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<ul class="summary-list"><li>I'm a quadruplet and have three brothers.</li><li>I've gone back and forth between wanting to be an individual and missing being with my siblings.</li></ul>It's always been such an easy icebreaker. Three words: <a href="https://www.insider.com/im-a-quadruplet-this-is-how-we-found-our-individuality-2022-3">I'm a quadruplet</a>.Cue the big reactions and questions about growing up with three brothers. Just to be clear: No, I can't read their minds, and I don't feel it when they hurt themselves. You'd be surprised how often I've gotten those questions. It's been a long time since it's been brought up in conversation, so I often forget that I'm unique in that regard. Then I hear, "Wow, you're the <a href="https://www.insider.com/woman-has-spontaneous-quadruplets-chances-are-one-in-1-million-2022-1">first quadruplet</a> I've ever met!" and I'm reminded that it's <a href="https://www.insider.com/i-was-pregnant-with-seven-fetuses-had-selective-reduction-2021-10">rare</a>. That feeling of being different has always been blatantly obvious on our birthday. Growing up, we had one cake with colored candles to indicate which corner was ours. My brothers were always one step ahead of me, and before I could even breathe in, the candles were out.Then, it finally happened. In college, I got my own cake with my own candles, and I hated it. It felt so strange. But there will always be this innate contrast between wanting space and needing them nearby. <h2>Being the only girl gave me some individuality</h2>For many years growing up, I was thankful for the ability to hide behind "the girl quad" label. It was easy, it was safe, and I could be somewhat invisible within the group.But then I moved away from our hometown, and no one knew I was a quadruplet. Initially, I had to learn to stop saying "we" and start saying "I." I'll never forget someone asking me one day, "Who is we, why are you saying that?" Since I didn't want others to think I had an imaginary friend or voices in my head, I stopped fairly quickly. But it still happens every now and then when I'm not paying attention. When it came to carving out an identity of my own, I had one thing my brothers didn't have: I was the only girl. Sports were my saving grace. I had softball, and my brothers had their respective sports (which made our parents' schedules even busier). It was everything I needed to feel separate. It was just my thing. As I got older, more things became individualized as my identity evolved. I'm a licensed professional counselor, I'm a wife, I'm a stepmother, I'm a mother, but the "girl quad" label will always be there.I found myself thinking about that label again recently when I became a mother to a little girl, and I genuinely wonder how the heck my mother did it.When I stop and think about my childhood, I visualize always having someone to play with — even if it got overly competitive. That support never went away, and now we have playdates with our kids. I'm so grateful for that.I was also incredibly excited that my brothers let me blow out my candles this year. It took 33 years, but dreams really do come true.

I'm a quadruplet and the only woman of my siblings. My whole life has been a balance of wanting to be alone and needing to be near my siblings.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My brothers and I were the first set of <keyword id="12948451" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="quadruplets" source="Orion">quadruplets</keyword> to survive birth in Colombia in 30 years.</li><li>As I got older, I fought my mom when she wanted us to dress the same.</li></ul>As my high-school principal in Miami read aloud the election results over the PA system, I prepared to share my victory. I could hardly remember any instance from my <a href="https://www.insider.com/woman-has-spontaneous-quadruplets-chances-are-one-in-1-million-2022-1">quadruplet</a> upbringing where three other male bodies didn't <a href="https://www.insider.com/i-was-pregnant-with-seven-fetuses-had-selective-reduction-2021-10">crowd</a> my shadow. <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/dy8dxz/my-story-as-a-quadruplet">My brothers</a> were announced first: David won president, Pablo vice president, and Lorenzo secretary. Despite my disdain for math, I begrudgingly ran for treasurer because they had called dibs on the other roles. The classroom fell silent when my teacher awkwardly congratulated me. "He lost!" someone shouted as I processed what that meant. She apologized for confusing me with my fraternal twin from her other classes. Our slogan was "Vote for the Quads," so I never imagined a humiliating defeat would cement my individuality. <h2>Ever since I was little, I wanted to explore my individuality</h2>I would've colored myself with a sharpie during my youth if it meant being labeled the black sheep.As a child, I persistently fought my mom against dressing alike or participating in the same activities. My siblings threw a pool party for our 11th birthday, while I chose to play video games inside alone. Teenage years arrived with more dangerous opportunities for rebellion. Since my brothers abstained from drinking or smoking, I believed every beer, cigarette, or puff of weed would further differentiate me from them. Moreover, I stayed away from any person my brothers befriended.Mom preached that we were stronger united, but their presence appeared like the kryptonite to my independence. Then came my election loss. It would be delusional not to understand that most voters had skipped my name.In school, I had gained a reputation that contrasted with my siblings, who were ambitious and kind. I often conflated humor with a mean spirit, struggling to be myself authentically. It wasn't until I was 20 years old, when I shared that I was gay, that I learned to trust people. <h2>Despite my attitude, my brothers always supported me</h2>Throughout junior year, my brothers participated in class-government activities, while I went home alone after school. In our empty house, I served as commander of our room and the entertainment — if only briefly.I loved David, Pablo, and Lorenzo, but I didn't particularly miss them like I would a friend, so the situation was neither liberating nor soul-crushing. But one day, while talking to David, I expressed concern about never winning. "Why don't we just create something?" he responded. The next day, he spoke with the activities director about adding a position, and the director reacted with excitement about having "all the quads."Likewise, during scholarship applications, Pablo confided to me that he skipped the Gates Millennium Scholarship to improve my chances of being one of the thousand students chosen from across the nation. "I know you want to move to New York," he said. "Besides, Harvard offers amazing financial aid." When Harvard accepted his early decision, I regretted mocking his confidence instead of praising his hard work, determination, and compassion. And my ego never allowed me to thank him when the scholarship committee selected me.My brothers ignored my baggage, and "the quads" ran again for student government in our senior year. At our high-school graduation, we held the four highest positions and were the sole speakers at the ceremony. The moment marked four blood-bound allies preparing to engage life's battles together, even when apart. But only one soldier wore an all-black tux to prom.

