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18 relationship facts everybody should know before getting married

We asked a career expert to build the perfect resume. Here's a template you can use to update your CV and land a dream job.

9 signs you're in a strong relationship — even if it doesn't feel like it

<div class="KonaFilter image-container float_right"><div class="image">Shutterstock</div></div>The makings of great <keyword id="34454" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="leadership">leadership</keyword> have been analyzed for centuries. Marcus Buckingham, in his best-selling book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0743261658/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1377879108&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=SL75" target="_blank">The One Thing You Need to Know: ...About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success</a>," aims to pierce through that complexity with one simple maxim: 
To be a great leader, you must find what's universal, and capitalize on it. 
Unlike managers, who are <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-a-great-manager-2013-8">concerned with the incremental growth of individuals,</a> Buckingham says leaders "rally people to a better future." In order to unite large groups around a single vision, leaders find success by filling universal human needs, he says. Chief among them is the need for clarity. 
Leaders are able to provide clarity in four basic areas: 
1. Who the organization serves: Clarifying the audience calms <keyword id="6357081" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="Employees">employees</keyword>' anxiety about trying to please everyone, he says, and focuses their thinking. That focus gives them greater confidence in their decisions. 
2. The core strengths of the organization: While defining competencies may help allocate resources, more important is the emotional rather than rational response, Buckingham says. It gives employees reason to believe they will win, which fuels their persistence, resilience, and creativity. 
3. The organization's "core score" or measurement of success: Leaders should tell followers which measure they should focus on and provide a benchmark for success, he says. To limit complexity, it's best to choose just one metric to highlight, he notes, and oftentimes improving that core score buoys several others. 
4. Immediate actions to take: Talk and theory only go so far. At some point, leaders must act. Those actions provide clarity about what's important to you, and encourage your people to follow suit. Be they systematic or symbolic actions, they establish new behaviors, emphasize select priorities and clearly show the better future you envision. 
<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image">From barnesandnoble.com</div></div></div>Of course, for a leader to provide clarity, they must clarify their own thoughts. Buckingham suggests taking plenty of time to ruminate on success. Additionally, he advises that you carefully select those employees that you hold up as examples of success, because who you celebrate and why reveals much about the future you are trying create. Finally, practice and refine your message to its simplest, most powerful form. 
Interestingly, Buckingham believes leaders are in many ways born and not made, saying that unflinching optimism and powerful ego are the talents underpinning all great leadership. 
"Properly defined, the opposite of a leader isn't a follower," Buckingham writes. "The opposite of a leader is a pessimist." Talented leaders are able to clearly see the obstacles they face, he says, but still firmly believe they can overcome present challenges to create something better. 
And in opposition to <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/gregsatell/2013/06/04/why-tim-cooks-level-5-leadership-might-not-be-enough-to-secure-apples-future/">some leadership theories</a> that exalt being humble and quietly powerful, he says having vision isn't enough. You have to believe that you are the best person to see that vision out and that requires ego, Buckingham says. Great leaders must have the confidence that they are worthy trailblazers and can find the answers along the way.
Follow me on <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts" target="_blank">Google+</a>. Find the latest business strategy news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy.</a>

