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Here's everything we know about Monty Bennett, the Trump megadonor whose hotel conglomerate got the most in coronavirus bailout loans

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Top Senate Democrat Chuck Schumer is demanding an investigation into how companies owned by Dallas hotel magnate and Trump megadonor <keyword id="9131317" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="monty-bennett">Monty Bennett</keyword> won the most money from the <keyword id="9074781" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="paycheck-protection-program">Paycheck Protection Program</keyword>.</li><li>Business Insider reported last week that Bennett paid $50,000 to a pair of Trump fundraisers to lobby the Trump Administration for relief. </li><li>A Bennett spokesman said the companies are still deciding whether they will return the money, originally meant to help small businesses survive the <keyword id="8763838" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="covid-19">COVID-19</keyword> pandemic.</li><li><a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/?hprecirc-bullet">Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories</a>.</li></ul>Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Friday demanded that the Small Business Administration launch an investigation into how one of President Donald Trump's top donors became the largest recipient of funds from the Paycheck Protection Program.Dallas billionaire Monty Bennett, whose companies <keyword id="4202437" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="ashford-inc">Ashford Inc</keyword>. and <keyword id="4202436" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="ashford-hospitality">Ashford Hospitality</keyword> Real Estate Investment Trust, controls a chain of 128 hotels that together collected $58 million in <keyword id="6361580" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="ppp">PPP</keyword> loans and have applied for as much as $126 million."As you may be aware, last year Ashford and its subsidiaries had a combined revenue of over $2 billion through a portfolio that includes 130 hotels, primarily operated under premium brands like Intercontinental, Marriott, Hilton and Hyatt," Schumer wrote in the letter sent Friday. "As a result, I was alarmed to read public reports that Ashford and its subsidiaries applied for and received as much as $126 million in PPP loans funded by the CARES Act, making it collectively the single largest participant in the Program."<a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-donor-paid-trump-fundraisers-to-lobby-for-trump-bailout-2020-4">Business Insider broke the news last week</a> that Bennett's companies had paid $50,000 to a pair of Trump's fundraisers to lobby the administration for relief from the PPP, originally slated to help small businesses. Bennett donated $50,000 to the Trump campaign's main fundraising committee, Trump Victory. The PPP became a flashpoint in the public debate over federal bailouts for businesses, as large chains and profitable ventures like Shake Shack and the Los Angeles Lakers drained the fund before small businesses could get relief.Shake Shack, the Lakers, and others have announced they were returning the money. A spokesman for Bennett told Business Insider Thursday that his companies were still reviewing whether they would return the money or not. The spokesman did not immediately respond to a request for comment on Schumer's call for an investigation.A spokeswoman for the SBA said that their agency does not comment on requests sent from federal lawmakers.Read the original article on <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/schumer-seeks-investigation-of-trump-donor-bennett-after-ppp-payout-2020-5">Business Insider</a>

Chuck Schumer wants an investigation into how Trump donor Monty Bennett became the largest recipient of PPP funds

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Three lodging companies chaired by <keyword id="18966" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="Hotel">hotel</keyword> executive Monty Bennett have received $59 million in <a href="https://www.sba.gov/funding-programs/loans/coronavirus-relief-options/paycheck-protection-program">Paycheck Protection Program</a> (<keyword id="6361580" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="ppp">PPP</keyword>) <keyword id="1754604" type="PERSON" weightage="60" keywordseo="coronavirus">coronavirus</keyword> relief funds intended for small businesses, the Wall Street Journal <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/dallas-hotel-owner-is-biggest-beneficiary-of-coronavirus-loan-program-11587568827">reported</a>, effectively <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-23/luxury-hotel-executive-biggest-winner-of-small-business-relief">making Bennett the biggest winner</a> in the small-business bailout.</li><li>On April 16, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ppp-funds-just-ran-out-heres-what-entrepreneurs-should-do-2020-4">the PPP's $349 billion fund dried up</a> with thousands of loan requests still pending.