I'm a quadruplet. This is how I found my individuality beyond my brothers.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Madison Collier wasn't on any fertility drugs when she conceived <keyword id="12948451" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="quadruplets" source="Orion">quadruplets</keyword>.</li><li>The babies are now 4 months old, and Collier says life is busy.</li></ul>Last year, Madison Collier, a reading teacher in Georgia, went in to confirm her pregnancy with an <a href="https://www.insider.com/transvaginal-ultrasound">early ultrasound</a> at about eight weeks. It was all routine until the doctor informed Collier that he didn't see one baby in her uterus. He saw four. Collier's first clue that <a href="https://www.insider.com/i-was-pregnant-with-seven-fetuses-had-selective-reduction-2021-10">something was unusual</a> was when the doctor asked if she was on any fertility drugs. She wasn't. Collier's husband, Justin, had stayed home because he was dealing with allergies. So Collier was alone at the appointment, and her mind started racing."I'm like ohhh nooooo not twins!!!! And he goes no, not twins. And then I'm confused.. I'm literally thinking.. they come in more than that???? Now I'm panicked," Collier wrote in an <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CPMtQKYFx6S/">Instagram post</a>.Collier told Insider that she started hyperventilating, but she still wasn't sure the doctor was telling the truth. "I honestly couldn't believe it until he showed me on the screen," she said. <h2>Sharing the surprise</h2>Convinced that she was carrying four babies, Collier called Justin. He had to lie down on the floor because he felt faint. "It's literally the shock of a lifetime," Collier said. He added that "no one expects quads," especially "not natural ones." The Colliers' older daughter, Isla, was 3 at the time and curious about what was going on, with her dad lying on the floor and her mom crying on the phone. Justin told her she was going to have four younger siblings instead of one. "She said, 'Do we have a plan for four babies?'" Collier said. "And Justin told her that we did not."<h2>One in 1 million</h2>There are only about <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/multiple.htm">150 sets</a> of quadruplets and higher-order multiples born in the United States each year. Most often, they happen when a parent has been using assisted reproduction. Collier wasn't being treated for infertility, and she and Justin have no family history of multiples. <a href="https://keciagaither.com/">Dr. Kecia Gaither</a>, an OB-GYN, said the chances of spontaneous quadruplets fall somewhere between 1 in 700,000 and 1 in 1 million. A quad <a href="https://www.insider.com/doreen-ching-post-pregnancy-stretch-marks-facebook-2018-3">pregnancy</a> can occur when multiple eggs are released, or when eggs split. Collier's quads are two boys and two girls. But since the babies all had their own placenta, it's unclear whether any of them are identical twins. A simple genetic test could confirm whether they're identical. <div type="image" title="Spontaneous quadruplets" height="1536" width="2048" msid="88885617" hostid="261"></div>Carrying four babies increases the risk for complications to both mother and babies. One of the most common complications is preterm birth. Collier experienced that when the quads were delivered at about 28 weeks of gestation. The babies' weight ranged from 2 pounds and 5 ounces to 2 pounds and 10 ounces, and they needed to stay in the neonatal intensive-care unit.<h2>Life with 5 kids</h2>Today the quads — Calloway, Eliza, Iris, and Wilder — are 4 months old. A typical day involves changing about 30 diapers and feeding the babies every three hours."It's a lot of work, but they're very sweet," Collier said. "Sometimes they support each other in crying, so it gets really loud occasionally."Even before the babies were conceived, Collier's ability to work was limited because Isla has juvenile arthritis and needs frequent medical appointments. The family has started a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/the-one-where-the-colliers-have-quads?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&amp;utm_medium=copy_link_all&amp;utm_source=customer">GoFundMe</a> to help with the expense of their suddenly much larger brood, and Collier is settling into the family she never imagined. "They're actually really good babies," she said. "They've started to smile and make sweet cooing noises. It's the best!"

