h2 id="d7fa9a28-b695-4cc2-90a4-06e48f3f1b7d">I'm open about not wanting kids</h2>But my last relationship, which lasted nearly four years and ended in January 2024, was with a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/older-women-dating-apps-experiences-tinder-bumble-2019-2">woman who was older than me</a>. We lived a lifestyle I appreciated, which included a lot of travel, and I never had to worry about the pressure to discuss kids. Because she couldn't have children at her age, that conversation didn't even exist. It was a huge stress relief.Whereas before dating her, I wouldn't have said kids were off the cards — after dating her, I would.This decision has led to dating being a bit more challenging.I meet women through dating apps and in day-to-day life. I've had to ask myself if I really want to be dating younger women who might want to start a family. While I would never rule out dating someone younger, I make sure that I am open and communicative about my preference not to have children if and when the relationship progresses. I wouldn't want to lead someone on only to dash their hopes by telling them I don't want to have kids.I find it much easier to date women who are my age and older because I don't even have to think about the potential for the conversation to happen.It's not just the idea of having kids I've let go as I have gotten older — I also no longer feel forced to have a serious relationship.When I was younger and on the fence about having kids, I unconsciously needed a relationship if children were going to be in my future. But now that I'm decidedly not having children and my age has eased, the pressure to be in a relationship has eased.Although I enjoy dating, it's not prioritized like it was in the past. I know what I want moving forward, and I am excited about the future. I like my life, work, hobbies, and aspirations. If someone comes along and we fit, fantastic. But it's not a need like it used to be.I'm more content than I've ever been in my life.

I'm 49 and don't want kids. I mostly date older women because of my choice.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Russia's defense industry is short some tens of thousands of skilled laborers.</li><li>Traditional gender roles limit women's participation in crucial jobs there, a report says.</li></ul>Russia's defense manufacturing sector is short some tens of thousands of skilled laborers — and its hard stance on traditional roles for women could be part of it, according to new reports.Two years into its war in Ukraine, Russia is ramping up its military with a record <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/sep/30/russias-defence-spending-to-rise-by-25-next-year-the-highest-since-the-cold-war">40% of its overall budget</a> now devoted to defense. It also plans to expand its number of <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/putin-orders-russia-army-expand-experts-cannot-do-this-forever-2024-9">active soldiers to 1.5 million</a>.That requires vast amounts of military equipment, and the infrastructure to support it.And that, in turn, requires workers, which Russia is currently struggling to find.In January, Russian President Vladimir Putin boasted that "over half a million jobs were created in the defense sector over the last year and a half alone," <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://tass.com/defense/1740983">according to Russian state-owned news agency TASS</a>.Yet, while the jobs may be there, the workers aren't.<a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.bbc.com/russian/articles/cd6qndy200xo">An analysis published this week by BBC Russia</a> found that in the space of a single month this summer, some 90,000 defense industry-related job postings had appeared, with wages much higher than average salaries.The BBC said there were some 18,600 vacancies for operators of computer numerically controlled machines, or CNCs, which are used for shaping materials and are in wide demand in manufacturing. But just 600 resumes had come in for those roles, the outlet reported.Some of the postings had stood unfilled for months, it added.Researcher Dara Massicot, who focuses on defense and security issues in Russia and Eurasia at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, highlighted labor shortage issues in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://carnegieendowment.org/research/2024/09/russian-military-reconstitution-2030-pathways-and-prospects?lang=en">a recent paper</a> on how Russia is reconstituting its military.Workers who would normally plug the gap — such as migrants, students, and prisoners — are now being used as combatants to fight in Ukraine, she wrote."According to conservative estimates, wartime emigration and military mobilization have cost the workforce about 600,000 working-age males," Massicot said.Russia does have one largely untapped source of labor for the defense industry: women. But here it finds itself in a bind.Since the 1970s, women in Russia have been barred from a raft of professions that are crucial to the defense sector, for fear of harming their fertility or a pregnancy, according to Massicot."Women are prohibited from certain occupations deemed physically dangerous," she wrote, giving examples such as those that deal with hazardous chemicals or heavy metals, which rules out many defense industry jobs.Women are also barred from jobs like mining, heavy lifting, operating heavy machinery, most metallurgy, and handling various chemicals, she added.By contrast, 5% of US welders are female, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://weldingworkforcedata.com/">according to the American Welding Society</a> — a small proportion of the workforce that still amounts to tens of thousands of available workers."Russia would rather import foreign labor and use convicts than change the labor code (from the 1970s) to allow Russian women into certain types of jobs," Massicot <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://x.com/MassDara/status/1841921332230967464">wrote on X this week</a>.But Russia is in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/russia-economy-population-decline-worker-shortage-growth-outlook-ukraine-war-2024-8">a demographic spiral</a>, which pre-dates COVID and the mass mobilization for the war in Ukraine.At the end of 2023, Russia was short a record 5 million workers across all sectors, according to an estimate from the Russian Academy of Science's Institute of Economics, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/russia-short-around-48-million-workers-2023-crunch-persist-izvestia-2023-12-24/">Reuters reported at the time</a>.The decline in Russia's labor force is forecast to continue until 2040, Massicot wrote.Meanwhile, Russia <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="c-link" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/russia-economy-ukraine-war-moscow-military-spending-currency-inflation-budget-2024-9">is now leaning on the war to keep its economy from collapsing</a>, putting more pressure on its labor force. Economists say the war is the only thing keeping Russia from <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="c-link" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/russia-economy-ukraine-war-moscow-military-spending-currency-inflation-budget-2024-9">entering an immediate recession</a>.Yet Russia appears to be focusing on longer-term solutions to its demographic issues, with a strong turn toward traditional roles for women.Putin recently reminisced about a time when women "had seven or eight children, and maybe even more," adding that "large families should be the norm," <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-12-08/abortion-restrictions-and-discouragement-of-female-university-students-moscow-wants-russian-women-to-focus-on-childbearing.html">El País reported</a>.Last summer, Russia's Minister of Health Mikhail Murashko proposed policy tweaks that would reduce women's access to abortion, saying that there is a "vicious practice" of prioritizing a woman's career before children, per El País.This would make bringing women into defense manufacturing a hard cultural and political pivot, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://x.com/MassDara/status/1841922270962364867">Massicot said on X</a>.

