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<ul class="summary-list"><li>As a new parent, you might think having a baby will look or feel a certain way. </li><li>When those beliefs aren't met, it can leave you surprised, upset, or feeling guilty.</li></ul>New moms and dads have lots of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/older-mom-parent-feel-guilty-less-energetic-fun-2023-9">expectations of what being a parent will look</a> and feel like. But often those <keyword id="47288" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="expectations" source="Orion">expectations</keyword> aren't met, maybe because they're not realistic, leaving them feeling bad, sad, or both. Here are some new parent <keyword id="25945" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="myths" source="Orion">myths</keyword> to bust right now, so that you can lower the bar you — or your friends, or society — set for yourself and enjoy your newborn without the guilt, worry, or self-doubt.<br /><br />    <div type="image" title="Graphic image with the headline, &quot;New Parent Myths.&quot; There are six drawings in two lines with captions beneath. The first one shows a man with brown hair and stubble holding a baby wearing a yellow hat and onesie and the caption reads, &quot;Myth: Bonding with your baby happens immediately. &quot;The second drawing shows a mom with curly dark hair and a teal headband changing a baby's diaper. The caption reads, &quot;Myth: You'll enjoy every minute of being a parent.&quot; The next drawing shows a woman with blonde hair pulled into a bun trying to breastfeed a crying baby. The caption says, &quot;Myth: Breastfeeding comes naturally.&quot; The drawing in the second row on the left shows a woman with brown hair in a bun, carrying a baby in a sling, while vacuuming with a laundry basket full of clothes behind her. The caption reads, &quot;Myth: You'll be able to manage it all on your own.&quot; The drawing to the right shows a woman with black hair looking sad and a thought bubble above her head showing her taking a bath. The caption says, &quot;Myth: It's bad to need a break from your baby.&quot; The next drawing on the right shows a woman from behind with red hair and a baby on her shoulder crying. The caption says, &quot;Myth: You're doing something wrong if your baby cries.&quot;" height="1250" width="1012" msid="103968854" hostid="261"></div><h2>Myth: <keyword id="28237" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="bonding" source="Orion">Bonding</keyword> with your baby happens immediately</h2>Though some parents fall in love with, and feel a deep connection to, their baby the moment they set eyes on her, for other new moms and dads, the puffy-faced, crying, squirmy baby they meet doesn't engender much love or attachment at first. Not only is that normal, it also <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/postpartum-depression-therapist-most-helpful-tips-new-mom-2023-6">doesn't make you a bad parent</a>. The love that you're hoping for will come with time and through every interaction with your new baby.<br /><br /><h2>Myth: You'll enjoy every minute of being a parent</h2>Yes, you will enjoy being a parent. Maybe you'll love it most of the time. But there will be times — and for some new moms and dads, lots of times — when you won't. It's hard to care for a squalling baby who rarely sleeps, needs to be fed seemingly all the time, doesn't smile or interact much, and needs round-the-clock attention. And you may feel anxiety about doing everything "right" bubble up and sap the joy out of parenting.<br /><br />What you're feeling is extremely common. Appreciate that you're brand new at this, and that not only are there bound to be fumbles, but also moments of dissatisfaction and despair. And certainly don't feel guilty or upset when it's hard to feel good about your new reality. If you're feeling especially unhappy, however, be sure to seek help. <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/dad-was-hit-with-postnatal-depression-after-birth-of-daughter-2023-7">Postpartum depression</a> is common but very treatable, so speak up if you're suffering.