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If you’ve ever lived with a cat, you know the drill: close a door, and within seconds, you’re treated to a symphony of pitiful meows, persistent pawing, and, in extreme cases, a full-on feline assault. But why do our beloved furballs seem to harbour such a deep-seated disdain for <keyword id="22935593" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="closed-doors" source="keywords">closed doors</keyword>? According to experts, it’s not just about being shut out; it’s about a primal urge deeply embedded in the cat psyche — a fear of missing out, or as we like to call it, feline <keyword id="20371650" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="FOMO" source="keywords">FOMO</keyword>. <h2>The curious cat conundrum</h2><keyword id="20218468" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="cats" source="keywords">Cats</keyword> are naturally curious creatures. Evolution has wired them to be ever-watchful, constantly surveying their territory for potential threats or opportunities. This instinct, essential for survival in the wild, translates into some rather quirky behaviours in the domestic setting. <div type="Article" hostid="261" msid="111523471" title="Scientists studied 1,200 cats to determine why they scratch up furniture and how to stop it" mstype="2" mssubtype="0"></div>Dr Karen Sueda, an expert veterinary behaviourist, explained that cats’ <keyword id="19915761" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="curiosity" source="keywords">curiosity</keyword> is more than just a casual interest. “It is a little bit of FOMO,” Sueda told LiveScience. “The FOMO of like, ‘I don’t know what’s on the other side, and I want to go see and figure it out.’” Simply put, when a door closes, a cat’s curiosity kicks into overdrive. What if something exciting — like a rogue laser pointer or, heaven forbid, a tuna can being opened — happens on the other side? The thought is simply unbearable! <h2>The three terrible C’s</h2>Cat behaviourist Jane Ehrlich summed it up with what she calls the “three terrible C’s” that cats can’t stand: lack of Choice, loss of Control, and Change. When a door closes, a cat loses its ability to choose its path, control its environment, and deal with an unexpected change all at once. That’s a trifecta of stress for your <keyword id="22935594" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="feline-friend" source="Orion">feline friend</keyword>. Ingrid Johnson, a <keyword id="22715590" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="cat-behaviour" source="keywords">cat behaviour</keyword> consultant, added that this need for control stems from a survival strategy. “Cats like to control access to spaces and vital basic needs and territory,” she said. “It doesn’t make them mean. It just makes them a species that is both predator and prey, needing to hunt to survive but also to feel safe and secure in their environment.” <div type="Article" hostid="261" msid="112174724" title="I&amp;#39;m a proud, child-free cat lady. Children are still important to me — I just don&amp;#39;t want any of my own." mstype="2" mssubtype="0"></div>But it’s not all about <keyword id="20900220" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="survival-instincts" source="keywords">survival instincts</keyword> either. Cats also have a soft spot for human attention. A 2017 study found that many cats prefer human interaction over food or toys. When you close a door, you’re effectively cutting off their supply of <keyword id="20083229" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="affection" source="keywords">affection</keyword>. And in the eyes of a cat, that’s just unacceptable. <h2>So, what can you do?</h2>First, consistency is key. If you don’t want your cat in a particular room, make it off-limits all the time, not just when guests are over. Sudden changes in access can lead to stress, and a stressed cat is an unhappy cat. Second, pay attention to your cat’s signals. If your kitty is more than just mildly annoyed — exhibiting frantic vocalising, flattened ears, or hissing — it might be time to reconsider your door policy or consult a vet.

Cats hate closed doors because they get FOMO, experts say

<ul class="summary-list"><li>I've lived in Canada for over a decade, and though it's not perfect, I prefer it to the US.</li><li>I've had major surgery and dealt with long COVID for years and haven't paid a cent for healthcare.</li></ul>When my partner was offered a job in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/why-toronto-best-city-quick-trip-things-to-do-skip-2024-10">Toronto</a> 13 years ago, we felt like we'd won the lottery.We were living in the Midwest, where people stared at us as if they'd never seen a multiracial couple before and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/cosmopolitan-jessica-pels-career-advice-how-to-get-dream-job-2020-4">Cosmopolitan magazine</a> was covered with black plastic in the supermarket because it was too racy.We'd long wanted to live somewhere more diverse and walkable, with less violence. Settling in downtown Toronto — where we could walk or take <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/canada-via-rail-vs-amtrak-business-class-review-photos-2022-8">public transportation</a> and over half of the population was born outside Canada — was like being in a smaller, cleaner version of New York City.Add on the promise of Canadian healthcare, and we were close to nirvana.After living for more than a decade in Canada, we've come to realize that the <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/moving-to-canada-from-us-pros-cons-heathcare-home-prices">country is far from perfect</a>. But there are many factors that make it unimaginable for me to live in the US again.<h2 id="a284571f-bca4-4fba-a6f4-d7f8b2efefe7">Canada's healthcare system isn't perfect, but I prefer it to the US's</h2>Canadian healthcare has its downsides.While the majority of care is free, people typically have to pay out of pocket for prescriptions, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/why-americans-dont-exercise-mental-health-crisis-depression-anxiety-fitness-2024-6">mental-health</a> care, and dental and vision care, which can make these services inaccessible to many.Despite that, I can't envision living without <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/dr-adam-kay-americas-been-gaslit-about-socialized-medicine-2019-12">socialized medicine</a> again. I had a complicated pregnancy and an emergency C-section and I developed long COVID four years ago, but I've never paid a cent for healthcare here.When I lived in the US, I worked in public health in California, helping uninsured families access care. I saw firsthand <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-get-medical-bills-reduced-negotiate-challenge-payment-plan-2024-9">how medical debt could ruin people</a>.There was also a brief time when I was in my 20s, before the Affordable Care Act, when I <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-millennials-giving-up-medical-care-cant-afford-costs-2024-2">lived without health insurance</a> in California and was terrified of getting injured and ending up with a huge hospital bill.<h2 id="82b9efcc-e263-4015-b997-fc1d979a471a">Traveling in Canada can be more expensive, but we've found ways to manage</h2><div type="image" title="landscape of Canada's Laurentian Mountains" height="3840" width="5760" msid="115259769" hostid="261" sizebytes="1759662"></div>Because of <a target="_blank" href="https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/airlines-fees-canada">federal regulations</a>, domestic flights in Canada are often more expensive than flights to the US. However, we've found ways to manage by coordinating work trips and visiting friends.<a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/beautiful-natural-wonders-2018-7">Canada's nature</a> is one of our favorite aspects of living here. We've vacationed across the country, but we have a special fondness for Québec's Laurentian Mountains and the forests of Ontario.We also spent months in the Yukon subarctic, where we glimpsed a grizzly bear, lynx, moose, scores of ravens, and wilderness more pristine than I thought possible.<h2 id="001263da-7c4c-4498-aabe-c1e9c7dbf46c">We love the diversity in Toronto, but we have experienced racism</h2>My husband and I found friends through community groups and parent-and-baby classes with other immigrant parents. Our friends are from all over, including Nigeria, Russia, Pakistan, Mexico, China, and Peru.Living in such a global environment is simply second nature for our Canadian-born child, who became trilingual in kindergarten in a public French school.However, immigrants and people of color aren't always treated kindly, despite Canada having had an official <a target="_blank" href="http://pier21.ca/research/immigration-history/canadian-multiculturalism-policy-1971">multiculturalism policy</a> since 1971.My Afro-Latino partner often laments the racism he's experienced in Canada, which has been more directly harmful to him than the racism he experienced in the United States.For example, he sold his bike after nearly being hit by drivers so many times, including one who told him to get off the road before calling him the N-word.When he does porch drop-offs of kids' items I've sold on Marketplace, he gets followed and questioned by people who act like he's a thief.And when we renewed his employer-sponsored work permit at the border a decade ago, an immigration official grilled him and said, "Couldn't they find a Canadian for the job?"In part because of those experiences, my husband has felt compelled to connect even more with different BIPOC communities in Canada.After we moved here, he found out about his Indigenous Caribbean ancestry through genetic testing, and it has become an extremely important part of our experience as a family to educate ourselves about Indigenous people's histories, lives, and teachings. We see it as one of our responsibilities as settlers.<h2 id="859b0674-9e41-4b48-abbc-f3eccee0cca8">I prefer living in Canada to the United States</h2><div type="image" title="Canadian flag with Toronto skyline in the background" height="3744" width="5616" msid="115259767" hostid="261" sizebytes="940328"></div>The longer I live here, the less I feel like I belong when I travel back to the US.My family inhabits multiple marginalized identities — queer, <a target="_blank" href="https://economichardship.org/2023/04/the-disabled-tax-means-i-pay-extra-for-necessities-constantly/">disabled</a>, immigrant, and BIPOC — that are under attack in the US. The ability to live and thrive outside the US, with free healthcare to boot, has long made me feel survivor's guilt for enjoying that stability.There are trade-offs to Canadian life: <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/canada-housing-crisis-bubble-imploding-real-estate-prices-rent-decline-2023-11">Astronomical housing costs</a> caused by foreign investment and government policy make me worry that when my child is an adult, they won't be able to afford rent, much less buy a home.I'm also disabled and cannot work full time. If I'm ever without my partner's financial support, I wouldn't qualify for or be able to live on my province's <a target="_blank" href="https://www.tvo.org/article/people-cant-live-on-dirt-disabled-ontarians-push-for-odsp-reform">paltry disability benefits</a>.In the end, it's a balancing act.I will forever follow events in American society and politics, even when I someday become a Canadian citizen. But for my family's safety and health, there's no going back.