Russia's defense industry has a massive labor shortage. Rules on what jobs women can do are part of the issue.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Late billionaire Mohamed al-Fayed has been accused of sexually assaulting multiple women.</li><li>Lawyers claimed he used wealth and power to manipulate victims.</li></ul><a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/who-are-al-fayed-family-the-crown-mohamed-dodi-princess-diana-2022-11">Mohamed Al-Fayed, </a>an Egyptian-born billionaire, owned Harrods, a luxury London department store, for 26 years. His son was Princess Diana's partner, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/princess-diana-and-dodi-fayed-relationship-timeline-2023-11">Dodi Fayed</a>, who died alongside her in a Paris car crash in 1997.After decades of fame and controversy, Al-Fayed died last August aged 94.Now, after years of mounting evidence and speculation, multiple women have come forward to say Al-Fayed sexually assaulted them.Lawyers representing 37 people who said they were sexually abused by Al-Fayed — including former Harrods employees — spoke at a news conference reported by <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://news.sky.com/story/mohamed-al-fayed-was-a-monster-enabled-by-harrods-according-to-lawyers-representing-his-alleged-victims-13218203">Sky News</a> and <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1m9r3pl31yt">BBC News.</a>The lawyers said Al-Fayed used "his wealth and power to manipulate and control victims," many of whom were aged between 19 and 24 when they started working for Al-Fayed.Some were as young as 15 and 16, they added.Lawyer Gloria Allred said the allegations against Al-Fayed included serial rape, attempted rape, sexual battery, and sexual abuse of minors.She said there was "something rotten at the core of Harrods," adding that there was an abusive environment "underneath the glitz and glamour."Friday's news conference followed an <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz6x635wpjxo">investigation by the BBC</a> in which 20 former employees of Al-Fayed said he sexually assaulted or raped them."I made it obvious that I didn't want that to happen. I did not give consent. I just wanted it to be over," one unnamed woman, who said Al-Fayed raped her at his apartment in London's upmarket Park Lane, told the broadcaster.Another unnamed woman, who said she was a teenager when the billionaire raped her, told the BBC he was "a monster, a sexual predator with no moral compass whatsoever."She added that employees were viewed as his "playthings" and that he "actively cultivated fear."The BBC's reporting uncovered how Harrods failed to intervene and protect the women who said they had been abused.In an <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://response.harrods.com/">online statement,</a> the store, which Al-Fayed sold in 2010, said, "We are utterly appalled by the allegations of abuse perpetrated by Mohamed Al Fayed. These were the actions of an individual who was intent on abusing his power wherever he operated and we condemn them in the strongest terms.""We also acknowledge that during this time his victims were failed and for this we sincerely apologise. We are doing everything we can to fix this," the statement added.The online statement also included a form where current or former employees who had been abused by Al-Fayed could get in touch.Al-Fayed faced some accusations of sexual misconduct while he was still alive.In 2008, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/10/22/alfayed.allegations/index.html?iref=nextin">CNN</a> reported that he denied sexually assaulting a minor when questioned by police.In a 2018 <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.channel4.com/news/new-allegations-of-sexual-assault-against-mohamed-al-fayed-by-three-women-including-15-year-old-employee">Channel 4 News investigation</a>, multiple women said they were sexually harassed and assaulted by Al-Fayed.Al-Fayed owned Harrods for 26 years and later owned Fulham Football Club and the Paris Ritz. <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/tylerroush/2024/09/19/harrods-utterly-appalled-by-rape-allegations-against-late-billionaire-mohamed-al-fayed/">According to Forbes</a>, his net worth was around $2 billion when <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mohamed-al-fayed-buried-26-years-after-princess-diana-death-2023-9">he died</a>. He was reportedly buried alongside his son. Princess Diana and her sons Prince William and Prince Harry, famously vacationed on Fayed's yacht in St. Tropez in 1997 — events that were dramatized in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/who-are-al-fayed-family-the-crown-mohamed-dodi-princess-diana-2022-11">Netflix's "The Crown."</a>

Mohamed Al-Fayed, the late billionaire with links to the royal family, has been accused of sexually abusing multiple women