A woman had spontaneous quadruplets. The chances of this happening are one in 1 million, a doctor said.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Megan Smyth, a 35-year-old mom, has been a single mom to triplets for 18 months. </li><li>Teaching them basic chores at a young age has been crucial for her mental health.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Megan Smyth, mom to 3-year-old triplets. It has been edited for length and clarity.Eighteen months ago, I became the sole parent of <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/superfetation-pregnancy-twins-triplets-got-pregnant-while-pregnant-rare-case-2023-10">three identical triplet</a> toddlers — something I never thought I would say. Their dad is not involved in raising themI have sole custody of the boys, who are now 3. I work four days a week, which just about covers all our expenses — <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/mortgages/how-are-mortgage-rates-determined">the mortgage</a>, bills, clothes, and food — but needless to say, money is tight, and parenting three energetic boys on your own is exhausting. I spend most of my time refereeing wrestling matches.One thing I'm particularly proud of — and relieved by — is <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/british-family-raise-independent-children-japan-2024-2">how independent they are</a> now that they're 3 years old. As it's just me, I can't physically do everything for them all the time, so I've been intentional about teaching them to take care of themselves.<h2 id="3382bfbd-b1ac-4b0e-9d2d-318bb701a2bb">They know where to put dirty clothes and how to set the table</h2>For example, the boys all hang their coats up and put their shoes on the shoe rack when they come home from day care. They know to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/i-wanted-toddler-to-do-chores-like-netflix-old-enough-2022-6">put their dirty clothes in the washing basket</a> and washing machine. At dinner time, they know when it's time to set the table. They'll each take one knife, fork, spoon, plate, and cup to set their own place.Most evenings, they help tidy up their toys. They help me feed our pet fish and help me pick up after our six dogs — I don't let them touch their droppings, but they like to point them out to me so I can clean them up. They also carry their own toys and juice up to bed every night. They are very competitive, so when one does something I want them to do, I praise them, and the other two quickly follow suit.I even <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-potty-train-kids">potty trained them</a>, and they picked it up so quickly. I made sure they were ready and understood what they needed to do. I had them drink lots of juice and asked them every 20 to 30 minutes if they needed to go. I gave them huge rewards when they did something in the potty — things they wouldn't normally be allowed, like chocolate or candy; plus, I used a sticker rewards chart and lots of books, songs, and videos all about potty training and being "big boys" now. They're very independent and actually don't need me constantly. They play well by themselves, especially character-led games they make up. Being one of the triplets is like having best friends to play with all the time, which makes me feel less bad about money being so tight and not being able to afford many luxuries. <h2 id="31ddf1ee-ee48-4e51-ae01-04ebadfec186">Having triplets is so expensive</h2>It might sound obvious, but when the cost of something like theme park entry or football lessons and the uniform is multiplied by three, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/childcare-costs-without-grandparents-help-millennial-parents-boomers-2024-10">so many things are unachievable</a> on the budget we have.I worked out in their first year alone, and their expenses came to around $23,500 when you take into account three of everything — car seats, cribs, high chairs, a triplet stroller, clothes, diapers, and more. The formula cost nearly $1,570 alone. And that's not including the new house we needed to move to, as well. My mom and dad helped a lot, and my ex's mom and dad.I've been trying to decide whether it's getting better or worse because they eat more now than they did a year ago. They'll probably have two sandwiches each for lunch, for example, and that's times three. We go through two loaves of bread a week. Some weeks, I've had to borrow money from my mom for food. I try to keep the cost as low as possible, but we still spend around $105 a week on food, and that's me really scrimping on what we can get through the week with — no luxury items. It's pure survival.We scrape by. I buy most of their clothes secondhand online and sell anything they've outgrown. I hardly buy or do anything for myself, except on Friday night, when my mom takes care of the boys.Nothing can ever prepare you for having triplets or for being the sole parent of them. There isn't a lot of support. I've joined a Facebook group for triplet and quadruplet moms, and a lot of us have gotten chatting and even met up. It's been so helpful for swapping tips and tricks and for dealing with certain situations that only other triplet moms can relate to.