My husband and I moved from the US to Canada 13 years ago. We love the free healthcare here and the great friends we made.

The best stretch of my working life is a period I remember fondly as "Sundays with Jennifer," six months or so in college when I was waiting tables alongside my favorite coworker, named — you guessed it — Jennifer. We spent our shifts chatting and screwing around, treating patrons as little more than an interruption in our weekly hang. We spent weeks planning a "cake party" for our other work friends. One day she brought in weed cookies and one of our coworkers got so high they couldn't figure out how to get out of the bathroom. I do not know if our customers enjoyed the Em-Jen experience, let alone our employer, but we did.Would I do that today? Ehhh, almost definitely not. For one thing, I take work more seriously now. I'm also more ambivalent about the idea of making close friends at work. I've been at Business Insider for only a few months, and I work in a hybrid situation, so it's trickier to befriend colleagues. It's not that I don't want to get to know anyone, but as someone who's been guilty of blurring the line between professional and personal too much in the past, I've found it refreshing to have some distance. This realization is coming at a time when <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/office-friendship-dead-remote-work-employers-turnover-great-resignation-2022-4">work friendships are dying out</a>, and the more I think about it, the more I think it may be for the best.The most obvious reason for the demise of the work friend is the rise of remote work. It's hard to make a new work bestie via Slack and Zoom. While most white-collar workers <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/remote-work-from-home-return-to-office-americans-employment-wfh-2023-10">aren't fully remote anymore</a>, many are still in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/hybrid-work-here-to-stay-ceos-rto-remote-2024-4">hybrid situations</a>. The pandemic changed the way people interact and socialize with their colleagues, even in person. We're no longer in the trenches together day after day. This shifting context has led to some changes in the way we develop relationships at work.There's been a lot of alarmist rhetoric around friendless work. The general line is that work friendships are good because social connections at work <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/work-friends-spouses-loneliness-remote-hybrid-benefits-of-work-connections-2024-6">keep people productive and engaged and help them manage stress</a>. These friendships improve their job satisfaction and make them less likely to quit. Even if someone is sure they don't care about making nice with their colleagues, networking is still a thing, and refusing to play ball may very well hurt their career in the long run. The lonest of the lone wolves needs some sort of connection."I really don't think human beings can toil at their jobs for 40, 50, 60 hours a week without social support in a healthy manner for a sustained amount of time," said Constance Noonan Hadley, an organizational psychologist who founded the Institute for Life at Work.I'm not disputing that personal bonds are important in the working world. Developing a rapport with colleagues is a good idea, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to scramble to find an office BFF. Even before the pandemic, workplaces moved out of the center of people's lives as they aged. You get older and have kids, and you're not so interested in chatting with your 20-something colleagues about their wild weekends. Or you become a manager, and the happy-hour invites slow to a trickle because people don't want to knock back a bunch of beers in front of the boss.More working from home and a detachment from the physical office sped up this transition for many people. Worse things could happen. After years of being told to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/bring-your-whole-self-to-work-risks-experience-2024-2">bring our whole selves to work</a>, many of us could stand to leave a little more at home. Much of the research on friendships at work focuses on how it's a good deal for employers. Employees' feeling a sense of kumbaya helps them get more done and improves bottom-line results. In some cases, this can come at the expense of employees' best interests. Deeper emotional ties can make them more hesitant to leave their jobs — they're comfortable, and they don't want to leave their friends behind. That's great for bosses, but for workers, I mean, who cares? I've loved gossiping with coworkers, but I hope that never caused any of them to doubt whether they should leave for a better opportunity."If you feel disconnected from your coworkers, you're less of a team player. But those are all work-related outcomes," said William Chopik, a social-personality psychologist at Michigan State University who studies relationships. "The reason people work from home is because it's good for their personal life." Chopik added that usually research on working from home focuses on whether it makes people worse at their jobs and not on whether, for example, the lack of a commute benefits them.There are plenty of non-career-related downsides, too. Work friendships can lead to cliquishness and exclusion or even just <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/coworker-badmouthed-to-everyone-forced-to-quit-2024-4">endless whining sessions</a> among colleagues. Workplaces are often competitive, and if one friend gets ahead, tensions can arise. We are sometimes <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-youre-being-undermined-at-work-2016-6">suspicious of our coworkers</a>, wondering if they're interacting with us only because they want something, and we doubt we can trust them at all.On a fundamental level, work friendships aren't the same as friendship friendships. Confusing the two can lead to tension or hurt feelings. A 2018 paper argues that the "four defining features of friendship (informality, voluntariness, communal norms, and socioemotional goals) are in tension with four fundamental elements of organizational life (formal roles, involuntary constraints, exchange norms, and instrumental goals). We hopefully aren't friends with others because we're getting something proportionate and specific out of the relationship in the way we are with work. Saying something embarrassingly stupid in front of a friend is much more acceptable than saying it in front of a coworker, where a certain level of formality is usually part of the deal."I think we should try to bring our best professional selves to work, but why should we bring our intimate selves to work?" said Hakan Ozcelik, a professor of management at the College of Business Administration at Sacramento State University. "Our intimate selves and our needs and our desires and our purposes in our intimate roles as human beings should be fulfilled in other domains in our lives rather than at work."He recently presented research that looked at employees' emotions at work, eliciting stories of when people felt happy, sad, angry, etc. What he and his coauthors found was that task-related events, such as finishing a project, were likelier to result in positive emotions than relationship-related events, such as getting appreciation from a colleague. Employees were likelier to report negative emotions in response to relationship-related events than task-related events.Ozcelik argued that Perhaps this means the task-related events, rather than the relationship-related events, are where "the happiness, the real joy, comes from," Ozcelik said.There's no one-size-fits-all formula for friendships at work. It depends on the workplace, your colleagues, and your own personality. Some people need to feel like they belong at work, while others derive most of their satisfaction from the job itself. Hadley, the organizational psychologist, was adamant that no one should try to go it alone forever, professionally, though she acknowledged some workarounds. Perhaps you don't have a lot of friends in your office but you start going to a coworking space or an industry networking event and meeting people there. "You need professional colleagues in some kind of relationship way," she said.There's space for moderation, though, or even the chance to shed some work friendships for good. Given that we spent the past few decades being told to bring our whole selves to work or hearing from employers about how we're all family, it seems like a positive development that some workers are implementing more boundaries, to use some therapyspeak. You don't have to be a jerk to your colleagues, but you also don't have to invite them to your wedding or say yes to happy hour or know all the ins and outs of their personal lives. It's fine to shut your laptop at 5, tell Jane or Joe or whoever to have a good night, and not know what that night entails. In a culture as work-obsessed as ours, it's OK to lean out some and still stay connected."Work is about getting certain things done by using your skills and your intelligence and your network, and so whatever you do there creates an aura," Ozcelik said. "And then if you are connected to that environment, that's great. You are not a lonely employee. But that doesn't mean that there are people there who love you."<a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/author/emily-stewart">Emily Stewart</a> is a senior correspondent at Business Insider, writing about business and the economy.