</li><li>A provision in the <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/chaotic-launch-cares-ppp-federal-loan-program-for-small-businesses-2020-4">PPP</a> allows hospitality and restaurant companies with multiple locations to apply for loans as long as each location has 500 employees or less. </li><li>While the <keyword id="6354692" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="Travel">travel</keyword> and hospitality industries have been <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/half-of-travel-supported-us-jobs-eliminated-by-april-coronavirus-2020-4">most impacted</a> by the coronavirus pandemic, larger companies have received backlash for accepting millions of dollars in loans before smaller, independent businesses could receive relief.</li><li>The House is expected to vote on a bill today that will provide an additional $320 billion for the PPP.</li><li><a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/?hprecirc-bullet">Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories</a>.</li></ul>A real-estate investment firm that invests in luxury hotel properties — <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-23/luxury-hotel-executive-biggest-winner-of-small-business-relief">including the Ritz-Carlton in St. Thomas</a> — is one of three companies chaired by Dallas hotel executive Monty Bennett that received a collective $59 million in federal aid intended for small businesses, the Wall Street Journal <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/dallas-hotel-owner-is-biggest-beneficiary-of-coronavirus-loan-program-11587568827">reported</a>.The companies — <a href="https://www.ashfordinc.com/">Ashford Inc</a>., a Dallas-based asset management firm, and the two real estate investment trusts it manages, <a href="https://www.bhrreit.com/">Braemar Hotels &amp; Resorts</a> and <a href="https://www.ahtreit.com/">Ashford Hospitality Trust </a>— represent over <a href="https://www.ashfordinc.com/advised-reits.htm">130 hotel properties</a>. In its review of public filings this week, the Wall Street Journal <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/dallas-hotel-owner-is-biggest-beneficiary-of-coronavirus-loan-program-11587568827">found</a> that Ashford Inc. has received $12.8 million in loans; Braemar has been granted $15.8 million; and Ashford Hospitality Trust has received $30 million for its subsidiaries. While other large corporations have received millions, this trio of companies has collectively benefited the most — the $30 million granted to Ashford Hospitality Trust's subsidiaries was about eight times the average amount other public companies received, <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/dallas-hotel-owner-is-biggest-beneficiary-of-coronavirus-loan-program-11587568827">the Journal's analysis shows</a>.Due to a <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-stimulus-loan-restaurant-loophole-explained-2020-4">provision</a> in the $349 billion Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) — part of the $2 trillion federal <a href="https://home.treasury.gov/policy-issues/cares">CARES Act</a> — hospitality and restaurant companies with multiple locations are able to apply for loans <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-23/luxury-hotel-executive-biggest-winner-of-small-business-relief">as long as each location has 500 employees or less</a>.Last month, as the small-business bailout package was being negotiated, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-donor-paid-trump-fundraisers-to-lobby-for-trump-bailout-2020-4">Bennett's companies hired two Trump-connected lobbyists</a>, and Bennett made a $50,000 donation to Trump's joint fundraising committee, Business Insider's Tom LoBianco previously reported. (Representatives for Bennett did not return LoBianco's multiple requests for comment.)<h2>Companies have been facing backlash for keeping coronavirus relief funds meant for struggling small businesses</h2>Despite rightfully qualifying for aid within these parameters, large corporations such as Ruth's Chris Steakhouse have experienced <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/petition-demands-ruths-chris-return-coronavirus-stimulus-loan-2020-4">backlash</a> for holding onto the funds while <a href="https://apnews.com/dded8ead64598a3893f4046bbe857d2e">thousands of small businesses</a> that applied for loans did not receive funding. Bennett's companies <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-donor-paid-trump-fundraisers-to-lobby-for-trump-bailout-2020-4">secured more than Shake Shack (which returned its $10 million coronavirus stimulus loan) and Ruth's Chris Steak House combined</a>.The PPP <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/ppp-funds-just-ran-out-heres-what-entrepreneurs-should-do-2020-4">ran out of funds</a> on April 16, less than two weeks after launch. On Tuesday, the Senate passed a bill