It is no secret that women often outlive men. The global average life expectancy in 2021 was about 68.4 years for men. In contrast, this stood at 73.8 years for women. As such, it is far more important for women to begin planning for their golden years as early as possible. Perhaps realizing this, more women are getting into investing than ever before! Even better, women save about 5% more each month than men. A recent Max Life's India Retirement Index Study (IRIS 4.0) also highlighted a similar sentiment: women are increasingly taking charge of their retirement and finances. Per the study, urban Indian working women are now keeping pace with men, with 66% being confident that their current investments will guarantee a financially secure retirement life. In terms of health, 48% of urban Indian working women feel confident that they will continue to stay fit and healthy in their retirement years. Encouragingly, a whopping 68% of urban Indian women have already started investing for their retirement. Amongst their preferred investment avenues are life insurance (65%), bank FDs/RDs (45%), medical insurance (36%), and mutual funds and SIPs (14%). The awareness is not limited to women; young urban Indians are awakening to the realization that retirement planning should be kicked off as soon as possible. Per IRIS 4,0, 44% of Indians consider the right age to start planning for retirement to be before 35 years, a jump from 38% in IRIS 3.0. An overwhelming 93% of respondents aged above 50 regret delaying their retirement planning. Says Priyanka Bhatia, Co-Founder of Women on Wealth, "Women, by and large, live longer than men and may confront professional interferences, which influence retirement reserve funds essentially. Beginning in your 20s permits women to create strategies that account for longevity risks and potential income gaps. Investments like annuities and dividend-paying assets guarantee a consistent income stream post-retirement, permitting ladies to explore monetary freedom even in later years.". Not to mention, beginning early also permits individuals to take advantage of tax-efficient investments over a more drawn-out period. In India, instruments like the National Pension Scheme (NPS) offer tax benefits that develop over the long haul. By expanding these exceptions from a young age, women can grow their retirement reserve funds while reducing taxable income in each financial year. Bhatia notes that even if one is planning to retire early, it does not only mean putting something aside for your 60s. It is also about adaptability to pick semi-retirement choices, work in sectors driven by passion, or even pursue entrepreneurial ventures without financial pressure. "Beginning in your 20s allows you to amass funds that can allow for early retirement, empowering a change to lifestyle-oriented work or community contributions later in life," Bhatia signs off.

Planning for your retirement in your 20s? Here's why it is a smart move!

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Setu Shah coaches new parents on preparing financially for a baby.</li><li>She started after having her son, who is now two.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with <a target="_blank" href="https://www.financialdoula.com/about">Setu Shah</a>, founder of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.instagram.com/financialdoula/">Financial Doula</a>. It has been edited for length and clarity.When I was <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-about-pregnancy-before-getting-pregnant-2022-10">pregnant with my first child</a>, I was as proactive as possible. Even so, I ended up in a financial situation that I just didn't expect.At my son's birth, I had some complications that led to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-millennials-giving-up-medical-care-cant-afford-costs-2024-2">additional medical costs</a>. A few weeks later, my family had a water leak in our house, leading to expensive repairs. Then, less than three months after I returned from maternity leave, I was laid off.Luckily, I <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-get-medical-bills-reduced-negotiate-challenge-payment-plan-2024-9">didn't go into debt</a> but blew through my savings. I also found myself feeling financially dependent on my husband, which wasn't a plan I ever had. I'd always been very autonomous.Now I work with parents for them to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/am-i-ready-to-have-a-baby-2018-2">be financially ready</a> before welcoming a baby into their lives.<h2 id="90bd853d-82f9-4628-9d1e-2fd6de9a2675">I realized other people were in similar situations</h2>I am savvy with money but still surprised by the financial realities of my first year of parenthood. I realized other parents — moms particularly — were likely struggling too. I wanted to help parents go into parenthood with a firm understanding of the costs, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/status-symbol-items-for-parents-snoo-doona-tripp-trapp-2024-7">not just for baby gear</a> and childcare but also for unexpected items that go hand-in-hand with parenting. I started<a target="_blank" href="https://www.financialdoula.com/"> Financial Doula</a> before my son's first birthday.I've seen that adding a baby to your family can easily cost $2,000 to $3,000 a month, especially if you're <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/family-paid-over-fifty-thousand-dollars-for-childcare-2024-11">hiring childcare</a>. Yet, I encourage my clients to think beyond cost: time becomes even more precious when you become a parent. You have to weigh up the costs of services versus their impact on your life.Here are the three items that all parents should budget for during the first year and beyond.<h2 id="827ee064-654e-4cd2-9808-1e8bfe2eb8a2">1. Childcare changes</h2>Childcare is a massive expense that many parents know to budget for. However, I've learned that first-time parents need to have a lot of flexibility in this budget line.During the first year, changing child-care situations two or three times is normal. You don't know what will work for you or your baby until you live it. So, if you're planning on family watching your child, budget extra for occasional paid childcare. If you're planning on day care, consider creating a buffer in case you need a nanny. Changing your mind is OK; having financial resources can make that easier.<h2 id="b806abbe-7cde-4be9-9386-6fb94a38a975">2. Physical and mental health</h2>In the first year postpartum, there are so many small supports that can help parents, especially moms. A lactation consultant, postpartum doula, or sleep coach can significantly improve your quality of life. Yet, I see a lot of people who don't budget for these services because they're expensive and can be seen as wants, not needs. Still, parents need to take care of their physical and mental health.<h2 id="8505af0b-90fb-41ad-8462-83aa17056d58">3. A paid village</h2>Next are items that can make running a household easier: things like lawn maintenance, a cleaning service, meal delivery kits, etc. If you have two working parents, these are essential.Sometimes, women need help in justifying these costs, especially if their male partner is making more money than they are. I try to remind families that having a baby is a combined, joint decision. Investments in items that make housekeeping and childcare easier benefit both parents, not just the mom. Unfortunately, remembering that requires a shift in our cultural mindset.<h2 id="306b40b2-6be4-44fd-88b7-a6f1d20deda2">These 2 questions can help open money conversations</h2>Having a baby brings a lot of financial stress that many couples haven't faced before. You can never predict all the costs, but having honest conversations about finances and money psychology can help you and your partner understand each other's behavior around money. These questions are a great starting point:<ul><li>What are your priorities during this period of life? For the next two years, where do you want most of your energy directed? Are there ways that you're spending your money, time, or energy that you'd like to shift?</li><li>What does it mean to you to raise and care for a child? What do you envision your family dynamics and interactions as? How can intentional spending and budgeting help you reflect that?</li></ul>These are questions I consider as we think about having a second baby. Right now, my husband has an intense career where he works long hours outside the home. I'm focused on launching my business. We're spending a lot of time thinking about what a second child might mean for the family as a whole and its impact on each of us individually. If we decide to grow our family, I want to be very clear about the costs — those we can plan for and those we can't predict.