Work friends are over and maybe that's actually fine

<ul class="summary-list"><li>On a trip to Melbourne, Adrian Chia envisioned a holiday home to unplug from the world.</li><li>He sold his IT business and partnered with two friends to build Big Tiny, a tiny house startup.</li></ul>How nice would it be to leave everything behind, unplug from the world, and relax abroad?This thought lingered in Adrian Chia's mind after a two-week family vacation exploring the Great Ocean Road in Melbourne in 2016.Shortly after returning home to Singapore, he floated the concept of <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/millennial-city-life-quits-job-build-tiny-house-wood-denmark-2024-9">living an unplugged life</a> by his friend Dave Ng, whom he'd met in his 20s during mandatory national service."We were just chitchatting, but Dave started thinking about it seriously," Chia, now 43, told Business Insider. Ng came up with the idea of creating a tiny house on wheels — a mobile house that could be easily relocated if a particular location did not attract guests.In 2017, the pair decided to sell their businesses — Chia had been working in IT and Ng in waste management — and start a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-build-own-tiny-home-company-plans-2023-4">tiny house business</a> called Big Tiny. They invested 100,000 Singapore dollars, or around $77k, each, and dove into brainstorming their first prototype."I knew I was venturing into uncharted territory," said Chia, who was married with two young kids and had a newborn at the time.<h2 id="b90f8f35-563a-4d9d-9797-e15f7148fc10">An early obstacle</h2>With no experience in architecture or building, their first roadblock was figuring out how to build a tiny house."I can't even change the door knob at home," said Chia, adding that the thought of having to fit a kitchenette, a bedroom, and a living room into a 20-foot space was daunting.They hired an architect to help with the <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/couple-lives-in-tiny-home-on-wheels-with-office-bedroom-2023-6">design of the house</a> and agreed on a few essentials. First, the house had to be on wheels. Next, they had to ensure that the house did not feel claustrophobic.Six months of trial and error later, Chia and Ng assembled the <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/built-tiny-house-parents-backyard-rent-free-saved-money-2024-3">first prototype home in Chia's garden in Singapore</a>.<div type="image" title="A tiny home" height="3024" width="4032" msid="113509611" hostid="261" sizebytes="1381548"></div>They began scaling the business by sending tiny houses overseas. The first two were sent to Australia, one to Victoria and the other to New South Wales.In 2018, Chia convinced a friend from elementary school, Jeff Yeo, to join the team of founders and help with branding. Yeo had worked as an account director and manager at several marketing agencies.Together, they raised around SG$4.2 million over two funding rounds, Chia said. That includes SG$3.8 million in the second round, which took place in 2021.<h2 id="2f26daf1-a207-42de-80b6-4a8c216f56ad">Developing their tiny houses into a profit-sharing business</h2>After garnering attention from local media, the team started to receive inquiries on how to purchase tiny houses, Chia said.So, in 2017, the team started a program that allowed people to buy a tiny house for around SG$90,000. In return, they managed the hotel side of the business by renting the unit back from the buyer. They either rented the tiny house for two years and paid 8% a year or five years and paid 10% a year. Big Tiny then earns from the profit of nightly stays, Chia said.Although the headquarters is in Singapore, Big Tiny's first move was to send <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/live-in-a-tiny-mansion-home-so-could-afford-california-2023-10">tiny houses</a> out to the rest of the world. The homes had a modular design — flat packed "like Ikea furniture," as Chia describes.<h2 id="86541299-29a2-4f07-931a-d1593e686640">In 2023, they set up tiny houses in Singapore</h2><a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tiny-home-village-atlanta-south-park-cottages-photos-booker-washington-2024-3">The tiny house movement</a> encourages <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tiny-house-new-yorker-first-time-experience-2022-7">minimalistic and sustainable living</a>. Although the movement has taken off in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tiny-house-movement-future-2021-1">countries like the US</a> and <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tiny-home-tube-shape-surprising-things-europe-slube-photos-2023-2">Germany</a>, it has been less popular in Singapore.In 2021, an opportunity arose for Big Tiny to set up houses in Singapore under a government initiative promoting innovative business ideas.The government awarded Big Tiny state land, for which the company pays rent, to build their <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/stay-tiny-home-remote-lazarus-island-singapore-2024-8">tiny houses on Lazarus Island</a> — one of the eight Southern Islands in Singapore."We jumped on it," Chia said.In an email response to BI, a representative from the Sentosa Development Corporation, an organization under Singapore's Ministry of Trade and Industry, said the initiative aimed to complement the existing environment of Lazarus Island by introducing "light-touch" recreational uses.Additionally, the response noted that Big Tiny's houses were equipped with sustainable features, which were in line with their goal of reducing vacationers' carbon footprint on the island.The government also awarded another company a chance to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/luxury-tent-glamping-into-the-woods-lazarus-island-singapore-2024-9">build nine tents nearby.</a>Since opening the tiny house resort in April 2023, Chia said, it has been running on an average of about 90% occupancy. Guests have to book a few months in advance to secure their stay. He added that they have been cash-flow positive since their inception.In August, BI was able to book a stay for SG$380 a night, less than three weeks in advance, although only a few tiny houses remained available at the time. All of the houses were full during BI's stay.<h2 id="4f271ca1-9272-4f7b-83ed-2c77ec2a4d51">Each tiny house is placed in nature</h2><div type="image" title="An accommodation in Lake Stella, New Zealand" height="3459" width="5189" msid="113509618" hostid="261" sizebytes="2539654"></div>Seven years on, Big Tiny has placed more than 400 tiny houses in more than 10 countries worldwide, from Taiwan to Europe and Australia.On Singapore's Lazarus Island, guests are surrounded by lush greenery and can swim in the sea. At Lake Stella in New Zealand, two hours north of central Christchurch, guests can hike the surrounding mountains or take a dip in the lake. In Yilan, Taiwan, guests can sleep in a tiny forest cottage and gaze at the stars when night falls.<div type="image" title="The cofounders of Big Tiny take a selfie" height="2736" width="3648" msid="113509620" hostid="261" sizebytes="240580"></div><h2 id="a0ebf152-35eb-4037-bc31-9862591a586e">Working with friends can be challenging</h2>Looking back on the journey, Chia said he learned that ideas never come fully formed. "When I was speaking with Dave, it was just an idea of putting tiny houses in rural areas so that people can recharge themselves in nature," he said.He said they never thought they could build tiny houses in his own garden — let alone transport them worldwide.And although <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/business-partnership-ended-friendship-partners-friends-2024-1">working with close friends</a> can be tricky, Chia credits their successful collaboration to clearly defining their roles.While Chia oversees revenue and strategic development, Ng heads operations and production, and Yeo focuses on branding."Whenever we face problems, we will call for a discussion. Everyone will have ideas on how to get things resolved," he said."But at the end of the day, the person leading the aspect of the business will take ownership and decide on what is the best course ahead."

