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Has Santa promised to bring you a red hot rose and a chocolate-filled <keyword id="24479" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="100" keywordseo="heart">heart</keyword> this Valentine’s Day? No, we have not mixed up Christmas with <keyword id="4167782" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="V-day">V-Day</keyword>. Santa might be sitting out of V-day (the grumpy old soul), but that’s no reason why we should not have an <keyword id="2046986" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Old-Father-Valentine">Old Father Valentine</keyword> or an <keyword id="2046987" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Old-Mother-Valentine">Old Mother Valentine</keyword> bringing us what our hearts desire. 
 Although <keyword id="4171139" type="ENTERTAINMENT" weightage="100" keywordseo="February-14">February 14</keyword> has been traditionally earmarked as the day to celebrate <keyword id="411749" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Romantic-love">romantic love</keyword> and <keyword id="2046991" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Couplehood">couplehood</keyword> with gifts of <keyword id="5823" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="Flowers">flowers</keyword>, <keyword id="25282" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="chocolates">chocolates</keyword> and V-Day cards (we are not ruling out diamonds or the gift of a remote island if your beau’s pocket suits it), you will be surprised to find how the legends and practices vary from country to country and from culture to culture. 
 To begin with, there is the most popular notion that <keyword id="560286" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="Saint-Valentine">Saint Valentine</keyword> was a <keyword id="51197" type="POSITION" weightage="100" keywordseo="priest">priest</keyword> who lived in <keyword id="6356059" type="CITY" weightage="80" keywordseo="Rome">Rome</keyword> in the third century. When <keyword id="2046992" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="80" keywordseo="Emperor-Claudius-II">Emperor Claudius II</keyword> outlawed marriage for young men to turn them into better soldiers, the kind-hearted priest still performed the weddings in secret till the time he was caught and put to death for defying the emperor. Another version suggests that he was executed for helping the Christians escape from Roman prisons. It is also said that the captive priest fell in love with his jailer’s daughter and wrote her a last letter before his death that said – From Your Valentine. 
 
These are, no doubt, most touching tales and stir up our passion for love, friendship and camaraderie. But before we get all soft and mushy, here are 7 fun facts and oddments from all over the world that will spice up your V-Day this year. 
 
Will Santa sue <keyword id="2046984" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Jack-Valentine">Jack Valentine</keyword>? Yes, he may, if what is happening in <keyword id="86049" type="CITY" weightage="100" keywordseo="Norfolk">Norfolk</keyword> goes viral. In this county in the East of England, Jack Valentine brings gifts and candy for kids and fancy presents for grown-ups. He leaves those on the doorstep, knocks and then disappears. Sounds a lot like Santa? Well, almost. Only he/she happens to be a close friend or a friendly neighbour who wants to make your day. But we firmly believe in the myth of Jack Valentine and here’s what one BBC writer has to say, “I hope Jack Valentine got a good lawyer. I love Jack dearly, but when Santa finds out what he’s up to, there’s going to be trouble! Let’s face it – turning up out of thin air once a year, leaving presents and disappearing without a trace – it’s the same act. It’s a lawsuit just waiting to happen.” 
 
 
 
Not a Saint’s day… it’s a <keyword id="2046997" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Pagan-festival">pagan festival</keyword>, folks. And dates back to Roman times, according to some experts. It has probably evolved from the Feast of Lubercus or the <keyword id="2046999" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Festival-of-Lupercalia">Festival of Lupercalia</keyword> that originated in third century Rome and took place every year on February 15. At that time, it was a kind of thanksgiving to <keyword id="2046985" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="80" keywordseo="God-Lupercus">God Lupercus</keyword> who protected shepherds and their flocks of sheep from hungry wolves roaming outside the city of Rome. During Lupercalia, <keyword id="2047000" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Goddess-Juno">Goddess Juno</keyword> was also worshipped and young people chose their partners for the festival by drawing names from a box. But the <keyword id="2046998" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Roman-festival">Roman festival</keyword> went out of fashion when Christianity became prevalent and in 496 AD, Pope Gelasius changed the Lupercalia festival of February 15 to <keyword id="2047001" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Saint-Valentines-Day">Saint Valentine’s Day</keyword> on February 14. 
 