I'm a financial doula. Here are 3 things new parents should budget for, plus questions they should ask themselves about money.

Meet the 125 women competing to be Miss Universe 2024

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Randi Braun is a millennial mom of three children ages 8, 6, and 2 months old. </li><li>When two of her children were in full-time childcare, she and her husband spent $59,520. </li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Randi Braun, a bestselling author and executive coach. It has been edited for length and clarity.When I <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-about-pregnancy-before-getting-pregnant-2022-10">found out I was pregnant</a> with my first child, my first feeling was absolute elation, and my second was crippling anxiety about if I would be able to find and afford childcare.People had talked to me about it long before I decided to have a family.During my pregnancy, I spent so much energy focusing on <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/how-i-found-affordable-childcare-2019-5">finding the right day care</a>. It was like "The Hunger Games." I remember putting my name down on waiting lists, desperate to get into somewhere that would fit in with our commutes to work. Eventually, we found ourselves having two kids in the same day care, which <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/childcare-too-expensive-unaffordable-2024-3">cost a fortune.</a> I still think it was worth it. <h2 id="18b3caf6-7e65-4b1d-bf8a-21182e30b4a5">I spent time after giving birth calling day cares</h2>I looked at my husband one night over dinner and said that from researching the costs of childcare, one of us was going to have to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-youre-about-to-be-promoted-2015-9">get a new job or promotion</a>. We both hustled, and I ended up getting a promotion, and he ended up getting a new job. We were incredibly lucky to be in the financial position we were in, more privileged than many.My daughter was born, and I still hadn't heard back if we had gotten into any of the centers I had expressed interest in. Even though <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/mental-health/lack-of-sleep-effects">I was sleep-deprived</a>, I spent every bit of time I had while she was napping, emailing, and calling day care centers.Finally, someone from a big chain day care got back in touch and said there might be a spot. I said I could come for a tour as soon as they could have me. I went later that afternoon with my checkbook ready in my purse. After the tour, he said he would write up an offer letter and send it over later. I suggested he draft the letter there and then, and I could go ahead and pay the deposit. I was not leaving without securing my spot.My daughter got in.Once I was in the big chain's system, I could more easily move her to other centers under their umbrella. About a year later, I switched her to a slightly cheaper center closer to our house.<h2 id="bda3b445-fd1c-4e7b-902d-d13ef5cc927c">I told the day care director I was pregnant again before my own parents</h2>The first thing I did when I found out I was expecting our second child was to go to the director's office."My parents don't even know I'm pregnant yet, but I really need to get this baby on the waitlist," I told her.Once again, my husband and I sat down and had to figure out how we were <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/nanny-share-more-expensive-than-day-care-pros-cons-2024-4">going to afford to put another child in day care</a>. It was a necessity we had to figure out how to pay for.Right before giving birth, I found out our second baby, a son, would have a space in the same day care center as my daughter. The catch was that the spot would open when he was only one week old. If we wanted to guarantee the spot, we would have to start paying for it then, so I started paying for him four <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/high-childcare-costs-in-us-women-workforce-cheapest-countries-kids-2024-2">months before I went back to work</a>. People couldn't believe I did it — paid for childcare I wasn't even using — but I would tell them there was no other option. He either wouldn't have care, or he would have been in a different facility from my daughter. Putting them in different centers would have been practically impossible for our family, given our work commutes and the pre-pandemic lack of flexibility for parents.<h2 id="81e1dbb6-a55c-45a3-8a02-4e0fe199c866">The cost of day care was double our monthly mortgage</h2>Just when we started to hang of paying a monthly bill for childcare that was twice the cost of my mortgage, I decided to take my part-time business full-time.A major consideration in being able to quit my corporate job was whether we could afford day care if I did. We ultimately built up a savings account that would take us through six months of their day care tuition.I remember writing that first check to pay for two children. I handed it to the day care director, and it hurt. It was one of the scariest moments.For years, we paid a lot of money for our two children to be taken care of while we worked. In the 2020/2021 school year, we paid $59,520 in childcare costs. That was twice the amount I was paying for the mortgage. But this amount is the "market rate" in Washington, DC, where the going rate for basic childcare is anywhere from $2,000 to $2,700 per child.<h2 id="77393d7d-50f6-4c0b-af97-4df0a364321d">We stopped paying when they got into public preschool</h2>We continued paying this amount the entire time both of my older children were in full-time either childcare or public school. When my daughter was 5 and my son 3, we were able to access Universal Pre-K, leaving us to only pay for after-school childcare. You have to literally "lottery in" on the schools for Universal Pre-K and it's not available in all states. When you get it, it feels like you've won the jackpot.The freedom of not paying tens of thousands of dollars each year on childcare felt incredible. It was life-changing. We were able to move from our two-bedroom house to something a little bigger because we knew that a huge portion of our income would be freed up, and we could save more money for the kids to go to college.Although there were several reasons we decided to wait to have our third baby, childcare costs were one of the factors. It would have been financially impossible to have three kids in full-time childcare.<h2 id="9ab31146-8164-46c1-b440-6e42990e4894">I enjoy working</h2>When I spoke about the price of childcare on social media, some people questioned why I hadn't decided to stay home with them to avoid the cost of childcare.The motherhood penalty was on my radar. It's a phenomenon in which women's wages stagnate or decrease during childbearing years. They either leave the workforce and come back later, which impacts their long-term potential, or they stay on and are perceived as less committed. I didn't want that to be me.I also saw the long-term value of spending huge amounts of my salary on childcare. Even if everything I made was going back out on childcare, I was still saving in my 401(k) and would have much more money over the course of my lifetime.But most importantly, I love my job. I want to keep doing it while also parenting, and this shouldn't be just a privilege.