<br /><br /><h2>Myth: Breastfeeding comes naturally</h2>It's recommended that you put your baby on your breast right in the delivery room, as soon after birth as possible. Amazingly, your baby's instinctual ability to find the breast and suck is extremely strong after birth, so it's really the perfect time for that first introduction to nursing. But just because breasts are made for breastfeeding doesn't mean that <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/breastfeeding-without-pregnancy-birth-induced-lactation-trans-adoption-2022-9">breastfeeding will be effortless at first</a>. After all, you're both learning what to do.<br /><br />So don't worry if it doesn't feel perfect on the first day. Or on the third day. Or even in the second week. It can take weeks — and perhaps some help from a lactation consultant — for breastfeeding to become second nature. So, give it time and don't give up, unless, of course, you're absolutely miserable — nursing isn't for everyone, so do what feels best for you.<br /><br /><h2>Myth: You'll be able to manage it all on your own</h2>Every new parent can use a helping hand or two, and there's no shame in needing and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/freezer-meals-for-new-parents-best-gift-tips-advice-2023-6">asking for help</a>. Trying to manage it all on your own is certainly doable for some new parents, but you're not going to get a medal or win a prize for handling it solo. Ask for help from your partner, your family, your friends, a neighbor, paid help if you can afford it, or anyone else willing to lend a hand.<br /><br />Something else to keep in mind: Becoming a new parent can sometimes feel lonely. If your friends aren't in the baby business yet, you may <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/can-parents-and-childfree-friendships-survive-2023-9">feel disconnected from them</a>. Your relationships with coworkers may change now that you have competing priorities. If family isn't close by or if they're not helpful, you may feel isolated.<br /><br />Creating for yourself a new network of parents, whether it's at the neighborhood playground or on social media, can help make the first year a little less lonely. Talking about your emotions with a friend, your partner, or a therapist can help ease your struggle. Even taking a walk outdoors with your baby and making eye contact with strangers can make you feel less isolated than sitting alone at home.<br /><br /><h2>Myth: It's bad to need a break from your baby</h2>Something that may surprise you about becoming a new parent is how <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/tips-for-being-a-new-parent-to-twins-2023-6">all-consuming it is</a>. There's never a time when you don't have something to do or think about, and there's never enough time in the — exhausting — day to get things done.<br /><br />Truth is, while there's little natural opportunity for "me time," it's good practice to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/how-i-make-time-for-myself-while-parenting-big-family">take a break from your baby</a> when you can — and not feel guilty about it. Not only is there nothing bad about needing a respite from your baby, but a little time away can help you recharge so you feel ready to tackle another day. Even a few minutes in a different room can make a world of difference.<br /><br /><h2>Myth: You're doing something wrong if your baby cries</h2>All babies cry. Period. Full stop. It's the way they communicate their needs. You're not doing anything wrong if, or when, your baby cries. In fact, you're likely doing everything right, because<a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/should-you-let-your-baby-cry-it-out-2019-2"> you're responding as best you can</a>. Continue to remind yourself, even — or especially — when things get rough, that when your baby cries, you're learning about <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/guides/parenting/why-is-my-newborn-crying">what she needs</a>, likes, wants, and feels — and that's a good thing!<br /><br /><strong><em>Excerpted from "</em></strong><a target="_blank" href="https://benbellabooks.com/shop/bite-sized-parenting-your-babys-first-year/"><strong><em><u>Bite-Sized Parenting: Your Baby's First Year</u></em></strong></a><strong><em>" (<keyword id="18943570" type="General" weightage="80" keywordseo="benbella-books" source="Orion">BenBella Books</keyword>, September 19, 2023). Reprinted with permission from BenBella Books.</em></strong><br /><br />