 
 
What’s V-Day got to do with birds mating, agriculture? It’s <keyword id="20721" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="romance">romance</keyword> time for your winged <keyword id="343" type="ENTERTAINMENT" weightage="100" keywordseo="Friends">friends</keyword> – that’s what the people of <keyword id="6373167" type="COUNTRY" weightage="80" keywordseo="Slovenia">Slovenia</keyword> believe. As per the old European belief, birds choose their mates on February 14 and this might have led to the idea that young people should do the same. Interestingly, the earliest description of the Valentine’s Day tradition occurs in Chaucer’s Parlement of Foules, composed around 1380, which takes place “on Seynt Valentynes day,/Whan every foul cometh there to chese (choose) his make (mate).” In Slovenia, they also say that <keyword id="217334" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="St-Valentine">St Valentine</keyword> brings the keys of roots and the V-Day is the day when plants and flowers start growing. That’s why February 14 is the first day of the year when work begins in the fields. Also, St Valentine, locally known as Zdravko, is considered the patron saint of beekeepers in this part of Europe. Earlier, March 12 or Saint Gregory’s Day was considered the day of love and the first day of spring until the V-Day took over. 
 
 
 
In <keyword id="6355311" type="COUNTRY" weightage="80" keywordseo="Japan">Japan</keyword>, <keyword id="2047006" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="V-Day-chocolate">V-Day chocolate</keyword> is not that sweet. What the heck! If you are a woman and in Japan, chances are you are buying loads of ‘<keyword id="2047008" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Obligation-chocolate">obligation chocolate</keyword>’ and paying out of your own pocket. Traditionally, only <keyword id="624" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="100" keywordseo="Women">women</keyword> buy the gift of chocolate on February 14 and different types at that, depending on the nature of the relationship. So you buy <keyword id="2047009" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Giri-choko">giri-choko</keyword> or ‘obligation chocolate’ for <keyword id="74643" type="CITY" weightage="100" keywordseo="bosses">bosses</keyword>, <keyword id="580180" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="co-workers">co-workers</keyword>, <keyword id="1307041" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="male-friends">male friends</keyword> and casual acquaintances, and <keyword id="2047010" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Honmei-choko">honmei-choko</keyword> or sweetheart chocolate for boyfriends, <keyword id="6374759" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="lovers">lovers</keyword> or <keyword id="64920" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="husbands">husbands</keyword>. But don’t feel too bitter about it. The <keyword id="2047018" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="100" keywordseo="White-Day">White Day</keyword> on March 14 is the time when the Japanese males reciprocate and come up with return gifts which are at least two or three times more valuable than the V-Day gifts they have received from the women. But what if you get a present of equal value? It means the romance is over. 
 
 
 
Too many love-days in <keyword id="5565" type="COUNTRY" weightage="80" keywordseo="South-Korea">South Korea</keyword>. You got it right – romance days are just too many in this Asian country. It starts with the traditional Valentine’s Day on February 14 and here, too, women buy chocolate and candy for the men. But just like Japan, the White Day on March 14 sees the men buying gifts for the women (this kind of gift exchange is a nice tradition, we must say). Wait, there’s even more. There’s the <keyword id="80230" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="Black-Day">Black Day</keyword> on April 14 when heartbroken singles (those who never got any gift) flock to local Chinese eateries, sympathise with each other and express their sorrow by eating <keyword id="2047019" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Jajangmyeon">jajangmyeon</keyword> or black noodles – a noodle dish topped with a thick sauce made of black soybean paste (hence the name). Next up on the calendar is <keyword id="2047020" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Pepero-Day">Pepero Day</keyword> (named after a <keyword id="2047024" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Korean-cookie-stick">Korean cookie stick</keyword> dipped in compound chocolate) on November 11. With so many days to celebrate, gift-giving expands to a really wide circle of friends, <keyword id="22378" type="ENTERTAINMENT" weightage="100" keywordseo="family">family</keyword>, <keyword id="50724" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="Colleagues">colleagues</keyword> and pretty much everyone you know. So chances are no one will have to eat ‘black noodles’ this year for lack of companionship. 
 
 
 
 
No V-Day in <keyword id="6355226" type="COUNTRY" weightage="80" keywordseo="Brazil">Brazil</keyword>? Don’t be shocked. What we mean is Brazilians don’t celebrate it on February 14 like the rest of the world does. Brazil celebrates its day of romance on <keyword id="2047027" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="June-12">June 12</keyword> and it is called <keyword id="2047025" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Dias-dos-Namorados">Dias dos Namorados</keyword> or the Day of the Enamoured. The rituals are the same, though, as people exchange chocolates, flowers and other gifts. But the next day, there is even a bigger celebration as <keyword id="2047026" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Saint-Anthonys-Day">Saint Anthony’s Day</keyword> is observed on <keyword id="1077344" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="June-13">June 13</keyword> and <keyword id="56152" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Single-women">single women</keyword> perform various rites in a bid to find great life partners. <keyword id="2047028" type="PERSON" weightage="100" keywordseo="Saint-Anthony">Saint Anthony</keyword> is known in Portugal, Spain and Brazil as a marriage saint because he used to reconcile couples. And his feast day on June 13 is celebrated with gala parades and colourful marriages that no one is likely to forget. 
 