The One Thing You Need To Know To Be A Great Leader

<div class="image-container float_right"><div class="image">Shutterstock</div></div>The makings of great <keyword id="34454" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="leadership">leadership</keyword> have been analyzed for centuries. Marcus Buckingham, in his best-selling book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-One-Thing-Need-Know/dp/0743261658%22%20%5Ct%20%22_blank">The One Thing You Need to Know: ...About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success</a>," aims to pierce through that complexity with one simple maxim: 
To be a great leader, you must find what’s universal, and capitalize on it. 
Unlike managers, who are <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-a-great-manager-2013-8">concerned with the incremental growth of individuals,</a> Buckingham says leaders “rally people to a better future.” In order to unite large groups around a single vision, leaders find success by filling universal human needs, he says. Chief among them is the need for clarity. 
Leaders are able to provide clarity in four basic areas: 
1. Who the organization serves: Clarifying the audience calms <keyword id="6357081" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="Employees">employees</keyword>’ anxiety about trying to please everyone, he says, and focuses their thinking. That focus gives them greater confidence in their decisions. 
2. The core strengths of the organization: While defining competencies may help allocate resources, more important is the emotional rather than rational response, Buckingham says. It gives employees reason to believe they will win, which fuels their persistence, resilience, and creativity. 
3. The organization's "core score" or measurement of success: Leaders should tell followers which measure they should focus on and provide a benchmark for success, he says. To limit complexity, it’s best to choose just one metric to highlight, he notes, and oftentimes improving that core score buoys several others. 
4. Immediate actions to take: Talk and theory only go so far. At some point, leaders must act. Those actions provide clarity about what’s important to you, and encourage your people to follow suit. Be they systematic or symbolic actions, they establish new behaviors, emphasize select priorities and clearly show the better future you envision. 
<div class="image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image">From barnesandnoble.com</div></div></div>Of course, for a leader to provide clarity, they must clarify their own thoughts. Buckingham suggests taking plenty of time to ruminate on success. Additionally, he advises that you carefully select those employees that you hold up as examples of success, because who you celebrate and why reveals much about the future you are trying create. Finally, practice and refine your message to its simplest, most powerful form. 
Interestingly, Buckingham believes leaders are in many ways born and not made, saying that unflinching optimism and powerful ego are the talents underpinning all great leadership. 
“Properly defined, the opposite of a leader isn’t a follower,” Buckingham writes. “The opposite of a leader is a pessimist.” Talented leaders are able to clearly see the obstacles they face, he says, but still firmly believe they can overcome present challenges to create something better. 
And in opposition to <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/gregsatell/2013/06/04/why-tim-cooks-level-5-leadership-might-not-be-enough-to-secure-apples-future/">some leadership theories</a> that exalt being humble and quietly powerful, he says having vision isn’t enough. You have to believe that you are the best person to see that vision out and that requires ego, Buckingham says. Great leaders must have the confidence that they are worthy trailblazers and can find the answers along the way.
Follow me on <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts" target="_blank">Google+</a>. Find the latest business strategy news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy.</a>

<div class="image-container float_right"><div class="image">by BiblioArchives/LibraryArchives</div></div>The secret to lasting personal <keyword id="21796" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="success">success</keyword> may seem elusive to most, but best-selling author Marcus Buckingham thinks he has the answer.
According to his enduring 2005 book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/One-Thing-You-Need-Know/dp/0743261658/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1378244736&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+one+thing+you+need+to+know" target="_blank">The One Thing You Need to Know: ... About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success</a>," the one thing you need to know to be a consistent top performer is to discover what you don't like doing, and stop doing it.
Buckingham says using your natural talents, whether problem-solving or with out-of-the box creativity, makes you feel powerful and confident and is self-reinforcing. Having to perform in areas where you're weak, on the other hand, leaves you feeling depleted and ineffective. Therefore, the secret to sustained success, he says, lies in knowing which activities engage your strengths and which do not, and having the self-discipline to avoid the latter.
Most of us are actually pretty good at identifying our strengths, Buckingham says. It's harder to pinpoint what you don't like doing and why, in order to jettison those tasks from your working life. Here are four signs you're doing tasks you don't like or aren't good at, and how to eradicate them:
1. You're bored. In this case, it's likely that your deep interests aren't engaged, says Buckingham, and while you may be successful in the short-term, success will be difficult to sustain. There's only one clear solution in this scenario, he says. "When the content of your job proves deeply uninteresting to you, you must change the job."
2. You're unfulfilled. If you feel deeply unsatisfied, most likely your values are not engaged, he says. The job may require that you act unethically, or you may be working toward goals you don't find meaningful. Like the previous example, if you're asked to do something that goes against your values - and you've made your feelings known to the company and seen no change in behavior - he says it may be time to look for a new job.
3. You're frustrated. If you're in a role where you're interested in the content and your values are aligned but you're not using your core strengths, you'll become increasingly frustrated, Buckingham says. Here, you can either move on or, better yet, tweak the role so that it incorporates your strengths. After you've experienced some achievement, you can then "parlay this success into a new, changed role that plays to your strengths entirely," he writes. Take note: Pulling this off requires persistence and a manager who's willing to let you experiment.
4. You're drained. If you find that you frequently miss things or don't understand things others find clear, he says, it's likely that the job requires you to be strong in an area where you are actually weak, which can be incredibly draining. There are two possible solutions here: You could find someone else to do the thing you hate, either by delegating or finding a partner with complimentary strengths, or you could find an aspect of the activity that brings you strength. For instance, if you are a great artist but not good at providing negative feedback to those who work with you, focus on the fact that you are helping produce great art, rather than potentially hurting someone's feelings.
Follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts" target="_blank">Google+</a>. And find the latest business <keyword id="6363690" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="strategy">strategy</keyword> news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy</a>.