I solo parent triplets and had no choice but to teach them independence. At 3, they know how to load the washing machine and set the table.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My mother had my brothers and me at 22, so she sacrificed most of her youth for us.</li><li>I took that for granted when growing up, and I even pushed her away in my 20s.</li></ul>My mom gave birth to me and my three brothers at 22. She spent her early 20s <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/im-a-quadruplet-this-is-how-we-found-our-individuality-2022-3">raising quadruplet sons</a>.During an era that was supposed to be for taking risks and self-exploration, my <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/single-mom-adult-son-traditional-family-2024-5">single mom</a> carpooled us to extracurricular activities, lectured about homework, and mapped out our futures while placing hers as the foundation for ours to flourish.On the contrary, I cherished my 20s as a shamelessly selfish period for <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/growing-up-taught-no-one-liked-how-earn-money-2023-7">personal growth</a> and discerning my values, ambitions, and social sphere.Having <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/failed-early-retirement-fire-back-to-work-2024-6">recently turned 30</a>, I'm now seeing for the first time all the sacrifices my mom made for me, and it's taken me a long time to get here.<h2 id="4c789ac8-7ae6-4da4-8987-7adf0c404e4a">As a kid, I believed my mom's sole purpose was to raise me</h2>Though my mother was young, becoming a parent surely matured her personality. I didn't view her as a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/online-health-hims-young-men-prescriptions-doctors-shame-fears-2024-7">young person</a>. She was just my mother. I treated her like someone who could never relate to my skin. I treated her as if she didn't know what it was like to be young and make mistakes — to want to make mistakes for the sake of the adventure.Many of our fights were rooted in my perception of her as the ogre hiding beneath my bridge of fun rather than the person dedicating the <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/rebuilding-my-life-after-painful-divorce-middle-age-2024-7">best years of her life</a> to ensure I became all I could be. She was the bridge.I regret not recognizing that sooner.I spent 18 years <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/advice-column-heres-how-i-answer-wedding-questions-2024-7">asking for advice</a>, love, and money, only to spend the next decade trying to prove I didn't need her.<h2 id="e8a88081-1a11-4778-8a22-237b741a3034">I had to move away and make it on my own</h2>Rather than embracing Mom as an unconditional friend who'd do anything for my well-being, I <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/living-in-nyc-moving-from-midwest-differences-2023-11">moved to New York </a>and created as much emotional distance as possible between us. I thought I couldn't stand on my own two feet if she were there offering me a shoulder to lean on."When are you coming to visit?" was probably the most common question Mom asked me throughout my early 20s. Some years, I even <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/holidays-make-me-feel-like-bad-mom-2023-12">skipped the holidays</a> to spend them with my friends' families instead.Perhaps the guilt of all she sacrificed for me drove me to prove I could do it myself. A simple "<a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/college-professor-students-write-thank-you-letters-2024-6">thank you</a>" would have sufficed for Mom. Naturally, I needed hindsight. I needed to live life à la "Sex and the City" and travel the world to realize there's truly no place like home.As an immigrant, "home" became wherever Mom's heartbeat pounded. I just didn't expect it to be in the Midwest, where she moved in 2016 to start a business, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.minneapoliscontractorschoice.com/">MCC Kitchen, Bath &amp; Closet Remodeling</a>, hoping we'd one day join her.<h2 id="ec685dda-fd24-4067-afdc-c4df1e5a6be7">Working alongside my mother helped us bond as close friends</h2>During the pandemic, I faced the loss of a major consulting gig. Matters worsened when my boyfriend turned into my captor; I wanted to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/breakup-cheating-self-worth-lesson-husband-2024-3">break up</a> but couldn't afford to leave him.Mom immediately offered me the opportunity to work with her.When I took the job, I was blown away by watching her transform from <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ceo-family-business-peerless-coffee-unsure-kids-should-follow-steps-2024-7">mother into CEO</a>. She was barking orders like a military sergeant and navigating construction sites as if she were one of the boys.At one point, I accidentally yelled at her to stop trying to help the contractors carry cabinetry. It wasn't our job, and she could get hurt."Do you think I'm some old woman?" she hollered, insisting it was important for the boss to show she wasn't too big for any role.It was then that I finally noticed my mother was more than just Mom.<h2 id="2466f57f-8b6f-4176-8687-fbbb1f53a143">Our relationship is growing and morphing</h2>On the weekends, Mom and I would go on walks on the lake and to new restaurants for dinner. I introduced her workaholic nature to the marvelous leisure of <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/netflix-disliked-term-binge-preferred-alternatives-marathon-viewing-2019-7">binge-watching</a> "Golden Girls." She forced me to become attuned to my spirituality — insisting it was in there, somewhere.I never thought that becoming an <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/lonely-empty-nester-sons-went-to-college-2023-8">empty nester</a> so soon would give Mom ample years to step into a snubbed identity: her own. And I was recognizing that in her for the first time.Mom's prime years don't have to be an anecdote she shares with me, but it can instead be a shared experience. After all, she's a year younger than my ex.Perhaps we could reach our golden years together because — unlike Mom — I have no qualms about retiring early.