 
 
<keyword id="2047029" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Vinegar-valentines">Vinegar valentines</keyword> – try them out. 
Want to flush some people out of your life? Do it this V-Day. One way of doing it is tear up their photographs and shout abuse on the phone, à la Jab We Met movie. But why don’t you look up some vinegar valentines, also known as <keyword id="2047032" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Hate-valentines">hate valentines</keyword> or <keyword id="2047033" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Penny-dreadfuls">penny dreadfuls</keyword>? They are nothing but elaborate Valentine’s Day cards with a twist – featuring <keyword id="620955" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="caricatures">caricatures</keyword> and satirical verses/messages that can make the heart burn in the wrong way. This curious tradition started around 1840-1850 and continued till the 1940s. In fact, they became so popular at one point that they accounted for more than 50% of <keyword id="2046990" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="V-Day-card">V-Day card</keyword> sales. But the tradition died a slow death and the V-Day has become syrupy sweet nowadays. Still, if you would like to send in some <keyword id="2047036" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="Caustic-V-Day-greetings">caustic V-Day greetings</keyword>, you may just find some vintage cards online. 
 
 
 
Images: Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images

Celebrating V-Day: 7 Legends, Myths & Fun Facts You Will Love To Explore

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Eva Mendes says she had a "non-verbal agreement" with Ryan Gosling to step back from acting when they had kids.</li><li>"It was like a no-brainer," Mendes said on the "<a target="_blank" href="https://www.today.com/video/eva-mendes-talks-career-motherhood-and-sponge-business-207697989888">Today</a>" show, adding she was "lucky" to have that time with her kids.</li></ul>Eva Mendes says she and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ryan-gosling-barbie-sylvester-stallone-bachelorette-inspired-ken-2024-2">Ryan Gosling</a> had a "non-verbal agreement" that she would step back from her acting career to stay at home with their children when they decided to have kids."It was like a no-brainer," Mendes, 50, said on the "<a target="_blank" href="https://www.today.com/video/eva-mendes-talks-career-motherhood-and-sponge-business-207697989888">Today</a>" show on Tuesday when asked about transitioning from being an actor to a full-time mom. "I'm so lucky if I could have this time with my children."Mendes and Gosling started dating in 2011 after meeting on set while filming "The Place Beyond the Pines." They've maintained a private <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ryan-gosling-eva-mendes-relationship-timeline">relationship</a> ever since and share two daughters, Esmeralda and Amada."It was almost just like a non-verbal agreement that it was like, 'Ok, he's going to work and I'm going to work, I'm just going to work here,'" Mendes said.She also clarified that while still works, she prefers not to act."I still worked, I just didn't act because acting takes you on locations, it takes you away," she added.According to her <a target="_blank" href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0578949/">IMDB</a> page, Mendes hasn't acted in a show since 2014's "Lost River," which was written and directed by Gosling. However, she did some voiceover work for Bluey, a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tv-shows-to-watch-with-your-kids-disney-netflix-peacock-2023-8">kid's television series</a>, in 2021.In a 2022 interview with <a target="_blank" href="https://variety.com/2022/film/news/why-eva-mendes-quit-acting-1235351470/?cx_testId=48&amp;cx_testVariant=cx_undefined&amp;cx_artPos=3#cxrecs_shttps://variety.com/2022/film/news/why-eva-mendes-quit-acting-1235351470/?cx_testId=48&amp;cx_testVariant=cx_undefined&amp;cx_artPos=3#cxrecs_s">Variety</a>, Mendes also said she doesn't really miss acting and is focused on "keeping it in the home" with her kids.Since 2022, Mendes has also been the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/skura-style-announces-eva-mendes-as-new-co-owner-and-brand-ambassador-301540317.html">co-owner and brand ambassador</a> of a cleaning product company, Skura Style.<h2>Meeting in the middle</h2>Mendes and Gosling's approach to childcare isn't one that can be well replicated among ordinary couples, Mu Zheng, an assistant professor at the department of sociology and anthropology at the National University of Singapore, told Business Insider."First of all, it's very likely Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling reached the agreement based on a fair, egalitarian discussion and decision-making," she said. "But in more regular scenarios, it may be a very gendered situation where women, most of the time, are expected to make such a choice."The best way for couples to navigate childcare arrangements is to be open to discussion and make decisions on an equal standing, experts say."Eva and Ryan seem to have an amazing connection, and their intuition may have been aligned on how to raise their family, hence why they were able to have the 'non-verbal agreement,'" relationship coach <a target="_blank" href="https://amiethedatingcoach.com/">Amie Leadingham</a> told BI."However, not all couples naturally have this type of connection, and being communicative about their needs can help create clarity and a structure that makes both people happy," she added.It's important for partners to discuss the arrangement with each other so that they know they're both on the same page. This can help avoid resentment, Leadingham said.<h2>Every couple is different</h2>However, not everyone can afford to be like Mendes and Gosling, and have one partner focus almost entirely on raising kids."I believe a wise strategy for any couple is the one that is agreed upon by both and that is applicable to the couple themselves and the circumstances they are in," Kenneth Tan, an assistant professor of psychology at the Singapore Management University, told BI.This includes factors such as in-law support, finances, as well as their actual careers, he said."Some couples might want the 'traditional' arrangement, whereas others do not," Tan said. "It should not be prescriptive in a way where we merely follow social roles or follow how others have done it."In the end, there is no wrong or right way to approach this matter, Leadingham said: "Every family gets to create their own structure that works for them."When communicating, partners need to listen to understand each other's point of view rather than defend, Leadingham said. And when dealing with conflict, creating an environment with a win-win solution for both people is essential."Remember, it's not only love that keeps a couple together, it's how they fight and resolve their problems," she added.More than anything else, it's about being a team."Ultimately, these discussions should take place in a context where partners feel safe and secure in each other, and trust that the other is looking out for each other and that they are strong in their couplehood," Tan said. "A marital couple that thinks in terms of 'you' and 'I,' instead of 'we,' is less likely to be committed in the first place."

Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling had a 'non-verbal agreement' about who stays home with the kids. That's probably not going to work for you, experts say.      

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Landis Bejar and Vasia Toxavidi are relationship therapists specializing in pre-wedding therapy.</li><li>They told Business Insider the signs they see in engaged couples that suggest they might not last.</li></ul>It might seem pessimistic to think about <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/messy-celebrity-divorce-return-trendy-sofia-vergara-ariana-grande-2023-7">divorce</a> while you're engaged, but plenty of married couples break up. And cracks can appear as early as the wedding planning stage, therapists told Business Insider.Landis Bejar, a licensed therapist and founder of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.aisle-talk.com/">Aisle Talk</a>, a New York-based therapy practice that specializes in the stresses of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/how-to-plan-a-wedding-step-by-step-guide">wedding planning</a>, said that a wedding is a "microcosm for the rest of your marriage." How you solve issues during planning processes can be a good litmus test for how you deal with issues later on in your marriage, she said.A strong marriage requires communication with and respect for the other person, and wedding planning can expose when these things are missing, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.vasiatoxavidi.com/">Vasia Toxavidi</a>, a relationship psychotherapist in London, said.Bejar and Toxavidi shared the red flags they see during <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/wedding-planners-red-flags-divorce-couple-2020-1">wedding planning</a> that suggest that a couple's marriage might end in divorce.<h2>Prioritizing details of the wedding over the marriage that it represents</h2>Bejar said that she gets concerned for the outlook of an upcoming marriage when people get caught up in the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/things-to-never-do-when-planning-wedding-according-to-planner-2022-5">details</a> and what a wedding "should" look like, and can't bring themselves back to the reason for the celebration."It's OK to get swept up in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/what-to-remember-month-before-wedding-details-couples-forget">organizing a wedding</a>," she said, "but it's important to not prioritize the wedding over the marriage."Toxavidi said that couples should remember that they're getting married because they want to be together for life, and so details such as the extravagance of the wedding party or the number of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/things-wedding-guests-should-never-do-according-to-planner-2022-7">guests</a> don't matter as much as the commitment they're making on that day.<h2>Not being able to compromise</h2>"Some people dream of their<a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/tips-for-couples-getting-married-whats-worth-the-money-2023-5"> wedding day</a>," Toxavidi said, and have a specific image of what they want it to look like. But, there are two people getting married, so the wedding needs to suit them both and one partner shouldn't feel pushed out of decision making.Bejar said that "there's got to be some give and take and some compromise. When there's no compromise, that's a red flag for how the rest of the marriage will be."<h2>Spending outside of your means</h2>A couple's attitude towards the wedding <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/spend-less-on-wedding-marriage-lasts-longer-2023-9">budget</a> and how it fits into their long-term finances can be a warning sign that the marriage might not work out, Bejar said."If you're going way over your personal budget, you're not in touch with what your specific spending capabilities are, or if you're going into debt taking out <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/couples-debt-funding-instagram-worthy-weddings-2019-6">wedding loans</a>, that is concerning," she said. "Getting caught up in optics or trying to impress people means you've lost sight of what is important."You get a wedding for a day and — hopefully — a marriage for a lifetime, she said. But if you prioritize the wedding over the long-term parts of your marriage, like finances and the health of your relationship, that could be a problem.<h2>Only one person is invested in the wedding</h2>Having one partner take the reins in wedding planning can work if both parties are genuinely happy with that set-up. But if one partner feels alone in wedding planning, that can be a red flag, Toxavidi said.Weddings that are planned by one partner, when the other partner has the capability but chooses not to make the effort, can be a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/how-to-know-if-your-marriage-will-end-in-divorce-according-to-science-2017-10">predictor of divorce</a>, because they suggest that one partner is more invested in the marriage.<h2>Prioritizing family over the partner</h2>"Only ever prioritizing your family of origin rather than the partner that you're about to marry is not a good sign," Bejar said.Again, the wedding is about the joining together of partners, Toxavidi said, and so it's important to "protect the couplehood," and not "bend over backwards" trying to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/tough-things-every-couple-should-tell-wedding-guests-2022-1">please family</a> members.Couples shouldn't let other people influence <a target="_blank" href="https://www.insider.com/biggest-signs-a-marriage-will-work-or-not-wedding-expert-2022-10">wedding planning</a> too much, because it could lead to a precedent being set where external influences have more power in the relationship than they should in the future, Toxavidi said.