The One Thing You Need To Know To Be A Top Performer

<div class="KonaFilter image-container float_right"><div class="image">Marcus Buckingham</div></div>Marcus Buckingham aimed in 2005 to boil countless professional insights down to one piece of advice for managers, leaders, and individual contributors. His best-selling book, "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-One-Thing-Need-Know/dp/0743261658" target="_blank">The One Thing You Need to Know: ...About Great Managing</a><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-One-Thing-Need-Know/dp/0743261658" target="_blank">, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success</a>," pulled this off, and it holds up remarkably well. 
For managers, Buckingham says the most important thing is to discover what is unique about each person, and capitalize on it. 
Why? Buckingham believes the ultimate goal of a manager is to figure out each individual employee's talents, and turn those talents into performance. Leveraging an employee's strengths can reap much better outcomes than attempting to better their weak spots, he says, which produces only small improvements. What's more, it makes the employee responsible for honing their unique skills, and it's better for the team to have each person working their best angles, so that they rely on and respect each other. 
How? Learn their strengths and weaknesses, what motivates them, and their unique styles of learning, be it by watching, doing or analyzing. While observing them can be a useful strategy, an even more straightforward approach is asking them simple questions, like: What were the best and worst work days you've had in the past three months, and what were you doing? Who was your best manager, and what made the relationship work so well?
Meeting this primary goal typically involves following some basic principles:
1. Hire good people. Spend enough time on this step to thoroughly vet candidates and get the right person for the job, Buckingham says. Managers can identify talent and fit, he notes, by first defining what they're looking for. In the interview, he suggests asking open-ended questions like "what do you enjoy most about the job?" to hear spontaneous answers, and requesting specific examples of how they've done things in the past.
<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image">From barnesandnoble.com</div></div></div>
2. Set clear expectations, often. Buckingham says good managers don't set once-a-year goals. Instead, they constantly revise and reinforce expectations, and meet with <keyword id="6357081" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="Employees">employees</keyword> four to five times a year to talk about progress, offer feedback, and course correct. 
3. Offer praise and recognition. "Recognize excellence immediately, and praise it," Buckingham writes. "Praise isn't merely a reaction to a great performance; it is a cause of it." He strongly advises against withholding praise for an employee's good work just because you don't want it to go to their head. If performance is high, there's no such thing as too much praise, he says. On the other hand, only offer it if warranted, since insincere praise is easy to sniff out.
4. Show your people you care about them. According to the research, there's a clear link between caring and productivity, Buckingham says, to the point that workers who feel cared for by managers are less likely to miss work, have accidents, steal or quit. How do you do it? Essentially, the same way anyone shows kindness: Listen, tell them you care, keep their confidences, and learn about their lives, he says. 
Ultimately, great managers make their employees' <keyword id="21796" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="success">success</keyword> a primary goal, Buckingham says, and derive personal satisfaction from watching them grow. 
"Success, whether as a manager, a leader, or an individual performer, does not come to those who aspire to well-roundedness, breadth, and balance," Buckingham writes. "Success comes most readily to those who reject balance, who instead pursue strategies that are intentionally imbalanced."
Follow me on <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts" target="_blank">Google+</a>. Find the latest business strategy news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy.</a>