My mom had me at 22. Having a young mother has helped us become close friends in adulthood.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Kirill and Filipp Revega, 29, are identical twins who moved from Russia to Hollywood.</li><li>They always audition together and have used their alikeness to their advantage.</li></ul>As long as we can remember, we were always close. Growing up as identical twins in Siberia, Russia, we did everything together — from gymnastics to studying mechanical engineering at the same university.But it wasn't until we moved to the US in 2017 that we got to pursue a lifelong dream of ours: Acting and modeling. In the crowded world of Hollywood (and YouTube), being identical twins gives us a unique edge.<h2>We've made every big life decision together, including moving to Los Angeles</h2><div type="image" title="Revega twins in Siberia" height="715" width="954" msid="103589607" hostid="261" sizebytes="50216"></div>In 2014, we traveled to the US as exchange students working in a Myrtle Beach, South Carolina hotel. Before we flew back to Russia, we visited Los Angeles for about 10 days.We were mesmerized by the shoots we saw on the streets — there was always something being filmed. From that moment, we knew we wanted to work in the entertainment industry and were very sad to leave, but started to make YouTube videos for fun.In 2017, we were finally able to move to LA. We got an agent a year later.<h2>We see being twins as our greatest strength in Hollywood</h2><div type="image" title="The Revega twins appearing in &quot;American Horror Story&quot; and T-Mobile ads." height="900" width="1200" msid="103589610" hostid="261" sizebytes="75480"></div>Since relocating to LA, we've been in about 50 music videos, including <a target="_blank" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4vnmgZLA8s&amp;list=PLglxVwuA2IMMpxgkywcV-SBmmZMrjqDvx">Justin Timberlake's "Supplies"</a> and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBo-1EjUmoc&amp;list=PLglxVwuA2IMMpxgkywcV-SBmmZMrjqDvx&amp;index=2">Pink's and Eminem's "Revenge."</a>We've acted in a few short films, an "American Horror Story" promo, and ads for T-Mobile and Little Caesar's, one of which even aired during the Super Bowl. We also keep making YouTube videos and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@twinsfromrussia?lang=en">TikToks</a> where we sometimes play pranks like <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/what-its-like-to-be-identical-twins-who-swap-places-2023-8">swapping places</a>.This year, we went to our first <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/twins-day-festival-twinsburg-ohio-matching-outfits-bond-2023-8">Twins Days Festival</a>, where <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/i-went-to-annual-twins-days-festival-twinsburg-ohio-2023-8">we won a "most alike" contest</a>. It was fun to meet so many other twins and even film videos together.<div type="image" title="Kirill and Filipp Revega in Justin Timberlake's &quot;Supplies.&quot;" height="563" width="751" msid="103589611" hostid="261" sizebytes="15520"></div>We see being twins as an advantage and almost never audition without each other. In fact, sometimes if only one of us gets an audition, we'll sneakily try to show we're identical twins by having the other brother help read lines on camera. It's gotten us both booked on projects before.<h2>We wish we were quadruplets</h2>Aside from working together, it's super fun being twins and having a best friend for life. If we ever fight, we get over it quickly and never have any of the complaints other people do about being twins.In some of our videos and ads, we're made to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAdR-sTG4NU&amp;list=PLglxVwuA2IMMpxgkywcV-SBmmZMrjqDvx&amp;index=6">look like quadruplets</a>. That's our only wish as brothers: Having another identical brother (or two).