Taking a break from your newborn doesn't make you a bad parent. Here are 6 myths you may believe about having a baby.

<p><div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table"><div><div class="image on-image"><p class="source"><span>Richard Feloni/Business Insider</span></p><p class="caption">Zappos' Head of Human Resources Hollie Delaney.</p></div><p></p></div></div></p><ul class="summary-list"><li>Hollie Delaney is the head of human resources at Zappos.com. Prior to working at Zappos, she worked as the HR manager for the Wet 'N Wild waterpark before becoming an HR generalist for Vegas.com, and then an HR manager at Marshall Retail Group.</li><li>The following is an excerpt from her chapter in "<a href="http://mailstat.us/tr/t/mcd5rnmxk2bz3y7b/f/https://www.benbellabooks.com/shop/the-power-of-wow/">The Power Of Wow: How to Electrify Your Work and Your Life By Putting Service First</a>," a collaborative book featuring the perspectives of over 40 Zappos employees.</li><li>When it comes to figuring out who to hire, Delaney said it's a long process. Recruiters are always looking to see if someone aligns with Zappos' values: "Our hiring process is not just about the resumes. It's about finding out who these candidates are as human beings," she said.</li><li>Employees spend four weeks onboarding. If, at the end of training, new hires decide they don't want to stay, they can quit and get a month's pay.</li><li><strong><a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/?hprecirc-bullet">Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.</a></strong></li></ul><p>I was fed up. I'd worked in HR for years, in a whole bunch of different environments, from a casino to a water park to e-commerce and finally for brick-and-mortar retail, and, to be frank, I just didn't like what was I doing. I felt like all I did was enforce rules all day long, and deal with compliance issues, and tell people what they were doing wrong. There was nothing fun about it. Nothing uplifting.</p><p>I didn't even feel like I was me when I was at work. I didn't dress the way I like to dress. I'm a ripped jeans and t-shirt kind of woman, and at one of my prior HR jobs they made us wear stockings. Like, pantyhose. Every day. Why? Because that was the way it had always been done. Truly, there was no other reason.</p><p>When I was at work at my previous job, I didn't act like I normally act. It was like I put on a persona when I walked through the door. Work was just a job, and sometimes a miserable job, that I dragged myself to every morning only to watch the clock in the afternoon ... </p><p><div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image"><p class="source"><span>Courtesy of Hollie Delany</span></p><p class="caption">Hollie Delaney.</p></div><p></p></div></div></p><p>So when I looked into employment at Zappos for what I truly believed would be a short stay, I grudgingly applied for an HR position. It wasn't the whole new world I was hoping for, but I had heard they were a fun company. I thought maybe it would at least be a somewhat enjoyable place to work while I figured out how to transition to an entirely different career.</p><p>I remember one of the first things the person who interviewed me asked was, "How would your current manager describe you?"</p><p>And I replied, "They'd say I was fun, but a little weird."</p><p>"Really?" she said. "That's one of our core values: 'Create Fun and a Little Weirdness.'"</p><p>"Oh," I said, surprised and honestly a little skeptical. Zappos wasn't widely known back then. I hadn't heard a word about their "core values" or really much of anything else. (Turns out, they'd only just finalized the core values list that very year.)</p><p>"That's weird," I said out loud.</p><p>It turned out that Zappos and I shared a lot of core values, once I learned what those were. I got hired. I stuck around. I moved up the ladder to become head of HR, and, more than 12 years later, I'm still here. The job wasn't so temporary after all! </p><p>You see, I quickly discovered that Zappos' HR department is like no other HR department I'd ever encountered. It's fun and a little bit weird, just like me. And it's built on actually putting the "human" in human resources.</p><p>When you hire people who are aligned with your values and the company's values, things just click - for the employee and for the company. </p><p>So how do we figure out who to hire?</p><p>First off, we take our time. After all, if our employees are our greatest resource, it only makes sense that we would put some serious effort into finding the right humans for our company.</p><p><div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image"><p class="source"><span>Courtesy of BenBella Books</span></p><p class="caption">"The Power Of Wow: How to Electrify Your Work and Your Life By Putting Service First."</p></div><p></p></div></div></p><p>The minute our recruiters start talking to candidates, from the first phone call or email through several rounds of interviews, they bring up the core values and ask behavioral-based questions to see if the candidates understand and align with those values. We dig right in to great customer service and talk about understanding change, and being humble, and taking chances, taking risks, and being ready to learn. Our hiring process is not just about the resumes. It's about finding out who these candidates are as human beings.</p><p>When we get to a final decision phase, the candidates spend the day - sometimes multiple days - on site, getting to know the whole company. They're given tours of the campus so they can see our values in action. They join us for lunches and after-work happy hours, just so we can see how they interact with other employees.</p><p>Once they're hired, we put them through an extensive new-hire training (NHT) and onboarding process. Our onboarding is four weeks! Four weeks in which our new Zapponians get a deep dive into our history, our core values, and who we are as a company. And that onboarding is really an extension of the hiring process. If we decide at the end of those four weeks that they're just not a good fit with one or more of our core values, we let candidates know we're going to let them go; and if they themselves don't feel that they're a good fit for Zappos, we want them to be comfortable walking away as well. We truly want our potential employees to ask themselves, "Is this really what I want? Did I sign up for the right thing? Is working at Zappos really going to make me happy?" And we want them to ask these questions before they're entrenched, before they wind up working for six or eight or 10 months or a year in a place they really don't like, only to quit and put us back at square one with refilling the position.</p><p>How do we get our new recruits to put up with all of that? We give them an offer to quit at the end of training and if they choose to take that offer, they receive a month's pay. Is that a costly process? Yes and no. A small percentage of new hires does elect to quit. And we've found that it's actually cost effective, because we're not just hiring people. We're hiring the right people. People who have a service-first mindset. People who want to be here because we fit them, too, and who, in most cases, are going to stick around for the long haul ... and hopefully make our company better for the hard work we all put in early on.</p><p><em>This excerpt was published with permission from BenBella Books and "The Power of WOW: How to Electrify Your Work and Your Life by Leading With Service" (October 2019).</em></p>    <div class="margin-top">        <h3>NOW WATCH: <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/where-run-hide-earthquake-occurs-2017-6">Here's where you should really go to stay safe during an earthquake</a></h3>        <div>                    </div>    </div>

Zappos gives new employees 4 weeks to decide if it's a good fit - and lets them quit with pay if not. Their head of HR explains how this policy has helped them save money and hire great people.

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Taking a break from your newborn doesn't make you a bad parent. Here are 6 myths you may believe about having a baby.

Sharon Mazel

Zappos gives new employees 4 weeks to decide if it's a good fit - and lets them quit with pay if not. Their head of HR explains how this policy has helped them save money and hire great people.

Hollie Delaney

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