5 wedding planning red flags that could mean you're headed for divorce, according to therapists

<ul class="summary-list"><li>I tried Peoplehood, a "guided group conversation practice" from the founders of Soulcycle. </li><li>The hour-long sessions involve answering prompts and practicing listening.</li></ul>When I first heard about Peoplehood from a friend during book club, we all had a lot of questions. The concept, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/soulcycle-founders-launch-peoplehood-guided-conversation-business-2023-1">recently launched by the founders of SoulCycle</a>, is billed as a "guided group conversation practice designed to improve our relationships." It costs $55 for a newcomer 3-pack or up to $165 a month to participate in hour-long sessions either virtually or in-person in New York. <a href="https://www.peoplehood.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Per the website</a>, it involves speaking "freely" and listening "deeply." Which is a bit ... vague. My book club wondered: Was it just spin class without the bike? A peer-support group without the shared history? Speed dating without the flirtation? Or, was it just like us: "book club" without the book? If so, we thought, Peoplehhood ought to at least serve cheese.According to the founders, Elizabeth Cutler and Julie Rice, Peoplehood is a "practice" best thought of as "a workout for your relationships," they wrote me via email. "In a time when <a href="https://www.cigna.com/static/www-cigna-com/docs/about-us/newsroom/studies-and-reports/combatting-loneliness/cigna-2020-loneliness-report.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">61% of American adults self-classify as lonely</a>, we believe this practice is more vital than ever before." Intrigued but still confused, I asked Peoplehood if I could attend a "Gather" – its name for each session – to find out more. The company waived the fee and I joined a conversation at the Manhattan location in March. Here's what it was like. <div type="image" title="Peoplehood swag" height="3023" width="3023" msid="99516412" hostid="261" sizebytes="437610"></div><h2>The space looked like a group fitness studio – at first </h2>When I arrived at Peoplehood in Chelsea around 10 am on a snowy Tuesday morning, my hair still wet from a swim at a nearby YMCA before, I felt good. I'd taken care of my body; now I was going to take care of my mind. Or, was it my soul? The small, bright space was at first reminiscent of a fitness studio, outfitted with lockers, a coffee bar, and swag. Yes, you can buy a "PPLHD" sweatshirt or a jar simply labeled, "transparency."Later, Peoplehood's public relations contact told me that the jars are from a <a href="https://theflowmarket.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Danish company </a>that combines "a sculptural aesthetic with layered pondering and understated humor to create iconic pieces for reflection, conversation and manifestation." Right.I checked in, received a number indicating where I'd sit, and grabbed a sparkling water. A Gen Z-er who seemed to be a regular bantered with employees.So far, so SoulCycle. A few minutes past the allotted start time, the other Peoplehooders (Peoplehoodlums? Peoplehoodies!) and I were ushered into a dim room where nine chairs circled a large candle and Coldplay set the tune. Anticipatory smiles – and an actual space heater – helped warm the space. <div type="image" title="Inside a Peoplehood &quot;Gather&quot;" height="3023" width="3023" msid="99516414" hostid="261" sizebytes="720436"></div>Most participants were white women under 40, like me. With my wet hair and sweatpants, I was relieved to find they were also comfortably dressed. Our "guide," or moderator, was an effusive young former <a href="https://www.insider.com/guides/health/fitness/rumble-boxing-class-review">Rumble boxing instructor</a> named Juliana. Peoplehood <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/07/style/self-care/soulcycle-peoplehood.html?fbclid=IwAR0utpaysPlsKoQIJru9ZF3SjQK04W9PVn-7U3QTJHFspS5xDszpjo3Xn_4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">told the New York Times</a> its guides undergo days of training and weeks of practice, and aren't stand-ins for therapists (though it's hard to guarantee some people won't see them as such)."Guides are storytellers, super connectors, DJs and empaths with big hearts and even bigger smiles," the company <a href="https://www.peoplehood.com/https://www.peoplehood.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">website says</a>. "They know what you're going through, because they've been there too."<h2>The topics ranged from grief to dating woes</h2>After leading us through some deep breathing and light stretching, Juliana disclosed a personal struggle, which I suspect intended to set a tone of vulnerability. While she seemed genuine, the format felt abrupt. We didn't even know one another's names. That soon changed. After establishing the guidelines – only respond by snapping your fingers or putting your hands over your heart — we shared our names and something else about us at that moment, be it a chore we'd left undone or a difficult phone call we were reeling from. Snaps, nods, and heart-holding abounded.This was the first of many times that hour I struggled to keep my mouth shut. What if I let an "mmm-hmm" slip? At what point does the purpose of keeping mum backfire, leading to more self-monitoring than presence?