approving an <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2020/04/21/congress-coronavirus-small-business/">additional $320 billion</a> for the PPP. The House is expected to vote on the bill today. In a White House briefing on Tuesday, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin warned these companies of "severe consequences" if they take advantage of the program going forward, Business Insider's Graham Rapier <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/treasury-mnuchin-consequences-big-companies-taking-ppp-small-business-loans-2020-4">reported</a>."We want to make sure this money is available to small businesses that need it, people who have invested their entire <keyword id="6360041" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="100" keywordseo="life">life</keyword> savings," Mnuchin said.Read the original article on <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/three-affiliated-hotel-companies-received-59-million-in-ppp-loans-2020-4">Business Insider</a>

A luxury hotel company that owns multiple Ritz-Carltons received millions in small-business aid thanks to a loophole in the coronavirus bailout program

<ul class="summary-list"><li>The largest recipient of COVID-19 bailout loans, Trump campaign donor <keyword id="9131317" type="UNKNOWN" weightage="60" keywordseo="monty-bennett">Monty Bennett</keyword>, announced Saturday he would return all money received through the Paycheck Protection Program.</li><li>Business Insider <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-donor-paid-trump-fundraisers-to-lobby-for-trump-bailout-2020-4">recently reported</a> that Bennett won the money after contributing significantly to Trump's re-election, and spent $50,000 to hire two of Trump's fundraisers to lobby the administration for bailout money.</li><li>This is a developing story.</li><li><a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/?hprecirc-bullet">Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories</a>.</li></ul>The hotel conglomerate run by a major campaign donor to President Donald Trump, Monty Bennett, announced Saturday it would return all the money it received through the Paycheck Protection Program."The Ashford Group of Companies announced today that all of its companies, including Ashford Inc. (NYSE American: AINC), Ashford Hospitality Trust, Inc. (NYSE: <a href="http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/prnews?Page=Quote&amp;Ticker=AHT=AHT">AHT</a>) ("Ashford Trust"), and Braemar Hotels &amp; Resorts Inc. (NYSE: BHR) ("Braemar"), will return all funds provided by the Small Business Administration's ("SBA") Paycheck Protection Program ("<keyword id="6361580" type="ORGANIZATION" weightage="60" keywordseo="ppp">PPP</keyword>") due to the agency's recently changed rules and inconsistent federal guidance that put the companies at compliance risk," Bennett's companies said in a statement emailed to investors.Bennett's decision followed two hours after Democratic nominee <a href="https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/1256698438831476737">Joe Biden blasted Bennett, tweeting</a>, "Monty Bennett should return the tens of millions of dollars he received, and we should give it to the small businesses that need it."Bennett runs a conglomerate of 128 hotels, which received, collectively, more than $58 million through the PPP. <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-donor-paid-trump-fundraisers-to-lobby-for-trump-bailout-2020-4">Business Insider broke the news on April 23</a> that he won the money after contributing significantly to Trump's re-election and spent $50,000 to hire two of the president's fundraisers to lobby the administration for bailout money.This is a developing story. Check back for updates.Read the original article on <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/monty-bennett-trump-donor-will-return-ppp-money-2020-5">Business Insider</a>

Monty Bennett, Trump donor and largest recipient of PPP funds, will return money

Erin Brodwin / Business InsiderIt started with a math test.I was in the eighth grade, sitting at my assigned seat with a pencil and a green sheet of paper in front of me - it was the class final.Suddenly, my mind went blank. The words and numbers on the page blurred together and became meaningless. I froze with fear. My heart raced. What was happening to me?With all the effort I could muster, I raised a shaky hand to ask for the bathroom pass. As soon as I got there, I started crying uncontrollably. Between the sobs, I vomited into the toilet.Although I didn't know it then, what happened that day would be the beginning of a painful and confusing series of severe bouts - "episodes," in psychiatric parlance - of anxiety and depression that would land me in a handful of hospitals and treatment centers.Eventually, I'd be prescribed antidepressants, the drugs that I'm now convinced saved my life. But the road to medication was rocky. If it weren't for a handful of truly caring doctors - and, of course, the health