We're identical twins who've been in Justin Timberlake and Pink music videos. We always audition together and think it makes us stand out in Hollywood.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>I'm a former proposal planner and have worked with hundreds of people to plan their special day.</li><li>However, I never thought about how it would feel for my best friend to get engaged.</li></ul>I used to sell myself as a fairy godmother-like figure in the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/engagement-ring-shopping-together-before-proposal-2023-5">engagement industry</a>, wielding my wand with as much power as clients could swipe their credit cards. As a proposal planner, my job was complete when the client dropped to one knee. What unfolded afterward was none of my business.I orchestrated extravagant spectacles meant to open the doors to "happily ever after," yet secretly, I had no real grasp on what that meant or looked like. Growing up, everyone in my family was divorced, and until now, I've never even attended a wedding.Of course, I've been blessed with other forms of love: the unconditional care of a mother, the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/twin-sisters-live-together-best-friends-2023-7">camaraderie of my siblings</a>, and, especially on days when those entities drive me insane, the steadfast support of my best friend, Camila.<h2>Camila and I have been close ever since we met</h2>We met in sixth grade, sitting next to each other in science class before we even comprehended the biology of humans. To this day, I still tell one of my <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/im-a-quadruplet-this-is-how-we-found-our-individuality-2022-3">quadruplet brothers</a>, who dated her in eighth grade, that letting her slip away was the biggest mistake of his life.I spent the summer of 2022 <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/im-traveling-with-my-best-friend-and-her-boyfriend-2022-9">traveling with Camila and her boyfriend</a> Tyler in Medellin and Buenos Aires, and I never felt like the odd one out. In fact, Camila settling down with Tyler brought us closer together because we were all kindred in our ambition, values, love of exercise, and the fact that we worked remotely.<div type="image" title="Jamie, Tyler, and Camila out at a bar with cocktails on the table." height="488" width="650" msid="109459854" hostid="261" sizebytes="24872"></div>However, despite once professionally advocating a proposal as a milestone for happiness, it didn't prepare me for Tyler whisking Camila away to Barcelona last January and surprising her with a diamond ring.I felt ecstatic seeing photos of their engagement — at least, I did for them. Deep down, I felt a mix of complicated emotions. When Tyler mentioned that he had read some of my recently published <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mistakes-avoid-planning-engagement-proposal-fiance-wedding-2023-2">proposal advice</a> articles, I wished I had titled one of them, "Not Yet!"<h2>I was happy when she and her fiancé got engaged, but also worried</h2>When I received the invitation to their <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/couple-marrying-st-lucia-wedding-wedding-tips-advice-2022-6">destination wedding</a> in Guatemala this coming fall, it felt like our carefree adulthood was short-lived. More honestly, I feared Camila walking down the aisle would lead her to having a baby, changing diapers, and embracing the life of a soccer mom sooner rather than later.I wondered if our journeys could take such different turns and remain intertwined. Camila and I had never let distance or circumstance stop us from staying in touch, but I didn't want our friendship to become an anecdote.<h2>She asked me to be in the wedding</h2>Yes, we're almost 30; her pending matrimony is already considered geriatric by our Latin culture. She asked me to be part of her bridal party — a 'bridesgay,' if you will — and I had no idea what that entailed. This marked the first time I was part of the process post-engagement.All we talked about were plans for the future, including her wedding dress, an upcoming bachelorette trip, a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/side-hustle-as-a-bridesmaid-for-hire-2023-9">bridal party</a>, and, finally, a wedding abroad. I asked Ironically, I couldn't stop thinking about the past. An occasion centered on looking forward was surprisingly riddled with nostalgia.Over the years, we've served as sounding boards for each other's thoughts, no matter how mundane or important. We've also had very existentially dramatic conversations because we've helped each other cope with the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/friend-died-high-school-her-parents-became-my-second-family-2022-7">loss of people we loved</a>. And Tyler has become part of my inner circle.<div type="image" title="Jamie and Camila at a bar with string lights in the background. She is wearing a black top and he is wearing a hat." height="929" width="1242" msid="109459856" hostid="261" sizebytes="161302"></div>Camila has assured me I've watched too much "Sex and the City" and that my singledom and her married life don't have to exist in separate worlds."You're being paranoid!" she said, and joked about me being a "guncle" to her proverbial daughter we'd been referencing before she even met Tyler. I always knew there'd be a man lucky enough to marry Camila, but I never expected to feel like a parent sending their child off to college.<h2>Our friendship may change, but our love for each other won't</h2>I have no doubt that my friend has every intention of keeping me a part of her life. But our intentions can't defy the responsibilities that come with her one day raising a family — and those responsibilities may put limits on what we can do together.It's likely we won't be able to travel the world so easily once she has children running around. But it'll be up to me to use <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/parents-dinks-winning-childfree-economy-finances-income-vacation-retirement-kids-2024-2">my childless freedom</a> to visit the guest room she has always welcomed me to in the past.I've become keenly aware with age that for friendships to flourish with time, you have to remain open and vulnerable about what you need to feel close, whether a trip, a lunch, or a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/eight-minute-phone-call-challenge-improved-my-friendships-2024-4">phone call</a>. It's easy for bonds to weaken as responsibilities escalate and days turn to months that turn to years.But considering that the part of our lives we've been best friends for is longer than the part of our lives we spent not knowing each other, I'm confident our friendship has the commitment it takes to evolve together — marriage, baby bumps, careers, and all.Loving our friendship for what it has been and hoping to keep some of that alive while embracing the possibilities of what's next is not mutually exclusive.Recently, Camila sent me a selfie wearing the winning wedding dress, and she never looked more beautiful — or ready.