<div type="image" title="Peoplehood's coffee bar" height="2401" width="3600" msid="99516416" hostid="261" sizebytes="91100"></div>Next, we answered two more prompts as a group, including Peoplehood's signature question: How are you doing REALLY? (The "really" is, in fact, capitalized on the company's coffee sleeves.)Members divulged feelings of grief and longing, and brought up self-aware concepts like self-bullying and self-sabotage. One participant even self-criticized her own self-doubt. "Imposter syndrome is so 2017," she said. And yet, she still suffered from it. More snaps ensued. I couldn't help but think the kinds of people drawn to, and able to afford, such listening circles are those least likely to need it. Still, I found the exercise comforting: Despite appearances, everyone is going through something.<h2>When we paired up to answer prompts, I messed up — but I don't regret it </h2>Next, we paired up to answer the last two prompts, including one about our favorite traits in ourselves. Here's where I blew it. <div type="image" title="Peoplehood outside" height="4032" width="3024" msid="99516418" hostid="261" sizebytes="843118"></div>While each person was supposed to share, uninterrupted, for three minutes, my partner finished about a minute early. Sheepishly, I whispered: "I know this is cheating, but ..." and pointed out a pattern I'd noticed in her response. She seemed grateful, but Peoplehood was not. "Active listening is listening without interrupting, offering advice, or giving an opinion," the founders wrote when I asked about the interaction later. But <a href="https://dictionary.apa.org/active-listening" target="_blank" rel="noopener">active listening</a> can also mean asking follow-up questions or restating the speaker's thoughts. Otherwise, the listener could be drafting their grocery list and the speaker could be left feeling even more unheard, <a href="https://physicians.wustl.edu/items/jessica-jessi-gold-md-ms/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dr. Jessi Gold</a>, a psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis, told me. "If you went to a psychiatrist who just stared at you, you would feel very hurt," she said.Happiness researcher <a href="https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sonja Lyubomirsky</a> was also stumped by this aspect of Peoplehood. "I would like to see some more opportunities for the other person to show authentic interest and that they understand and care," she said. <h2>Does what happens in a Gather stay in a Gather? </h2>After a final group prompt and some music, we all filed out.Here too, I was unsure of protocol. Could I chit-chat with participants by the coffee bar? If so, could I offer the name of a doctor to someone who'd said they were stuck with a bad one or commiserate with fellow self-sabotagers? If I see Imposter Syndrome woman on the Subway, should I look the other way? Cutler and Rice told me everyone's different: Some want to connect post-class, others want to remain private. Some want to attend a regular, say, Tuesday night session, others want to switch it up. (The concepts and intentions change weekly, and the company is introducing spinoffs including "Couplehood," "Fatherhood," and "Singlehood.") Unsurprisingly, though, they say everyone should attend consistently to improve their "practice."But the squishiness of those non-guidelines can be a fault, Gold told me. "Really making sure that people understand the role of the group, what they're signing up for, what they're paying for, is critical in these kind of situations," she said. <div type="image" title="Inside Peoplehood" height="1800" width="2401" msid="99516421" hostid="261" sizebytes="71136"></div>Still, Lyubomirsky and Gold both said they see more benefits than potential harms in Peoplehood. We're <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/20/nyregion/loneliness-epidemic.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">in the midst of a loneliness crisis</a>, and if the venture helps fight it, great.Even if you never see them again, Lyubomirsksy said, "research shows that just chatting with strangers like your barista, or your Uber driver or your neighbor makes people feel happier and more connected." <h2>While I appreciate Peoplehood's mission, I don't think I'll return </h2>Peoplehood promises one thing: That you'll walk away feeling better than when you arrived. I suppose I did, albeit incrementally.In a city full of people you rarely make eye contact with, it was refreshing to cut to people's hearts. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research shows</a> questions that probe beyond small talk can accelerate intimacy between strangers. But I also left feeling even more confused than when I entered. Peoplehood is like a class, but without an advancing curriculum or growing camaraderie. It's like a coffee shop or bar, but without the coffee or cocktail or workout that got you in the door to begin with.And with so many aspects it lacks, it's hard to justify the one thing it has: A cost. So for now, I think I'll stick with book club. And If Imposter Syndrome Woman is reading, she's invited too.