insurance that made the drugs affordable - I probably would never have found them.This is one of the reasons I find articles that belittle the condition, like a recent New York Times story, irksome. The article, published in the Times' style section with the title <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/10/style/anxiety-is-the-new-depression-xanax.html">"Prozac Nation is Now the United States of Xanax,"</a> describes anxiety as "a shared cultural experience" that is the result of external factors ranging from a recent election to increased social media use. While feelings of stress and tension may be more prevalent today, these feelings are not tantamount to mental illness.In reality, <a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among-adults.shtml">some 18% of the US adult population</a> may suffer from real anxiety disorders, and studies suggest many of them have a <a href="https://www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI-Media/Infographics/GeneralMHFacts.pdf">difficult time getting the support they need</a>. I certainly did. Articles like these could make that even harder. <h2>Panic</h2>When my anxiety first started cropping up, my parents wanted me to go a "natural" route - in other words, they wanted me to stick to talk therapy with counselors and avoid medication.Courtesy of Trisha AshfordAt the time, their choice made sense. As many as <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/a-glut-of-antidepressants/">one in 10 Americans was taking an antidepressant</a>, but studies suggested as many as <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23548817">two-thirds of them were wrongly diagnosed</a>.But despite weekly sessions of therapy, my panic attacks got so bad that I couldn't sleep or go to school. I had nightmares. I thought of every worst-case scenario that might happen and lived as if they were imminent. I started obsessing about everything, from the tests I might fail, to the friends who might abandon me, to the food that might make me fat. I contemplated suicide. My weight dropped to 90 pounds.Concerned, my parents took me to dozens of doctors, who tested me for everything. When no results turned up, my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. After two or three 45-minute sessions, I was diagnosed as anorexic "with panic" and given a prescription for Klonopin.Klonopin is <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/clonazepam-oral-route/description/drg-20072102">not an antidepressant</a> - it's a benzodiazepine like Xanax, the drug the Times article says has replaced antidepressants like Prozac or Lexapro as America's trendy drug of choice.But Klonopin didn't alleviate my symptoms; instead, I felt like it made me numb. Because many people who suffer from anxiety - which the NIMH says is <a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among-adults.shtml">more frequent in women</a> - also suffer from co-occurring mental illnesses like depression, the medication that works best may not actually be an anti-anxiety drug.Courtesy of Trisha AshfordMe (middle) as a high school senior.<h2>Starting over</h2>One day, I refused to go to my therapy appointment. I cried and told my mom that I was broken and there was nothing that could be done. So we started over. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist and began seeing other doctors. An endocrinologist put me on my first antidepressant - a <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/escitalopram-oral-route/description/drg-20063707">drug called Lexapro</a>. Lexapro belongs to a group of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, which are thought to work by amplifying the activity of the chemical serotonin in the brain.The way we'd know if the medication was working, my doctor told me, was if I didn't notice any big changes in my feelings or behavior. At some point (I can't say exactly when), I started to feel like the world seemed a little less dark. It was as if I'd been seeing everything in front of me with a dark-tinged, heavily vignetted filter, and someone had gently peeled it off. I didn't want to die, and I didn't feel numb. When my doctor asked how I was doing, all I could tell her was, "I feel ok." She smiled.Studies suggest this can happen for many people with depression and anxiety <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21527126">who are prescribed the right medication</a>.Erin Brodwin / Business InsiderSlowly but surely, I started to get better. The panic attacks stopped, and I gained back some weight. I made friends. I started eating real food. I excelled in school. I went to college. I developed a support network of people I could trust and talk to. I moved across the country. I went to graduate school. I started a career.I did absolutely none of it on my own.