How 3 friends without any hospitality experience started renting out over 400 tiny homes in remote locations around the world

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Matthew Walters, 56, has been with his wife, Orna, for 17 years.</li><li>They knew they didn't want kids before they met.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with<a target="_blank" href="https://www.loveonpurpose.com/about/"> Matthew Walters</a>, coauthor of "<a target="_blank" href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/759672/getting-it-right-this-time-by-orna-walters-and-matthew-walters/">Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Roadblocks to Lasting Love</a>." It has been edited for length and clarity.On our <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/first-date-red-flags-2018-5">first date</a> 17 years ago, the woman who would become my wife talked a lot about kids. Orna shared her love for her nieces and gushed about how cute a friend's baby was. So I asked her, "How do you feel about having kids?"She tossed the question right back to me and watched me hem and haw. At that point I knew <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/didnt-want-kids-relationship-changed-my-mind-2023-7">I didn't want children</a>, but I was worried about sharing that on a first date. Then, Orna said, "I don't want any." I thought, "Thank God."<h2 id="5612ea64-1b51-4b89-80ae-e7c044f54a05">I already had an outlet for nurturing people</h2>For most of my 20s I was living a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/van-life-road-trip-convinced-nomadic-lifestyle-is-for-me-2024-3">nomadic life</a> working in the entertainment industry. I wasn't sure I wanted to get married, let alone have children. In my mid-30s, I realized I wanted a partner and became serious about finding a long-term relationship.At the same time, my experiences solidified for me that kids weren't a priority for me. <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/why-viral-birth-order-dating-theory-feels-true-2024-6">I grew up the youngest of five</a>, with a lot of competition and bullying. I don't think of childhood with nostalgia or fond memories, and I wasn't sure I wanted to bring someone else into the world. I also had concerns about the environment and politics.Most importantly, I had a strong purpose outside having kids. I was working as a hypnotherapist and poured nurturing energy into helping people heal. That way, I could impact people's lives — and the world.<h2 id="90524724-d182-43f5-9627-a09e5b3ca8f7">My decision to be child-free had already impacted my dating life</h2>I knew I wanted a partner who shared that desire to impact people. Once, I was talking to a woman I was very attracted to. She mentioned how she couldn't wait to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/woman-left-high-paying-job-stay-home-with-her-kids-2022-12">become a stay-at-home mom</a> one day. I couldn't imagine myself as the sole breadwinner, with a partner focused on child-rearing. Despite my attraction, I didn't call that woman for a date.The summer before I met Orna, I was dating a woman who wanted kids. There was a ton of pressure to let her know whether I wanted to become a dad. That was one of the top reasons we broke up. When I met Orna, I was relieved we were on the same page from the start.<h2 id="02b06943-4cc5-406e-b297-1de2f88d2e24">We lost friends over the decision not to have kids</h2>Orna and I were both over 40 when we married, but young enough that having kids was still a possibility. Lots of people assumed we were going to immediately start trying for a baby, likely <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ivf-baby-surrogate-parents-unused-embryos-tiktok-2023-12">through IVF</a>.Our friends who were childfree by choice warned we would lose friends over the choice not to have kids, and they were right. Other couples who married late and were going through IVF drifted away from us.I noticed a difference between the men and women. My friends tended to say, "I'm so glad you finally found someone." Orna's friends would say, "So you're going to try for a baby now?"Over our marriage, we've mostly stayed friends with other child-free couples. Many got married older, like us, but one of our close friends got married in their early 30s. They faced lots more pressure than us to have children because they were married younger.<h2 id="b993824b-5962-4428-84a9-e42179457cab">We're fulfilled without being parents</h2>Orna and I have never regretted not having kids. We've created a meaningful life around our decision to help others and impact the world.Each year, on our anniversary, we write down five things we want to create together. The next year, we look at what we accomplished and what we still want to do and write down a new list of five. By doing this, we're continuously growing and creating together. We don't need parenthood to be fulfilled.