I spent nearly $60,000 when 2 of my kids were in full-time childcare. We delayed having a 3rd child because we couldn't afford it.

This article is part of "<a target="_blank" rel="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/category/workforce-innovation">Workforce Innovation</a>," a series exploring the forces shaping enterprise transformation.For years, diversity, equity, and inclusion <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-dei-serious-workspace-hr-professional-2023-12">has been a central strategy</a> at many companies, shaping workplace cultures, HR practices, and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/diverse-talent-diversity-retaining-chief-people-officer-2024-3">recruitment and retention initiatives</a>.Recently, though, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/woke-capitalism-reversal-google-unilever-bud-light-esg-dei-2024-5">momentum has shifted</a>. High-profile figures <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-duking-it-out-mark-cuban-dei-and-racism-2024-1">like Elon Musk</a> have accused DEI of fueling the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/bill-ackman-says-dei-is-racist-2024-1">culture wars</a> and labeling it "woke." Meanwhile, companies like <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/companies-cutting-dei-activist-backlash-harley-davidson-deere-tractor-supply-2024-8">Harley-Davidson, Molson Coors</a>, Lowe's, and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/john-deere-ditches-dei-policies-conservative-activists-lgbtq-pride-pronoun-2024-7">John Deere</a> have scaled back or dropped their DEI programs.A survey by the executive-search firm Bridge Partners of 400 C-suite and HR leaders at companies with at least $25 million in revenue or 250 employees found that the number of employers who said they had increased their DEI investments in the past year dropped to 66% in 2024 from 77% in 2023. Roughly one in four executives suggested they believed DEI programs were a fad.But amid the backlash, some organizations are refining their DEI strategies, focusing on <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/belonging-better-goal-diversity-inclusion-improve-economy-workplace-2022-5">belonging, inclusion</a>, and fair pay alongside other diversity metrics. Companies like Ancestry, Mitre, and HLW are using data to evaluate employee experiences while addressing equity through cultural programs, training, and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gender-wage-pay-gap-charts-2017-3">compensation reviews</a>."Many organizations remain committed to DEI, but their strategies are shifting," said Maryam Kouchaki, an Academy of Management scholar who teaches at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University. "We're seeing more reframing of DEI efforts and a stronger emphasis on systematically linking DEI to a business case."The goal, she said, is to create sustainable, long-term DEI programs that are not performative but grounded in strategies that benefit both employees and the organization. Research suggests that diversity leads to <a target="_blank" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30765101/">better performance and decision-making</a> as well as <a target="_blank" href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4908090/">greater team satisfaction</a>."DEI isn't just hiring a diverse workforce — it's about ensuring employees feel respected, included, and that they belong," Kouchaki said. "This is a chance for companies to reassess and get it right."<h2 id="78b56ab1-b2aa-4922-8718-f59ffbe09043">Creating an equitable employee experience</h2>In the wake of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/category/george-floyd">George Floyd's murder</a> in 2020, corporate America rallied around DEI initiatives, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/jpmorgan-racial-equity-economy-within-own-walls-2021-3">pledging billions of dollars</a> to address racial inequities. But amid economic pressures and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/supreme-court-ends-affirmative-action-colleges-decision-2023-6">increasing political opposition</a>, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/microsoft-layoffs-dei-leader-email-2024-7">enthusiasm has waned</a>.Kouchaki said part of the criticism of DEI stemmed from the perception that these initiatives were more lip service than action. "Some companies committed to unrealistic goals or didn't know how to implement them effectively," she said.Three years ago, Ancestry, the genealogy and DNA-testing company, launched its "Drive to 45 by 25" initiative, aiming to have 45% of its workforce come from underrepresented populations by 2025. While the company made progress in recruiting diverse talent, these new hires were leaving at higher rates than other employees."We realized we had to be more intentional about creating an equitable employee experience," said Shane Koller, the head of people at Ancestry and a participant in BI's Workforce Innovation board.In response, the company introduced "Amplify Voices," a speaker series featuring academics, authors, and activists offering insights into marginalized communities' experiences. It also developed programming to celebrate cultural-heritage months, bolstered its employee resource groups, and instituted a Global Day of Understanding, an annual event encouraging frank discussions about DEI.Recognizing that cultural events alone were insufficient, Ancestry adopted a systematic approach to pay equity. In 2022, the company overhauled its people-analytics tools to review compensation, promotions, and raises across race, gender, and ethnicity. This analysis aimed to identify and eliminate disparities in employee advancement and compensation.Ancestry conducts compensation analyses twice a year, taking into account factors that affect pay such as role, level, location, and performance. It says that if it finds unexplainable differences in proposed pay, it adjusts up appropriately."It's great to have events and build inclusion and belonging," Koller said, "but at the end of the day, if our systems and processes are not helping us achieve an equitable experience, we're fighting an uphill battle."<h2 id="eb3bf266-dd06-4920-b5e9-d1846df52b29">Data as a 'proof of concept'</h2>Some organizations struggle to identify their diversity gaps and how to address them.To tackle this, Mitre, a nonprofit R&amp;D company serving US government agencies, turned to Aleria, a tool designed to measure inclusion by collecting qualitative and quantitative data across the company.The software allows employees to anonymously share details such as their age, gender, race, and title and answer prompts about their job satisfaction and barriers to doing their best work. The tool analyzes responses, highlighting patterns and practices that need improvement."Our people are data-driven," said Heba Mahmoud, a senior manager of inclusion and diversity at Mitre. "At first they thought DEI was about feel-good emotions, but the data showed it's critical to our daily work. When employees don't feel included or like they belong, they aren't as productive or successful. This data became a proof of concept."Based on the feedback data, Mahmoud's team launched an internal campaign focused on improving respectful communication and collaboration. This involved training sessions, workshops, and team-building activities. The team also encouraged employees to share positive experiences of inclusivity, to capture a representative range of experiences."Having this data was crucial in understanding where the gaps were, honing in on the issues, and offering specific recommendations to leadership," Mahmoud said.<h2 id="1e3c05de-9234-4a63-9904-9f1063213a94">Empowering managers</h2>Anjali Mathai, the director of DEI at HLW, an architecture and design firm, also said her company was adopting a data-driven approach to ensure equitable opportunities for its employees.A key part of this initiative is strengthening management training in areas like communication and unconscious bias. The training is designed to help leaders identify patterns in individual performance data and support employees."A manager might not have all the answers, and that's OK — but they need to serve as a bridge for their teams, making sure all employees have the training and resources they need to grow and advance," she said.Pay equity is also central to HLW's DEI strategy. The firm says that through annual compensation reviews, it has narrowed its gender pay gap to a maximum of 10% higher for men versus women, in certain roles. Mathai said it continues to reduce the gaps through promotion cycles.Heather Bussing, an employment attorney who cowrote the book "Get Pay Right," argued that as the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-trump-america-pac-targets-young-men-vote-2024-9">presidential election looms</a> and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/attacks-on-kamala-harris-got-deeply-sexist-and-extremely-ugly-2024-7">DEI remains a contentious issue</a> in many corners of business, companies using data to inform their DEI strategies are better positioned to navigate these challenges."Data can tell you things you don't want to see," Bussing said.But first, companies must commit to collecting the data. "They need to monitor it and look for places where there are problems and outcomes that are not what they want and be interested in addressing them," she said. "That requires a cultural shift."Bussing said companies that shy away from DEI initiatives may find themselves at a disadvantage. Demographic forces are powerful."We have an ongoing and permanent labor shortage for the foreseeable future," she said. "If you need humans to work at your company, you have to be OK with any qualified humans that show up, and they have to be able to work together."