<h2>Life goes on</h2>I kept working with a therapist who was trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of psychotherapy that involves recognizing negative thought patterns and coming up with solutions to overcome them. I saw a psychiatrist who managed my medication, went to yoga classes several times each week, and stayed close to the friends and family that had helped me through the bad times.Research suggests that each of these parts of my recovery can help alleviate the symptoms of depression. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495">Exercise has been linked</a> with a reduction in many depressive symptoms. So have <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">antidepressants</a>, <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">therapy</a>, and <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4136523/">steady social support</a>.Antidepressants were a tool that helped me find normal. They lifted a heavy blanket of anxiety and depression that had previously made everything seem like an impossible chore.Had my condition been merely a "sociological condition ... that feeds on alarmist CNN graphics and metastasizes through social media," as the Times article suggests, I doubt medication - whether it had been Prozac or Xanax - would have had such an impact. This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Business Insider. <h3>NOW WATCH: <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/how-get-rid-negative-thoughts-psychologist-depression-2016-11">A psychologist reveals how to get rid of negative thoughts</a></h3> Please enable Javascript to watch this video

What it's really like to have anxiety, the condition The New York Times calls 'a shared cultural experience'

Skye Gould/Business InsiderIt started with a math test.I was in the eighth grade, sitting at my assigned seat with a pencil and a green sheet of paper in front of me - it was the class final.Suddenly, my mind went blank. The words and numbers on the page all blurred together and became meaningless. I froze with fear. My heart raced. What was happening to me?With all the effort I could muster, I raised a shaky hand to ask for the bathroom pass. As soon as I got there, I started crying uncontrollably. Somewhere between the sobs, I managed to vomit into the toilet.Although I didn't know it then, what happened that day would be the beginning of a painful and confusing series of severe bouts - "episodes," in psychiatric parlance - of anxiety and depression that would land me in a handful of hospitals and treatment centers.Eventually, I'd be prescribed antidepressants, the drugs that I'm now convinced saved my life. But the road to medication was rocky. If it weren't for a series of somewhat random events, a handful of truly caring doctors - and, of course, the health insurance that made the drugs affordable - I probably would never have found them.The odds of me finding these medications were largely against me, as they are for many people who may need them. There's a wide public perception - which I've encountered directly and which Peter D. Kramer, a psychiatrist and Brown University professor, details in his new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ordinarily-Well-Antidepressants-Peter-Kramer/dp/0374280673">"Ordinarily Well: The Case for Antidepressants"</a> - that antidepressants are inherently bad. They're seen either as an easy way out of the "hard work" of dealing with feelings, or as something that can get you high. Some even think they can be manipulated to make you smarter or give you superpowers. This certainly isn't what happened to me. (If it did, I'd be flying around South America in a cape instead of writing this post.)On the other hand, some people claim that antidepressants work no better than placebos, or sugar pills. And several studies - including <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&amp;id=1999-11094-001">one that Kramer directly addresses, which was first published in 1998</a> and then <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18303940">redone with more information in 2008</a> - seem to back this up. But, as Kramer shows, other studies continue to find the opposite result, that <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21527126">antidepressants work and that they can be life-changing</a>, especially for people whose depression is severe or long-lasting.For me, what antidepressants did was remarkably simple: They made me feel OK. In the words of Kramer, they made me feel "ordinarily well."<h2>Panic</h2>When my anxiety first started cropping up, my parents wanted me to go a "natural" route - in other words, they wanted me to stick to talk therapy with counselors. They wanted me to avoid medication.Courtesy of Trisha AshfordMe (right corner) in high school.At the time, their choice made sense. Everything from antidepressants to ADHD medications were being prescribed at alarming rates. In 2013, <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/a-glut-of-antidepressants/">one in 10 Americans took an antidepressant</a>. And many of them likely didn't need it.