I've planned over 200 proposals for clients but wasn't prepared when my best friend got engaged. I worried our friendship would change.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My mom moved me and my fraternal quadruplet brothers to the US when we were 7 years old. </li><li>We landed in Miami, where she wanted us to have better education and quality of life. </li></ul>I boarded a plane holding hands with my mother and fraternal <a href="https://www.insider.com/im-a-quadruplet-this-is-how-we-found-our-individuality-2022-3">quadruplet brothers</a> at 7 years old. She sacrificed her upper-class life in Bogotá, Colombia, venturing into the unknown as a single parent of four and immigrating to Miami for us to achieve <a href="https://www.insider.com/write-porn-scripts-for-a-living-my-mom-wants-quit-2022-4">educations in English</a> and dreams in dollars. Just over two decades later, I've come back for the reason she left: the pursuit of happiness. For my mom, that meant safety and opportunity during a time when our country was considered one of the most dangerous in the world. In certain parts, it still is. I built on her foundation to seek opulence. "The ones that live there are the ones that can, not the ones that want," my private driver commented while arriving at Poblado, my new neighborhood. I blushed, thinking I was finally included in the elite. "You can't just give up," my mom said on the phone when I arrived. But entering my two-bedroom, two-bathroom doorman apartment with a balcony overlooking a city surrounded by mountains did not feel like defeat. I treated myself to dinner at a renowned restaurant and walked out thinking, "How cheap!" The next day, I paid $13 for a manicure and pedicure, then $37 for a facial.You can't buy happiness, but I suddenly felt the high of power and access that doesn't exist in the US for a freelance writer.<h2>I couldn't afford my lifestyle in New York</h2>I began researching digital nomads after ending a four-year relationship that ran long past its expiration date. I never imagined finances would be a reason to stay, until I couldn't afford to leave. I came to terms with the fact that my lifestyle belonged to his executive-legal job while searching for an apartment in Manhattan when the average rent had reached $4,000 a month. I refused to accept that I needed to fall in love and move in with someone else with an executive position for bills to not be a stressor — but it turns out it's not just me, because according to CNBC, <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/select/how-to-take-control-of-your-finances/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20Mind%20over,anxious%20about%20their%20financial%20situation.">77% of Americans are anxious about their financial situations</a>.What seemed most paradoxical was that my career never looked better on paper, and I wouldn't choose to do anything else. Yet, I couldn't afford to live alone in a city I swore I couldn't live without. Becoming roommates with strangers sounded like another step back, and other metropolitan cities seemed to compete to win the title of "most overpriced." I decided if I could let go of my toxic relationship with a man, I could do the same with geography.<h2>I chose to live where I'm better off</h2>Digital-office culture has empowered many like me with the privilege of lifestyle migration — working remotely abroad, typically somewhere much cheaper than where they lived previously. I'm not ignorant of the fact that Poblado, where I live now, is a bubble like most affluent neighborhoods. There's an incomprehensible amount of poverty in Colombia — but not unlike America. So why not decide to reside where I'm better off? I still use Apple Pay, order Ubers, and find all the avocado toasts and green juices a New Yorker needs, except I won't be stressed about payment. <a href="https://www.insider.com/im-traveling-with-my-best-friend-and-her-boyfriend-2022-9">Buenos Aires is next on my list</a>.A career that once limited my income now enables me to find happiness — and purpose — worldwide.There's a privileged irony in an immigrant returning to their native country and being received as a gringo by locals. Still, I want to thank my mom for the sacrifices she made so I could be here now.