My wife and I knew from our first date that we didn't want kids. We've been together for 17 years and lost friends because of our choice.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>After deciding against a traditional college path, Clémentine Mollier became a boatbuilder.</li><li>She works on wooden boats and is the only one among her close friends in a trade job.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Clémentine Mollier, a 32-year-old shipwright living in Portsmouth, England. Business Insider verified her employment with documentation. The following has been edited for length and clarity.I grew up in France. After finishing high school, I decided to travel instead of going to university.I spent time in Australia, Asia, and Canada, volunteering and working minimum-wage jobs. I had a thirst for discovery and being away from home.When I returned to France at 26, I enrolled in a yearlong boatbuilding course. I've since spent six years as a boatbuilder and have no regrets about my decision not to go to university.My job is niche, but I think it has a place in the future.<h2 id="83976ede-a2cc-4aec-8ab9-704763209c63">My friends were all picking universities — I considered going to art school</h2>In France, going to university is relatively inexpensive because tuition is subsidized by the government.I felt pressured to pick a university like my friends but I struggled to choose a degree because I had so many interests. I considered studying philosophy or literature. Art school was also an option because I wanted to be an artist, but I'd heard it was hard to get a job after an art course.I love travel, so I settled on a private six-month flight attendant degree, funded through a loan from my parents. It was very different from a university course. Our classes were in a hotel's convention room and a training facility.I didn't become a flight attendant after completing the course. Instead, I <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/moved-to-australia-no-regrets-cheaper-sunshine-2024-1">moved to Australia</a> and began traveling and doing odd jobs.After traveling through different countries for around six years, I returned to France in 2018. I had been working in retail in Canada and wasn't feeling fulfilled. I considered <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-welder-blue-collar-work-earning-getting-fit-2024-7">training in a skill</a>. I knew I liked to create things, so I looked into <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/construction-jobs-housing-skilled-trades-infrastructure-electricians-future-work-opportunities-2023-11">construction</a> and woodworking paths.I enrolled in a yearlong boatbuilding course, which was free because the government subsidized it. Now, I'm a full-time boatbuilder.I am somewhat sad I missed out on the university experience. I would have enjoyed attending lectures and living in a dorm. But I'm happy with the choice I made.<h2 id="a7cd8701-b1f3-4676-a979-4407dde47345">I can see myself progressing in my boatbuilding career</h2>On the course, we built a kayak and Norweigian Pram, a small clinker boat, to learn the different stages of building, like making frames and varnishing. It gave me an understanding of a boatbuilding job, but I was still inexperienced.We did multiple work placements as part of the course. I did a three-week placement in Portsmouth, England. They asked me to come back and work with them as a shipwright — working on wooden boats — when the course was over.We were restoring and building sailing boats. When I started, I felt like I knew nothing, but thankfully, I was surrounded by people willing to train me.I was the only woman in the workshop, which was a very male environment. My first reaction was to mimic their behavior. We had good fun, but I felt like I wasn't being myself. I'm passionate about paving the way for women in the industry.I stayed in that job for four and a half years, then moved to Costa Rica for three months and worked on wooden cargo ships before returning to Portsmouth. I've been working at the National Museum of the Royal Navy for the past five months.My team is restoring the HMS Victory, an 18th-century warship. The project is meant to last 10 years, but I'm not sure how long I'll stay.It's the first time I've collaborated with a conservation team and considered the significance of every piece of the ship.I'm very happy in my career and can see myself progressing, especially in the job I'm in now. As a boatbuilder, I earn enough to afford a comfortable but modest lifestyle. I can cover rent and save for holidays, but a managerial role would pay better.The hierarchy is quite flat in a boatyard setting, but at the museum, we have lead shipwrights and a master shipwright, so there are options for <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-move-up-the-career-ladder-without-being-a-brown-noser-2013-7">moving up the ladder</a>.I'd like to eventually work in a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/became-manager-before-i-was-prepared-what-wish-i-knew-2020-9">management position</a>.The <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-neurosurgeon-mom-demanding-job-parenting-2024-6">job is physically demanding</a>. You're on your feet all day, and you're carrying things. Initially I didn't think I'd be able to hack it until retirement, but in my museum job, there's machinery to lift things, making me think I could stay in this career longer.<h2 id="a790b1fc-1bb6-4d2f-855a-7d0c0dd99804">I'm more suited to my trade job than a corporate setting</h2>None of my close friends do a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mechanic-college-blue-collar-tesla-stigma-2024-6">trade job</a>. I don't tend to compare myself to others, but I think I'm just as happy and fulfilled as my friends.If you define success in terms of money, this isn't the career for you, but I don't regret my decision. My friends sometimes envy my job because I can do things for myself, like building furniture.Before boatbuilding, I briefly worked as a receptionist. I enjoyed wearing nice clothes and heels to work, but it wasn't for me. I need to be outside and moving.More people are <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/blue-collar-job-demand-growth-white-collar-layoffs-ai-2024-5">moving into trade jobs</a>. Some people at my current workplace changed careers after being teachers and bankers. People want to use their hands more.I have a niche job, but I think it has a place in the future. I'm personally seeing a demand in the UK among people who are passionate about maintaining and building wooden boats.I don't see the industry exploding and everyone wanting to enter it, but I still see a future in it.Do you have a story about choosing a career in the trades that you want to share? Email <a target="_blank" href="mailto:ccheong@businessinsider.com">ccheong@businessinsider.com</a>

I skipped college and became a boatbuilder. My friends who aren't in trade jobs envy me. 

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Walmart is holding sensory-friendly shopping hours on Saturday mornings during back-to-school shopping season.</li><li>In stores, radios are turned off, lights dimmed, and TV screens set with stationary images. </li></ul>Shopping can be overwhelming with blaring music, in-store announcements, and bright lighting. Walmart is testing out a new kind of shopping experience — one that tones down all those features.Walmart is holding <a href="https://corporate.walmart.com/newsroom/2023/07/06/attention-teachers-students-walmart-is-going-big-on-back-to-school-savings" target="_blank" rel="noopener">sensory-friendly shopping hours</a> on Saturday mornings at most stores for the back-to-school shopping season.Walmart said the shopping hours are part of its efforts to create "a quieter shopping environment that's more enjoyable for customers who live with sensory disabilities." From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. on Saturdays, store radios are turned off, TV screens silenced and set with stationary images, and lights dimmed.The program started in July and runs through August 26.<h2>Walmart is giving customers a chance to navigate the store in a calmer environment and to reduce sensory overload. </h2><div type="image" title="Walmart sensory-friendly hours sign" height="2274" width="3024" msid="102583383" hostid="261" sizebytes="335844"></div>For shoppers with disabilities, the changes made during these store hours may be especially beneficial. But even consumers without disabilities will discover the sensory hours provide a peaceful environment to shop in. <h2>During my own trip to a Walmart store in Kansas during these hours, I was shocked by the quiet atmosphere in the store.</h2><div type="image" title="Walmart TV's displaying a message about the store's sensory-friendly shopping hours" height="960" width="1280" msid="102583385" hostid="261" sizebytes="129528"></div>There was little noise, save for smatterings of chatter from employees, beeps from items being scanned through checkout lines, and employees rolling carts throughout the store. No music or announcements were playing over the store radio, and when I strolled through the electronics section, computer screens were blank and TVs were silent and only displayed pictures with text that read: "During these hours you'll experience a calmer shopping environment."<h2>When I returned to the store several days later during regular shopping hours, the biggest change was in the electronics section. There, computer screens displayed a slideshow of visuals...</h2><div type="image" title="Walmart computer screens" height="3024" width="4032" msid="102583387" hostid="261" sizebytes="723802"></div><h2>... and the electronics aisles were buzzing with noise from video advertisements flashing across TV screens and competing with the store's radio. </h2><div type="image" title="Walmart TV aisle" height="3024" width="4032" msid="102583389" hostid="261" sizebytes="715986"></div>Everywhere else in the store, a persistent string of music and announcements blared. I also had to weave my way through more shoppers who were filtering throughout the store. <h2>I don't have a sensory disability, but I found shopping during the sensory-friendly hours a calmer experience overall.</h2><div type="image" title="Walmart store back-to-school shopping" height="2268" width="3023" msid="102583393" hostid="261" sizebytes="487088"></div>There were no announcements cutting into my train of thoughts or music playing overhead. During these designated quieter hours, there was no sense of rush.Fewer shoppers were in the store during the Saturday morning hours, compared to my second visit on a Monday morning. At first, the store lighting didn't seem dimmer, but I realized the overhead lights were softer than the harsh bright, "buy-me" lighting typical of large department stores. <h2>For children and adults with disabilities, these changes are likely significant.</h2><div type="image" title="exterior of a Walmart store in Kansas" height="1450" width="1933" msid="102583395" hostid="261" sizebytes="351368"></div>Supermarkets, compared to restaurants, public transportation, and healthcare settings, were considered the most disabling environments for adults with autism, according to <a href="https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/aut.2022.0024?journalCode=aut" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a 2022 study</a> published in the journal "Autism in Adulthood." People with autism reported enduring a <a href="https://www.reading.ac.uk/news/2022/Research-News/Autistic-people-find-supermarkets-a-spiderweb-of-sensory-experiences#:~:text=Bright%20lights%2C%20loud%20noises%2C%20strong,people%2C%20new%20research%20has%20found" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"spider web"of disabling senses</a> in supermarket settings — faced with bright store lighting and persistent noise filtering from store music and announcements.Walmart isn't the only retailer making changes like these. <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandhealth/infographic-disability-impacts-all.html#:~:text=7.2%20percent%20of%20U.S.%20adults,seeing%20even%20when%20wearing%20glasses." target="_blank" rel="noopener">One and four US adults who have a disability</a>, and retailers are finding ways to create more inclusive experiences for those customers.Target and Starbucks have implemented measures to create more inclusive shopping experiences for customers with disabilities. Target has a few sensory-friendly product lines, including <a href="https://affiliate.insider.com?h=d031e2f699e3136b3e0e5c8ec5cedbb60426d74ff9eb27467e358ff907da790e&amp;postID=64cac9a38e16d4f2bfc1613a&amp;site=bi&amp;u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.target.com%2Fc%2Fsensory-friendly-kids-home%2F-%2FN-b50sj" target="_blank" rel="noopener">home items</a> for kids. Starbucks is <a href="https://stories.starbucks.com/press/2022/starbucks-paves-way-for-more-inclusive-and-accessible-experiences-in-stores-around-the-world/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">testing out speech-to-text technology</a> for customers who order or pick up items in store. The coffee company <a href="https://stories.starbucks.com/stories/2021/starbucks-offers-aira-creating-accessible-experience-for-blind-and-low-vision-customers/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">launched a free service</a> in 2021 that assists people who are blind or have low-vision as they navigate a store by connecting them to visual interpreters over a phone app.