As some companies scale back on DEI, others double down on their efforts

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Marika Frumes founded Mysha because she wanted a community of high-powered moms.</li><li>She says that executives and founders often have a difficult transition to motherhood.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Marika Frumes, founder of <a target="_blank" href="https://myshapods.com/">Mysha</a>. It has been edited for length and clarity.When I was pregnant with <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/young-parent-having-child-early-2023-8">my first child</a> in 2019, I felt very isolated. It was strange because I had made a career of bringing people together, including as the cofounder of<a target="_blank" href="https://www.instagram.com/her.usa/?hl=en"> HER</a>, a network for professional women.I realized that I had spent years immersed in a high-powered, high-energy world. My friends were always going, doing, and achieving. But <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-about-pregnancy-before-getting-pregnant-2022-10">in pregnancy</a>, all of a sudden I was tired. I didn't know how to reconcile the feelings of still liking corporate and hustle culture while I was starting to move in a new direction. I struggled to shift from a very masculine corporate energy to the more feminine energy that was part of motherhood for me.I searched for other moms-to-be who were experiencing a similar transition. I attended educational classes at a local baby boutique and <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/work-out-while-pregnant-personal-trainers-routines-exercise-modifications-2023-10">workout classes for pregnant people</a>, but I found it hard to connect.Finally, about a week before my son was born, I posted on Facebook. I said I wanted to talk to other professional women delivering a baby within two months of when I had my son. I suspected those would be the women who understood what I was going through — and I was right.<h2 id="9b181da6-a888-4bca-a9f0-0a5f640990c0">I realized lots of founders and executives had a hard transition to motherhood</h2>Within two hours, about 20 women had commented on my post. I made a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/useful-whatsapp-features-tips-and-tricks-2017-2">WhatsApp group</a> and started facilitating introductions. That was the beginning of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.instagram.com/myshapods/">Mysha</a>, a community that brings together remote pods of women who have babies around the same time. Mysha also hosts in-person events in LA, New York, and Miami.Because of the world I lived in, most of the people in my first pod were ambitious professional women. That's who Mysha has continued to serve: 70% of our members are executives, and 26% are founders.Like me, a lot of these moms have a tough <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/woman-shares-how-becoming-a-mom-changed-all-her-relationships-2023-5">transition to motherhood</a>. They've spent so much time and energy building their careers and nurturing their first baby — their business. Moving from that to motherhood can be very jarring. I want to provide the comfort I was looking for during that time.<h2 id="c9b5eeff-1ae2-4f9d-8594-27cb2099d736">High-powered moms can recognize their weaknesses</h2>Lots of the women at Mysha are really good at their jobs. When they <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mom-despite-loving-kids-beyond-words-being-happy-is-hard-2022-11">become moms and struggle</a> with the transition, that can feel like a slap in the face.Some can turn away from motherhood if they don't think they're excelling at it. I've tried to create a space where they can talk about their worries and weaknesses. We can say it's <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/live-in-nanny-babysitter-judged-parenting-styles-2024-2">OK when the nanny is better with the baby</a>. Let's recognize weaknesses and learn to grow — just like we've done professionally.<h2 id="d2013bf3-7395-4536-a14e-370c555add39">They connect through vulnerabilities</h2>I'm a founder, a partner, and a mom — parenting is just one part of who I am. Women want to feel like they still have their own identities, and motherhood is just one aspect. That's why Mysha events focus on moms, not babies.At our dinners, a conversation prompt I use a lot is, "What is your ask at the moment?" It gives people the chance to connect through their vulnerabilities, not just their accolades. It also builds community because when we ask for something, we give someone else an opportunity to shine. It's not too different from relying on our coworkers or co-founders.<h2 id="4aeef66f-59da-46ad-a826-35c72196d038">They have hard conversations</h2>Just like at work, sometimes it's important to have hard conversations about motherhood. Recently, Mysha hosted an event with Erica Komisar, a psychoanalyst and author of "<a target="_blank" href="https://affiliate.insider.com?h=3be5e9928fd407f4d92572d4b07474276c8cc7ea05709ace16d1194c4dffe9d0&amp;postID=6712a21ee5b54083005f277e&amp;postSlug=woman-started-a-community-for-c-suite-moms-2024-10&amp;site=bi&amp;u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBeing-There-Prioritizing-Motherhood-Matters%2Fdp%2F0143109294">Being There</a>," a book that advocates for mothers (in particular) to prioritize being physically around their children for the first three years of their lives.I knew it would be controversial because many people in our community struggle with guilt. Many working moms worry that they aren't home enough. The event led to a lot of discussion and powerful emotions, as well as learning. Anything that can elicit such strong emotions is worth talking about. Too often, we're in echo chambers, like professional moms vs. stay-at-home moms. Getting outside that can be powerful.I'm a mom of two now. I've learned there's nothing more important than realizing you're not alone.