My mom moved me to the US when I was 7 years old. Now, 21 years later I decided to move back to Colombia and my quality of life is much better.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My mom remarried, and her new husband had a daughter who became my step-sister. </li><li>When our parents divorced, we lost touch even though we got along. </li></ul>When my mom asked my quadruplet brothers and me as kids if we would be OK with her marrying again, we unanimously said no. Until then, I had considered life something that happened to me with Mom's permission. So I didn't precisely question my parent's divorce or <a href="https://www.insider.com/moved-back-to-colombia-after-21-years-us-better-life-2022-9">moving to a new country</a> with much journalistic integrity. I also never felt a strong attachment to my father, but I wasn't eager for a new one.Due to my brothers and I's lack of enthusiasm, we weren't invited to her wedding with Randy. Mom said it was a small ceremony, but his daughter Joey must have been more excited for siblings because she was the flower girl and only guest. <h2>She was like a sibling</h2>We moved from a condo in Brickell — where Mom first met Joey in the elevator — to a house together. One day, Mom and Randy introduced us to a baby, which felt like they brought home a pet. I have no recollection of her being nine months pregnant.Joey had her own room with a bunk bed, and I often slept above her because she was scared of the dark, even with a night light. I didn't mind total blackness, and I especially got used to it when I would hide in her room and patiently wait for her arrival.I'd jump and roar like a monster, she'd scream for dear life, and we'd go from best friends to mortal enemies and vice versa in minutes. So, in other words, she became just as much a sibling as my <a href="https://www.insider.com/im-a-quadruplet-this-is-how-we-found-our-individuality-2022-3">fraternal twins</a>. One moment we'd be having a Barbie pageant and the next, she'd cry because I incorporated the guillotine for last place. On other days, she'd shed crocodile tears to get what she wanted without caring that her fibs landed my brothers and me in hot water with Mom, who considered her the daughter she never had. Joey became the first person I felt comfortable being myself without premeditating my personality. We'd have contests where we took turns singing to see who had the better voice, and it was the only time I didn't filter my music taste. When Joey didn't ridicule me for <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/joy-liberation-game-character-customize-avatar/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">choosing Zelda in Super Smash Bros</a>, it gave me the courage to use her spectacular magical abilities to crush my brothers. Although step-siblings might get a bad rep in fairy tales, for me, she was another soldier to take on the world. And yet every time Joey referred me to strangers as her brother, I specified not by blood. <h2>Our parents divorced and years later we reconnected</h2>Our parents divorced in middle school, so I stopped having any type of sister altogether. The dynamics of our relationship were tied to their matrimony. As an adult, I took my life by the reins and communicated more often with Joey. I felt guilty about her absence during family gatherings, especially considering everyone besides Mom had lost touch with her. But Joey also had a separate family since she had reconnected with her birth mom in high school. A few weeks before my 29th birthday, I felt an extreme depression because it made me realize that my life didn't pan out as I dreamed. I had <a href="https://www.insider.com/i-stopped-having-casual-sex-almost-a-year-ago-2022-10">run away from an unhappy relationship</a> rather than anywhere close to being headed down the aisle, and I achieved a great career on paper but was stumped to discover that wealth for most writers was in the currency of respect and kudos. I figured it was more proactive for the world to come crashing down before I actually hit my 30s. Joey was living in Denver. She understood my dramatics and accepted my offer to escape to San Francisco — just the two of us. I temporarily lived there for a month because I wanted to be away from friends, family, or anyone who might dare try to celebrate me or babble about why I should be excited. <h2>We had so much fun</h2><a href="https://www.sonomacountypride.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sonoma Pride</a> was happening the weekend after my birthday, a road trip away from SF. I typically avoided mixing my gay social sphere with family or my straight friends, for that matter. But when I casually mentioned it to Joey, she took the lead with our new plans. Our favorite toy used to be blocks. Now that we had more disposable income, we decided on a convertible. But Joey booked a regular rental and smooth-talked her way for an upgrade to a 2023 Chevrolet Camaro. I was impressed and saw the clever girl who always knew how to get her way, except this time with ethics. Although we hadn't seen each other in years, the weekend cemented the fact nothing had changed. We spent the road trip singing duets and broke into a fight within minutes of checking in to the Astro in downtown Santa Rosa. Adjacent to the chic urban motel is a lush community garden. Amid the serenity of bountiful nature and the breeze flowing through the stream of trees, you could hear our shameless bickering. I don't remember who started or ended it. More memorable was our dancing all day at the Sonoma Pride Music Festival.There was so much of my life I couldn't control, but my biggest regret was not spending more time with people I cared about. I realized we accidentally booked flights a day later than checkout, but we embraced staying an extra night rather than adjusting our respective departures. I took her to a local drag brunch on Sunday and told the host it would just be me and my sister — better than the one I never had because I nearly always did.

You Searched For "quadruplets" and got 9 results

I'm a quadruplet and the only woman of my siblings. My whole life has been a balance of wanting to be alone and needing to be near my siblings.

Jessica Ellis

I'm a quadruplet. This is how I found my individuality beyond my brothers.

Jamie Valentino

A woman had spontaneous quadruplets. The chances of this happening are one in 1 million, a doctor said.

Kelly Burch

I solo parent triplets and had no choice but to teach them independence. At 3, they know how to load the washing machine and set the table.

MaryLou Costa

My mom had me at 22. Having a young mother has helped us become close friends in adulthood.

Jamie Valentino

We're identical twins who've been in Justin Timberlake and Pink music videos. We always audition together and think it makes us stand out in Hollywood.

Julia Pugachevsky

I've planned over 200 proposals for clients but wasn't prepared when my best friend got engaged. I worried our friendship would change.

Jamie Valentino

My mom moved me to the US when I was 7 years old. Now, 21 years later I decided to move back to Colombia and my quality of life is much better.

Jamie Valentino

My step-sister was a safe space for me as a kid. I felt like I lost a real sibling after our parents divorced.

Jamie Valentino

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