I visited Walmart during its 'sensory-friendly' shopping hours and loved the calmer, less chaotic shopping environment

<ul class="summary-list"><li>When I applied to Yale and got in, I thought the hard part was behind me.</li><li>But on campus, there was even more competition to get into the top clubs, organizations, and classes.</li></ul><a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/more-competitive-than-ever-get-into-college-admissions-2024-1">Applying to college</a> in 2017 was one of the most stressful times of my life.I'd dreamed of attending a prestigious college since the first grade, so in the fall of my senior year of high school, I packaged and repackaged myself for 14 colleges in 150-word answers.What do I want to study? English — probably. What motivates me to learn? Fear and anxiety, if we're being honest, but we're not. So let's say it's the interconnected nature of the universe. What would I contribute to my first-year dorm if admitted? Crisp oxygen. I have a lot of houseplants.There were days I wanted to quit. At my <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/student-athlete-drafted-playing-mlb-baseball-2023-9">public high school</a> in Arkansas, no one else seemed to be applying to as many schools, but I kept reminding myself that it would be worth it. Plus, come spring, I'd be done with personal essays and never have to do them again.The following March, I got into college. I <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/asian-american-man-accepted-yale-university-college-2023-8">matriculated at Yale</a>, bought room decor, and learned the hard way that Yale dorms didn't have air conditioning. After the initial excitement of moving in and meeting my suitemates, I was hit with another round of applications: this time for classes and extracurricular activities.I quickly learned that the competitive nature of the college-application process bred even more competition among <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/harvard-dining-options-freshman-food-boring-2023-12">Ivy League students</a> once they got to campus.<h2>My first days at Yale were filled with a 2nd round of applications</h2>Like my fellow first-year students, I attended back-to-back information sessions for clubs: the Yale Dramatic Association, debate, Sabrosura (its Latin dance team), and more. Every information session was essentially the same: Here's what we do. You can do it too. Just apply — no experience required.Then came the rejection emails. The debate team didn't want me even though I'd captained <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/college-applications-advice-admissions-expert-apply-2023-10">my high-school</a> team for three years. Neither did the Latin dance team, even though I'd taken dance classes for 12 years. My suitemates and I bonded over the high-school extracurriculars we thought had gotten us into Yale, which we seemed no longer qualified to do. Some of my friends got into clubs only to find out they had to apply internally to participate.It wasn't just extracurricular activities. Every semester, I wrote essays, submitted writing samples, and emailed professors to get into classes I needed to graduate. It's common for seminars to receive over 100 applicants for 12 spots. I applied three times before being admitted to a popular essay-writing class.This wasn't how I pictured my first year. College was supposed to be my time to make mistakes, experiment, and try out things. After prioritizing things I excelled at over having fun for most of high school, I planned to go back to the activities I had given up along the way. I wanted to audition for a play or take up aerial gymnastics.Instead, I had to do the equivalent of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/dont-join-extracurriculars-just-to-buff-up-college-application-2023-9">applying to college</a> again every year I spent at Yale.<h2>It's not just a Yale problem</h2>It's not just Yale that breeds a hypercompetitive environment. The university actually felt a lot less overtly competitive than high school because people weren't all trying to achieve the same narrow set of goals. But the atmosphere created a stigma around failure that caused some people, including me, to hold themselves back from trying new things.To be good at something, you have to have tried it, "failed" a lot of times, and persisted. But the audition/application process at Yale made it so that I either had to be prodigiously good the first time I tried something or have spent years improving — and even that might not be enough.The director of Yale's education-studies program, Mira Debs, has pointed <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/09/yale-college-undergrad-clubs-competitive/675219/">out in The Atlantic</a> that many clubs are student-run, so perhaps the students are creating a competitive environment. But it's hard not to notice the parallels between Ivy League admissions and the subsequent application cycles.Competitive clubs are a product of a value system we bought into as children so that we could get into these schools. That doesn't just go away because you can recognize that it's destroying you. That's why exclusivity isn't just a Yale problem. It's pervasive among <a target="_blank" href="https://www.thedp.com/article/2022/10/selective-club-leaders-freshman-frustrated-tips">all</a> <a target="_blank" href="https://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2023/05/princeton-opinion-competitive-culture-mental-health-eating-clubs">colleges with </a><a target="_blank" href="https://www.columbiaspectator.com/opinion/2019/01/29/rejected-again-identity-club-exclusivity-harms-community/">competitive</a> <a target="_blank" href="https://cornellsun.com/2022/03/29/aggarwal-what-i-found-outside-of-competitive-club-culture/">admissions</a>.I'm still unlearning the all-or-nothing mindset that makes me feel like things aren't worth doing if I'm not immediately good at them. Before college, I wanted to try my hand at acting. Now that I've graduated, maybe I finally can.Editor's Note: Yale's communication office declined to comment on this story.