What running a community for C-suite moms taught me about how to succeed

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Two US Navy aviators were killed last week when their fighter jet crashed during a training flight.</li><li>The Navy on Monday identified the two aviators as Lt. Cmdr. Lyndsay Evans and Lt. Serena Wileman.</li></ul>The two US Navy aviators who were killed in a fighter jet crash in the United States last week had recently returned from flying combat missions against the Houthis.Lt. Cmdr. Lyndsay Evans and Lt. Serena Wileman were killed when their EA-18G Growler <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.navytimes.com/news/your-navy/2024/10/20/navy-pronounces-missing-ea-18g-growler-jet-aviators-deceased/">crashed during a training flight</a> near Washington's Mount Rainier on October 15, the Navy <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.dvidshub.net/news/483570/remembering-two-trailblazing-aviators-lt-cmdr-lyndsay-miley-evans-and-lt-serena-dug-wileman">said</a> Monday.In a statement, the Navy's Carrier Strike Group 2, which is led by the flagship USS Dwight D. Eisenhower, described Evans and Wileman as two "highly skilled, combat-decorated" aviators. It said they had recently returned from a Middle East deployment with Electronic Attack Squadron 130, which flies the Growler, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/us-navy-electronic-attack-aircraft-first-air-to-air-kill-2024-7">an electronic-warfare aircraft</a> made by Boeing.<div type="image" title="Lt. Cmdr. Lyndsay &quot;Miley&quot; Evans and Lt. Serena &quot;Dug&quot; Wileman" height="1268" width="1585" msid="114438884" hostid="261" sizebytes="117644"></div>The squadron spent nine months aboard the Eisenhower <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/us-navy-carrier-strike-group-eisenhower-houthis-red-sea-2024-6">aircraft carrier</a>, which acted as the lead ship for the bulk of the Navy's <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/us-navy-battles-best-iranian-tech-red-sea-admiral-2024-10">counter-Houthi campaign</a> in late 2023 and during the first half of 2024.The Ike and its multiple squadrons mainly operated from the Red Sea, where they helped <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/us-navy-carrier-strike-group-fighting-houthis-fired-hundreds-munitions-2024-5">defend merchant shipping lanes</a> from relentless Houthi attacks. American forces have routinely shot down missiles and drones launched by the rebels and carried out strikes against them in Yemen over the past year.The Navy said that Evans and Wileman planned, coordinated, and flew multiple strikes into Houthi-controlled territory of Yemen during their monthslong deployment, making them two of the few women to fly combat missions over land.<div type="image" title="Two aircraft flying against a clear blue sky." height="2660" width="3990" msid="114438883" hostid="261" sizebytes="71930"></div>US <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/inside-us-navy-aircraft-carrier-tactics-shift-houthi-missiles-drones-2024-2">airstrikes in Yemen have targeted</a> Houthi weapons, launchers, radars, storage facilities, and other military sites used by the Iran-backed rebels, the aim being to degrade their capabilities.Evans was awarded two Single Action Air Medals for her role during strikes in January and three Strike Flight Air Medals for actions during missions between December and March.And Wileman was awarded three Strike Flight Air Medals for her role in combat missions between December and April.The Navy credited Evans with helping to develop and execute new warfare approaches, noting that "the tactics, techniques, and procedures for the EA-18G she pioneered defending against Houthi aggressions directly contributed to the successful defense of the entire CSG and will be used as a template for adaptability at the unrelenting pace of combat in future fights." Wileman was celebrated for her "calm and collected demeanor under pressure," even during combat operations."During their deployment, both Evans and Wileman distinguished themselves in combat operations," the Navy said of the aviators, who went by the call signs "Miley" and "Dug," respectively."Their efforts directly contributed to the Navy's mission defending US and Coalition forces while keeping the seas open and free with precision and purpose," the sea service said, adding that "these role models cemented legacies by making history that will inspire future generations of Naval officers and aviators."