The One Thing You Need To Know To Be A Great Manager

<div class="image-container float_right"><div class="image">Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images</div></div>How does Oprah Winfrey captivate millions? What's the secret behind Bill Clinton's infectious charisma or Richard Branson's powerful charm? 
According to one new book, "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compelling-People-Hidden-Qualities-Influential/dp/1594631018/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1378477423&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=compelling+people" target="_blank">Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential</a>" by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut, the art and science of influencing people comes down to a surprisingly simple combination: seeming at once strong and warm.
"When you meet someone, they're sizing you up on two fundamental qualities: strength and warmth," says Kohut, a founding partner of Washington, D.C.-based KNP Communications, which specializes in preparing public figures for speaking events. "Strength measures how much people can affect the world, and warmth shows how much people are concerned about our interests." 
Kohut and Neffinger came to this conclusion after years of seeing the same issues in their clients' body language crop up. Most seemed either timid and uncomfortable (lacking strength) or confident but cold (lacking warmth). The rare star, the kind of person who's "got it" - that magical thing called charisma - managed to project strength and warmth simultaneously. 
This insight has implications for people at all levels of their careers, Kohut says, since being identified as having <keyword id="34454" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="leadership">leadership</keyword> potential requires that you seem both competent and likable. "When we think about the people we want as leaders, we need to respect their ability, and we need to like them to want to follow them," he says. 
The trouble is it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to portray both at once. Acting in a way that makes you seem strong, whether puffing your chest or using big words, may show your capability but can be off-putting, says Kohut. And when people display warmth, by doing others favors or agreeing with others' viewpoints, they give away their strength. "The balance is hard to strike," he says. In fact, he believes those who've mastered it are merely multitasking, switching between tasks so swiftly it seems fluid. 
What's more, physical qualities that are out of your control can automatically influence others' perceptions of you, Kohut says. Having a smaller frame may reduce your strength, for example, but having an attractive face may increase your warmth. By the same token, women are typically perceived as having more warmth and less strength, whereas the reverse is true for men. 
Yet when women move to exert their strength, particularly in professional settings, they are often penalized for going against type and are no longer viewed as warm, but instead as "cold" or "bitchy." Says Kohut, "This is the uneven playing field. Women have to actively dial up both warmth and strength." As Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg writes in her bestselling advice book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947/" target="_blank">Lean In</a>," to get ahead women must be confident, fierce negotiators, and oh so nice. 
So how can you find the balance and become more compelling? "The easiest and most common thing that all of us can do is stand up straight and smile," says Kohut. "It sounds basic, but it's really important." 
Body language and verbal cues play a huge part in reflecting both qualities, he says. If you want to dial up strength, good posture, eye contact, and confident articulation will make you seem powerful. You can also watch the body language of others to see how they're responding to you, Kohut says. When someone backs away or leans out of a conversation, you may be coming on too strong. 
If you want to dial up warmth, smile, lean in to conversations, and mirror the feelings and gestures of others to appear empathetic. You could also establish common ground by complimenting a project they worked on or agreeing with their perspective. "When you agree with people, you're confirming their view of the world," says Kohut. "Then you seem more familiar." 
If you're unsure of which quality you may be lacking (or overdoing), he suggests asking a trusted friend or video-taping yourself giving a presentation, so that you can clearly see yourself. 
"When you discover the lens of strength and warmth," Kohut says, "it changes the way you see yourself and the world." 
Follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts">Google+</a>. And find the latest business strategy news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy</a>.