I couldn't participate in extracurriculars at Yale because of the school's competitive environment. It's not just a Yale problem.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>I moved from Venezuela to the US two years ago. </li><li>I miss Venezuela a lot, but the US has taught me many valuable lessons. </li></ul>As an immigrant who <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/13-ways-venezuelans-try-to-live-normally-as-their-country-falls-apart-2019-4">moved from Venezuela</a> to the US less than two years ago, longing has become a constant part of my daily life. After college, I had to leave my country for personal reasons, not to mention the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/venezuela-reportedly-has-less-than-1-billion-in-cash-2020-1">political and economic instability</a> there. The decision was not easy; it meant leaving behind my family, friends, and the culture that shaped me.I deeply miss Venezuela — the warmth of my grandparents' home every Sunday, the streets filled with people I know, and the community I simply felt part of. This move has highlighted the cultural differences between my home and my new environment, reminding me of the memories that keep me connected to my country.It's all so different here — but these are the biggest differences between Venezuela and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/surprising-things-about-vermont-after-moving-from-south-photos-2022-6">Vermont</a>. <h2 id="00c51e65-02f9-4137-8cc7-d069d3421882">I learned to appreciate the weather</h2>Due to my limited travel experiences, I didn't know the privilege of having sunshine slip through my window every morning until I moved to Vermont in an autumn week. I was born in Los Llanos, a region in Venezuela known for its grasslands and ranches, rich folklore, and sunny climate. Even during the rainy season, the days are generally hot with only brief interruptions of heavy downpours — that was my winter.I went to a more urban town to attend college, surrounded by mountains, buildings, and universities. However, even in the city, the weather remained stable, with a light breeze and plenty of sunshine. The climate was still nothing compared to the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/vermont-town-closes-scenic-road-after-influx-of-influencers-vistors-2023-9">cold and snowy winters of Vermont</a>.I learned to appreciate the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/best-fall-foliage-in-us-photos-winter">changing fall leaves</a> and prepared myself with thicker knit sweaters in advance, but adjusting my body and mind to this weather is a work in progress. I like to think about how seasons represent a much-needed change in life every few months. It's nice to structure the year knowing you can only sled around Christmas, and the beach only looks inviting during a hot July weekend.<h2 id="a28f866e-a8e0-4564-bcba-299fc29368c6">I have more career opportunities in the US</h2>I was impressed by the range of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/33-high-paying-jobs-for-people-who-dont-like-stress-2019-3">career opportunities</a> available and the freedom to explore different industries. In Venezuela, I had the expectation to follow a linear career trajectory, I felt pressured to stick to my planned career path and become a clinical psychologist, and deviating from that path felt like I'd be failing my plan. Living in Vermont has allowed me to reconsider my professional goals. Here, I've discovered opportunities in fields I had never thought of before, such as my current role in a local B2B SaaS company.I used to hold myself to high standards, believing that success meant sticking to a single, well-defined career. However, embracing a more <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/dream-job-in-office-work-full-time-flexibility-benefits-2024-3">flexible perspective</a> has helped me to seek out workplaces that align with my values, and it has made my professional journey much more fulfilling.<h2 id="a651ce7d-888c-4b4c-a7b5-c28221c309c8">It's been hard to make friends here</h2>In Venezuela, I was part of a community where I truly felt I belonged, even as a shy girl. From my family in my small town to my friends in college, I was familiar with my surroundings and the cultural norms that were part of my identity. Social bonds were a regular and easy part of my life, providing inclusion and support.Here in the US, I've had to build connections in different ways, appreciating the independence that characterizes the community. <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-make-friends-as-adult-moving-cities-nyc-la-2023-9">Making friends wasn't as easy</a> as meeting a friend of a friend. Instead, I've turned to Facebook groups and Bumble BFF, besides work, to get to know people. While I've had my ups and downs, this experience has made me more empathetic toward others experiencing similar feelings of displacement.<h2 id="f53e42a1-a366-45b0-aeea-833d1f456834">I'm more independent now</h2>Moving to the US introduced me to a culture that highlights independence and self-reliance, whereas in my small town, nuclear families were the norm. This shift required me to rethink my understanding of support and connection. It still feels isolating not to have the same level of familial involvement in daily decisions and activities here in the US.Over time, I've come to value the empowerment of autonomy. Yet, this doesn't mean disconnecting from my roots. Instead, it means maintaining regular communication with my family, seeking their advice and emotional support while also making my own decisions and navigating my life independently.Adapting to a new culture requires constant self-evaluation. Slowly but surely, I've become more patient with myself and more appreciative of the small victories along the way.

I moved from Venezuela to Vermont 2 years ago. I have more career opportunities but it's hard to make friends.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Buying a home with a friend can help two or more single people afford the current housing market. </li><li>13% of respondents to a recent survey said they purchased a home with a non-romantic partner.</li></ul>Elisa Ball and John Williams <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/florida-boomer-bought-home-with-ex-saves-money-brings-joy-2024-3">bought a house in Florida</a> last year. It has 2,200 square feet, a backyard for the dog — and two master bedrooms.Though they dated from 1997 to 2009, Ball and Williams are now just friends. They banded together to buy property in Palm Bay, a city north of West Palm Beach, because Williams needed some help after a fall and Ball found her rent in South Florida was skyrocketing out of control.It worked: Ball said her half of the mortgage payment is about $1,100, much less than the $1,875 rent she was paying in nearby Boca Raton."I am now able to save a minimum of $500 a month that I'm banking — I haven't been able to do that since 2014," Ball, a 67-year-old travel agent, told Business Insider. "I can spoil myself a little more that I haven't been able to for years and in an environment that I truly love to be in."The upfront cost of buying a house has always been a burden for potential buyers. But now — when <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mortgage-payments-rate-housing-market-home-prices-federal-reserve-redfin-2024-2">mortgage rates</a> are relatively expensive, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/housing-market-bubble-home-prices-stay-high-crash-real-estate-2024-2">home prices</a> hover around all-time highs and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/soaring-home-car-insurance-rates-hurting-americans-finances-us-economy-2023-11">insurance premiums</a> and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/average-property-taxes-every-us-state">property taxes</a> are on the rise — it's especially hard.<div type="image" title="A woman sitting with a dog." height="960" width="720" msid="108350768" hostid="261" sizebytes="48786"></div>Just take the standard down payment of 20%, which could cost anywhere <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/how-much-down-payment-for-a-house">from $39,127 to $263,392</a> depending on where you live, according to Business Insider's personal finance team. These days, real-estate data shows, monthly payments including mortgage, taxes, and insurance are probably <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/housing-market-affordable-buy-rent-premium-prices-mortgage-rates-homeowners-2023-10">not going to be lower than rent.</a>As a result, people like Ball are <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-buying-homes-friends-communes-housing-crisis-2021-10">buying homes with friends</a>. A January survey by insurance agency JW Surety Bonds found that 13% of 1,004 respondents said they have <a target="_blank" href="https://www.jwsuretybonds.com/blog/co-buying-homes-new-american-dream">co-purchased a home with a non-romantic partner</a> — and 48% would consider it.In 2023, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.zillow.com/research/buyers-housing-trends-report-2023-32978/">cobuyers</a> were much more likely than in 2023 to cite affordability and ease of getting mortgage approval as reasons for choosing that route, according to Zillow.Ball and others who've bought homes with friends say there are pros and cons. One of the more obvious benefits? The reduction in housing costs. The downsides include openly talking about finances and coordinating sensitive legal documents like wills.Did you buy a home with a friend? Would you like to share your story? Email Jordan Pandy <a target="_blank" href="mailto:jpandy@businessinsider.com">jpandy@businessinsider.com</a>.<h2>A woman in Austin helps others buy homes with a friend — like she did in her 20s</h2><a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/real-estate-austin-texas-millennials-buying-house-with-friends-2023-8">Kristina Modares</a> enlisted a friend's help to buy her first property in San Antonio at 24 years old. Since then, she's bought eight properties with the help of friends or family members.<div type="image" title="Kristina Modares and Steph Douglass founded Open House Austin." height="2200" width="3300" msid="108350769" hostid="261" sizebytes="341602"></div>Modares, a real-estate agent in Austin, partnered with a friend, Steph Douglass, to create a brokerage that encourages women to invest in real estate and promotes purchasing property with friends as one means to do it.They call the trend of cobuying "houses before spouses.""No one was teaching first-time homebuyers. Everyone was like, 'Millennials don't have money, and they're never going to do this, and it's not possible for them,'" Modares told Business Insider's Noah Sheidlower. "It is possible, but you just have to be creative. I bought every single property with friends, and that was the only way I could get started. Now it's my preferable way of buying homes."<h2>You must make sure you trust who you're buying with</h2>Making a purchase as large as home is always risky. But when you're going through it with someone you're not legally tethered to, there is an added level of uncertainty.It's important to have an exit plan in place in case one party decides they want out, Ball said, adding that her negotiations with Williams were made easier by their relatively simple family structures."We don't have parents and we don't have children, so basically what's mine is his and his is mine," she said. "His other legal documents leave everything to me and vice versa."Ball added that she trusts Williams, which is a key factor in making their partnership work. The two have a joint bank account that is used just for housing expenditures, like mortgage payments and repairs."If you don't trust them, they can empty out the bank account," she said.People who haven't dealt with roommates for awhile will need to get reacquainted. Ball said it's important to test out living with the other party before committing to buying — maybe in a lower-stakes renting situation.Ball and Williams lived together when they dated, so she already knew what to expect. But if you and your co-purchaser have different lifestyles, she added, it could be a mess."I'm very happy," she said. "It's a wonderful thing if it's with the right person. But again, if it's with the wrong person, it's a nightmare."