US Navy aviators killed in stateside Growler fighter jet crash flew combat strike missions off a carrier in the Red Sea fight

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My mom and her mother-in-law were excellent role models growing up.</li><li>I aspired to have the relationship they had.</li></ul>Being a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-im-parenting-my-son-while-limiting-male-stereotypes-2021-11">mom to three boys</a> meant that the wives they chose were the closest I would ever come to having daughters of my own. Lucky for me, they made excellent choices, but I wanted to make sure I did not mess it up.Here's how I successfully navigate my relationships with my daughters-in-law.<h2 id="1b360f31-2d6c-4545-89f6-eaa46910fdf0">My mom had a great relationship with her mother-in-law</h2>I was fortunate to have an <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/im-not-a-perfect-mom-2022-6">excellent role model in my mom</a>, who revered her own mother-in-law and often referred to her as a saint. She was as close to her as she was to her own mother.My four sisters-in-law felt the same way about my mom. In the kitchen, they worked as a synchronized team: My mom never had to ask for help — they respected her and felt comfortable pitching in.When my three sons each brought home "the one," I knew I wanted the same type of relationship that my mom had with her daughters-in-law. Being the <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/inherited-mother-in-law-after-husband-died-difficult-relationship-2024-9">stereotypical evil mother-in-law</a> was my worst nightmare.<h2 id="78c9eec1-ca00-400c-b3f6-02e1d4bc4b21">I made time alone with them</h2>The three girls already felt like part of the family when my eldest son got engaged. To bond the relationship before making it official, I gave each girl a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/spa-day-at-home-self-care-miracle-2020-5">spa certificate</a> for Christmas. My intention was to have some alone time with them to establish a sisterhood, knowing women play a key role in holding families together.Since then, we have developed a complicity within our testosterone-dominant family. Knowing the boys and their dad sometimes butt heads on some matters, I respectfully requested their aid in keeping the peace when conflicts arise. I openly expressed my desire to have a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-youre-in-a-healthy-relationship-2023-11">healthy relationship</a> and asked for help in setting boundaries.To this day, I try my best to be discreet and ensure that my questions show genuine interest rather than prying. I work to create a climate where it is safe to share and express opinions without fear of judgment.<h2 id="0da2e147-3693-45e3-8cdc-70efb728a29c">I put effort into our relationship</h2>In turn, I offered help and support rather than advice when planning their showers, socials (a thing in our neck of the woods), weddings, and baby showers. I put effort into choosing thoughtful gifts tailored to their individual needs and interests on special occasions. After giving birth to my grandsons, I prepared and delivered a week's worth of complete home-made meals for them.The girls have also expressed their appreciation to me for being supportive and not overstepping or being intrusive. They value the effort I put into nurturing the relationship between us and trust that I have their best interests at heart. About 10 years in, our relationship is still going strong. Despite our very busy lives, we make regular family gatherings and creating family traditions a priority.<h2 id="41bf1e15-7e2a-47da-a912-32353c04d0e6">I babysit my grandkids</h2>I babysit the grandkids each Thursday to give the kids and parents a break from day care. We treasure our special day together, and at the end of their workday, their moms and dads join us for a homemade meal that I prepare during naptime. After supper, I quickly bathe and jammy up the kids while the parents visit and relax before going home all ready for bed.With respect to parenting, I make sure to keep the lines of communication clear by checking with Mom without going through Dad. I show respect for everyone's parenting style by asking questions, withholding judgment, and confirming with them whenever in doubt.One of them told me that she appreciates my being open-minded to new parenting styles such as baby-led-weaning and keeping up to date on child development to help the kids be their best. I take the time to think about what they really need and simply offer help.I appreciate each of my daughters-in-law as if they were my own girls. I strive to show recognition and appreciation for the vital role they play in our family. This has helped to create harmony and connection for us all.

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