The Surprisingly Simple Mix Of Qualities That Make People Influential 

<div class="image-container float_right"><div class="image">Courtesy of CTI</div></div>If you thought finding and cultivating a <keyword id="6355605" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="mentor">mentor</keyword> with clout would be your key to career <keyword id="21796" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="success">success</keyword>, you were dead wrong. 
Mentors may offer an open door and helpful guidance, but little more. To win, you need a sponsor, says Sylvia Ann Hewlett, CEO of think tank The Center for Talent Innovation (CTI) and author of just released "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Forget-Mentor-Find-Sponsor-Fast-Track/dp/1422187160/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1378734761&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=find+a+sponsor%20" target="_blank">Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor: The New Way to Fast-Track Your Career</a>." 
"A mentor gives you friendly advice," says Hewlett. "A sponsor is senior in your organization or world and has the power to get you that next job. It's not about empathy." 
CTI has tracked the "sponsor effect" since 2010 in four U.S.-based and global studies that clearly show that sponsorship - not mentorship - is how power is transferred in the workplace. When it comes to getting ahead you need more than the counsel of a supporter; you need someone to advocate for you when you're not in the room. That takes someone who believes in you and has the juice to make it happen. 
Sponsors have three attributes, Hewlett says: They believe in your potential and are prepared to take a bet on you; they have a voice at the table and are willing to be your champion; and they provide you the cover you need to take the risks necessary to succeed. While mentors listen, sponsors act - by telling you what you need to know, clearing obstacles from your path, and making your success their business, she says. 
In the corporate world, a sponsor might be your boss or your boss' boss. For an entrepreneur, sponsorship often comes in the form of a venture capitalist or an influencer who helps you make connections and raise money. 
Sponsorship is not a gift, says Hewlett. You can't just walk up to someone and ask, "Will you be my sponsor?" Instead, it is earned. "They have to truly believe in your ability," she says. "If I go to bat for a young talent, I have to be sure she's going to come through. You're very much aligning reputations." 
So how do you impress a potential sponsor? Hewlett outlines the three most important tactics: 
Exceed expectations, and make your <keyword id="6355598" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="performance">performance</keyword> known. 
You've got to come through on an obvious front: stellar performance. Hit your numbers, meet deadlines, and go above and beyond, Hewlett says. "Nothing makes you easier to sponsor than outstanding results." 
You've also got to make sure your sponsor knows about your success. Stay on top of your numbers, and keep your sponsor looped in. If they can easily point to your past successes, they'll be better equipped to push for you to get a big assignment or promotion. 
Demonstrate that you are trustworthy and loyal.
"A leader wants you to make them look good," says Hewlett. By advocating for you, sponsors are putting their own reputations on the line, so you have to be willing to help them succeed, too. According to her research, managers value a protégé who's loyal more than they value someone who's collaborative, visionary, or even highly productive. 
Demonstrate that you have your sponsor's back by sharing valuable information, offering your assistance, giving honest feedback in private, and aligning yourself with them and their viewpoints in public. "Star performers are very likely to attract sponsors, and loyal performers are very likely to keep them," Hewlett says. 
Bring something special to the table.
Identify and develop your best, most unique skill, and deploy it to make yourself indispensable, advises Hewlett. Ideally, this skill will not only set you apart from your peers but will also be something your sponsor lacks. Then it is additive to their own skillset, she says. The skill may be that you have such emotional intelligence that you can pull a team together in a way your sponsor can't. It could also be as simple as having tech savvy or knowing a foreign language. 
Pat Fili-Krushel, the chairman of NBCUniversal News Group, told Hewlett that whenever she starts a new job and there's a senior leader who she wants on her side, she figures out what they need to accomplish most urgently and then delivers it to them. Who wouldn't be pleased? 
Despite that for decades mentorship has been the white knight of career success, it hasn't proven effective, says Hewlett. Research by women's advocacy group Catalyst found that women are mentored more than men, but men receive 15% more promotions. Meanwhile, research by CTI finds that one in four white men in the middle ranks of workplaces have sponsorship, but only one in eight women and just one in 20 minorities have them. 
One of the top reasons women and minorities struggle with securing sponsors is the level of comfort and trust, says Hewlett. Particularly, sexual tension or its reputation-damning outward appearance, which she calls "the 800-pound gorilla" in the room, can keep senior men from helping women, lest their attention seem inappropriate. 
"It's a trip wire," Hewlett says, "but it can be handled well." Women can signal to senior men that they are not a threat and to the world that it is a strictly professional relationship with their attire and the way they present themselves, by openly discussing their rich personal lives, and meeting the sponsor in public view, such as having breakfast in the cafeteria or coffee in a common area. 
As the evidence for sponsorship's effectiveness builds, companies are paying attention. Several corporations, including American Express, Cisco, and Deloitte, have launched programs that help senior leaders and high-potential employees find each other. CTI's research shows these programs are seeing some initial success. 
Ultimately, hard work isn't enough, says Hewlett. You need others to recognize your potential and help you up, and that means having powerful sponsors providing a boost. 
SEE ALSO: <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/what-successful-people-did-in-their-20s-2013-3" target="_blank">What Extremely Successful People Were Doing At Age 25</a>
Follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/Jenna_Goudreau" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JenGoudreau" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://plus.google.com/107354000441475705820/posts" target="_blank">Google+</a>. Find the latest business <keyword id="6363690" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="strategy">strategy</keyword> news on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Strategy" target="_blank">@BI_Strategy</a> and career insights on <a href="https://twitter.com/BI_Careers" target="_blank">@BI_Careers</a>.

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