No partner? No problem. People are joining forces with friends to afford to buy a house

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Riho Maruyama is a 25-year-old college student in Utah.</li><li>She got married in her freshman year and found out she was pregnant in her senior year.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Riho Maruyama. It has been edited for length and clarity.During my <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/a-day-in-the-life-senior-georgetown-university-college-2023-5">senior year of college</a>, my husband, who I married in my freshman year, and I found out we were expecting a baby. The news surprised us. It was a total shock.I felt like there was this stigma that once you have a baby, your life would be over. That you can't do all that you love anymore.At the time, I was in the thick of classes, work, and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/george-flanagan-rugby-star-10-game-ban-for-testicle-attack-2021-3">playing rugby.</a>My team had won a national title the previous year, and we were training for another one. It was terrifying to tell my coach I was pregnant and couldn't play anymore.I also really wanted to graduate from college. With only a year left, I was so close to finishing. Work was a necessity. We needed the money, so quitting wasn't an option.I was determined to have my baby but not to give up on the things that I loved most.<h2 id="29cbfef3-187e-4544-872d-56b24be8a75e">Our friends became our support system</h2>Already living in a two-bedroom house, we <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-i-wish-i-knew-about-pregnancy-before-getting-pregnant-2022-10">spent my pregnancy preparing</a> for a new baby. Our house is in a college town with many students living around us. My brother only lives two doors down from us.They started to become a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-support-new-parents-during-covid">support system</a> even during the pregnancy, but once our daughter Hinami was born, their help was amplified.Since my husband and I were both getting degrees, playing rugby, and working part-time, we were going to need all the help we could get with Hinami.Soon after her birth, our <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/tech/how-to-create-whatsapp-group">group chat</a> became a day care forum to talk about who could take care of Hinami, with different people volunteering to have her when my husband and I weren't around.A typical day for me started at 4 a.m. when I would wake up to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/easy-breast-pumping-hacks-2018-8">pump breastmilk</a> that my husband could give her when she woke up in the morning. I'd leave the house at 5 a.m. for rugby practice and get back at 7 a.m. When I got home, I'd start working from home while my husband went to classes. Hinami often slept, only waking for feeds, until 11 a.m. so I could get on with work pretty easily, even with her there. By the time Hinami was born, I was getting my master's degree, which didn't require me to go in for classes as much. My husband would come back from school, and I would work all afternoon while he had the baby.<h2 id="4d9ca47f-0c92-44d8-bb3e-4681256859ff">We've only paid for childcare 3 times since she was born</h2>There have been plenty of times when work, rugby, or school kept both of us from being able to watch Hinami. Friends have stepped up to the plate to help when we've <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/childcare-too-expensive-unaffordable-2024-3">needed childcare</a>. At times, it is a bit like a baton toss, with her staying with one friend for an hour and then another friend having her the next.Since we've had her, we've only had to pay for daycare at most three times. Having a village of friends around has saved us so much money. This group of friends hasn't only been childcare help — they've continued to be our social circle, which we see most evenings. Everyone will come to our house and Hinami will stay up with us, often until 12 a.m. She'll be awake and around when everyone watches sports in the evening or while we study. They'll volunteer to do her nighttime feedings and make her laugh by throwing her up in the air. All of them are incredibly protective of her.Luckily, our group of friends aren't drinkers or smokers, so we've been able to trust them to be around Hinami in the evenings.One of my favorite things to watch is how the guys have been with her. I expected my girlfriends to have a motherly instinct with Hinami, but to see college boys playing with and nurturing a baby who isn't even their own has been shocking and incredibly sweet.Maybe it is Hinami's personality, or perhaps the impact of being raised by college students, but she is very adaptable to both change and people. Since birth, she's learned to be around many different people in different environments and routines.Raising her around people who don't have children has allowed me to become a first-time mom without fear of judgment. We are all learning what it means to take care of a baby together.I wouldn't have been able to raise Hinami without this village of friends around us. It's been a game changer. Because of them, life didn't have to stop. I could be a mom, an athlete, a student, and an employee, even with a newborn.

You Searched For "Environment Friendly" and got 11 results

Cats hate closed doors because they get FOMO, experts say

Ankush Banerjee

My husband and I moved from the US to Canada 13 years ago. We love the free healthcare here and the great friends we made.

Lygia Navarro

Work friends are over and maybe that's actually fine

Emily Stewart

How 3 friends without any hospitality experience started renting out over 400 tiny homes in remote locations around the world

Erin Liam

My wife and I knew from our first date that we didn't want kids. We've been together for 17 years and lost friends because of our choice.

Kelly Burch

I skipped college and became a boatbuilder. My friends who aren't in trade jobs envy me.

Charissa Cheong

I visited Walmart during its 'sensory-friendly' shopping hours and loved the calmer, less chaotic shopping environment

Grace Mayer

I couldn't participate in extracurriculars at Yale because of the school's competitive environment. It's not just a Yale problem.

Serena Puang

I moved from Venezuela to Vermont 2 years ago. I have more career opportunities but it's hard to make friends.

Luisana Rodriguez

No partner? No problem. People are joining forces with friends to afford to buy a house

Jordan Pandy

I had a baby during my senior year of college. My friends helped raise my daughter so I could graduate and continue working.

Lauren Crosby Medlicott

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