I tried Peoplehood, the SoulCycle founders’ new ‘guided conversation practice.’ I still don’t know what that means.

<a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/master-your-money"></a><div type="image" title="maia dave zeta app" height="2438" width="3250" msid="80013660" hostid="261"></div><ul class="summary-list"><li>Miscommunication around financial tasks, like <keyword id="6808575" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="paying-bills">paying bills</keyword>, can add stress to any relationship.</li><li>One millennial couple found that automating their bills and their individual savings helped them get organized. </li><li>Experts say spending less time on the routine tasks frees up more time to discuss important financial decisions as a couple.</li></ul>"Did you pay that?""Oh no, I thought you did!" We've all had this conversation about paying bills with a significant other. Instead of repeating this dynamic, why not consider a different approach, like <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/how-automated-savings-investing-works-2018-12" target="_blank" rel="noopener">automation</a>?Automating your finances can do more than just help streamline paying your bills, it can also <a href="https://www.askzeta.com/combining-finances" target="_blank" rel="noopener">help your relationship</a> with your partner. Fighting about money is <a href="https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20180207005698/en/Money-Ruining-Marriages-in-America" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a top cause of divorce</a> among married couples. Automation can help reduce the time we spend sharing spreadsheets and nagging each other about who paid the mortgage and the gym membership.Maia Bittner, a 32-year-old startup investor, and her boyfriend Dave Corson-Knowles, a 39-year-old engineering manager from Camano Island, Washington, are big believers in the power of automating their money to make sure that shared expenses get paid seamlessly and on time. <h2>Taking care of shared tasks and working toward individual goals</h2>"Even if paying bills manually is easy, it's still a burden to remember you have to do it. And spreadsheets are a pain, you always have to remember to add things and double check it and worry," Bittner said. "Why not use our brains for something more productive and enjoyable?" That said, automating your finances can help you as an individual within couplehood. Not all couples have the same financial habits or <a href="https://www.askzeta.com/magazine/money-personality-quiz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">money personalities</a>. Each one can benefit without necessarily having to automate money into the same bucket. Every relationship is different and couples <a href="https://www.askzeta.com/magazine/articles/5-ways-couples-win-love-money" target="_blank" rel="noopener">juggle their money</a> and pay shared and individual expenses in their own way.Bittner and Corson-Knowles have their <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/average-mortgage-payment" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mortgage</a> set up on autopay, which comes out of their joint account, which they fund with their paycheck via direct deposit. For example, Bittner likes to auto-invest weekly into her public market investments, including retirement, and put the rest into early-stage startups."I put money in every Monday, I don't even think about it," Bittner said. Corson-Knowles, on the other hand, is a saver. He likes to save as much as possible from his paycheck and sock it away into his high-interest savings account. <h2>Putting bills and savings on autopilot means there's more time to discuss big financial decisions</h2>Even the most devoted couple has to work hard to keep the peace and keep love alive. Miscommunications about money can add to the strain. "Automation reduces the amount of time and energy we spend on financial decisions," said Jeff Kreisler, the co-author of "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dollars-Sense-Misthink-Money-Smarter/dp/006265120X" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dollars and Sense: How We Misthink Money and How to Spend Smarter</a>.""We need to talk to our partners about big financial decisions, not hide from them," he said, "but if half of our prodding is about something that causes us stress, then that can erode the overall positive tone to our communications, which are the underpinning of a successful relationship."Try regular <a href="https://www.askzeta.com/magazine/articles/why-every-couple-needs-money-date" target="_blank" rel="noopener">money dates</a>, a set monthly meet-up in a relaxed atmosphere where the two of you can go over your shared expenses, bills, debts, and figure out what's working and what can be made simpler or be adjusted.It's hard enough for couples to master their money when they come into a relationship with limited knowledge about how to handle their personal finances. The right tools, both technological and emotional, can ensure success.Aditi Shekar is the founder and CEO of Zeta, and a member of BI's Money Council.

A millennial couple explains how they use automatic savings and bill pay to avoid money stress in their relationship

<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table"><div><div class="image"></div></div></div>If you want to do get to the top of your class or climb the ladder at work, you give yourself a gigantic advantage over everybody else if you can recall more information at a faster speed. 
Developmental psychologists and cognitive scientists have found range of factors that help do just that - and some of them are pretty weird. 
Here are a few. 
<h3>Reading physical books will improve your memory of what you read, since memory is also tactile. </h3>
We usually think of reading as a totally visual exercise; after all, it's just your eyes scanning the page, right? 
Not quite. <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/3009366/leadership-now/you-wont-remember-this-article-or-anything-else-you-read-online-unless-you-pr" target="_blank">Turns out that we remember things better</a> when we read them in a more physical form, like say, for instance, a book. It's because the experience of reading is also tactile. When you're reading a book, you're also holding it, feeling the heft of it in your hands. As you read through the text, the pages move from your right hand to your left, redistributing the weight of the book. Research suggests that your brain uses this movement of weight as an anchor of memory. 
<h3>A happy marriage lets you "distribute" your memory tasks between you and your partner. </h3>
In news that will delight monogamists everywhere, <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/being-married-makes-you-smarter-2014-8">research shows that people in long-term relationships have several memory benefits stemming from their couplehood</a> - like recalling people's names or what happened at events. 
When two people are in an intimate, long-term relationship, they distribute the responsibilities of thinking in the same way that they split up household chores.
One psych writer observed that a couple isn't just two individuals spending lots of time together, but a "socially distributed cognitive system." Put in plain English, two heads really are better than one. 
<h3>A little "expressive writing" will free up your mental resources, thus improving your ability to recall. </h3>
For 30 years, psychologists have been studying "<a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/the-positive-effects-of-journaling-and-expressive-writing-2014-5">expressive writing</a>" - writing about difficult experiences for at least 15 minutes. Experiments show the introspective exercise is much more than just navel gazing. People who regularly write expressively have lower blood pressure, higher productivity, and a greater sense of personal well-being.
North Carolina State University psychologist Kitty Klein <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2001-18060-012" target="_blank">has shown that expressive writing increases memory, too</a>. Her explanation: Expressive writing lets people disclose thoughts they otherwise spend mental energy trying to avoid, allowing more energy to be allocated toward memory. 
<h3>A walk through the woods will put you at ease - and improve your memory.</h3>
University of Michigan psychologists <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/surprising-ways-nature-improves-your-memory-and-productivity-2014-8">asked two groups of experiment participants</a> to go for walks. One group walked around an urban environment, and the others wandered around a forest. Then they were given a recall test. The folks who sauntered among the trees performed 20% better on the memory test. 
<h3>Connecting what you just learned with what you already know will strengthen your memory. </h3>
Washington University cognitive scientists Henry L. Roediger III and Mark A. McDaniel co-authored "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Make-It-Stick-Successful-Learning/dp/0674729013" target="_blank">Make It Stick</a>," a masterful book on the way we learn. The book's got tons of great takeaways, but the most immediate are approaches for training memory. One of those techniques is elaboration - the process of connecting novel information to what you already know. 
"The more you can explain about the way your new learning relates to prior knowledge," <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/learning-hacks-that-will-maximize-your-memory-2014-6">the authors write</a>, "the stronger your grasp of the new learning will be, and the more connections you create that will help you remember it later." 
Say, for example, you're learning about heat transference. Instead of memorizing the definition - heat moves from a hot object to a cooler object - you could use an example the way that the heat from a hot cup of cocoa warms up your hand on a chilly winter's day.

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