<a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23548817"> A study published that year in the journal Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics</a> found that roughly two-thirds of a sample of about 5,000 people with a depression diagnosis in the previous year didn't meet the criteria for a major depressive episode, as defined in the psychiatry handbook known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM.It seemed as though the vast majority of doctors were merely writing a prescription and raking in money rather than sitting with patients and taking time to talk out their issues using evidence-based methods like <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/home/ovc-20186868">cognitive behavioral therapy</a>.But eventually, despite weekly sessions of therapy, my panic attacks got so bad that I couldn't sleep or go to school. I had nightmares. I thought of every single worst-case scenario that could happen and I lived as if they were imminent. I started obsessing about everything, from the tests I might fail, to the friends who might abandon me, to the food that might make me fat. I contemplated suicide. My weight dropped to 90 pounds.Concerned, my parents took me to dozens of doctors, who tested me for everything. When no results turned up, my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. The drive was four hours round trip, but somehow one of my working parents managed to squeeze it into their schedule every few weeks.After two or three 45-minute sessions with the psychiatrist, I was diagnosed as anorexic "with panic" and given a prescription for a tiny orange tablet called Klonopin.<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/clonazepam-oral-route/description/drg-20072102">Klonopin is not an antidepressant</a>. It's a tranquilizer. It's typically used to treat seizures, but it's prescribed for panic disorder as well. I was supposed to take it whenever I felt panicky, which sounded like a bit of a slippery slope to me. Didn't I always feel a little bit panicky? How would I know when I really needed it and when I was just trying to avoid my feelings? So I reserved it only for when I was in the throes of a full-blown attack.It "worked," if you'd call feeling like your mind has been wiped blank working. Klonopin made me numb.Courtesy of Trisha AshfordMe (middle) as a high school senior.<h2>Starting over</h2>One day, I refused to go to my appointment. I cried and told my mom that there was no point in trying anymore, that I was broken and there was nothing that could be done for me. For some reason, she didn't believe me.So we started over. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist who gave me Klonopin and began seeing other doctors. I saw an endocrinologist, who specialized in hormones, along with several different therapists.After weeks of consultation with all of them, the endocrinologist decided to put me on my first antidepressant - a <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/escitalopram-oral-route/description/drg-20063707">drug called Lexapro</a>. Lexapro belongs to a group of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, which are thought to work by amplifying the activity of the chemical serotonin in the brain.The way we'd know whether the medication was working, my doctor told me, was if I didn't really notice any big changes in my feelings or my behavior.That sounded strange to me. Didn't I need a big change? After all, I'd wanted to die. Still, I was ready to try just about anything, and I trusted her. So, I took the medication as directed, and continued to see her and my therapist.At some point (I can't say exactly when), I started to feel like the world seemed a little less dark. It was as if I'd been seeing everything in front of me with a dark-tinged, heavily vignetted filter for years, and someone had gently peeled it off. I didn't feel like I wanted to die, and I didn't feel numb. Everything was sort of OK, and when my doctor asked how I was doing, that's all I could tell her. "I feel OK," I said. She smiled.Studies suggest that this can happen for many people with depression and anxiety who are prescribed the right medication and corresponding treatment, as Kramer details. In one chapter, Kramer writes about one of his first patients, a woman named Adele, whom he saw while he was still a medical student at Harvard.She was a 26-year-old elementary school teacher who suffered from depression and who'd considered suicide. After Adele had been treated for an overactive thyroid, Kramer's supervising doctor placed her on the <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/imipramine-oral-route/description/drg-20072148">antidepressant drug imipramine</a>. "Imipramine acted in a fashion I later came to call courteous," Kramer wrote. "It afforded modest but invaluable relief."That modest but invaluable relief was exactly what I'd experienced on Lexapro.After the panic attacks had stopped and I gained back some weight, my therapist started suggesting I get back into some types of gentle exercise, like yoga. Slowly but surely, I started to get better.Business Insider/Erin BrodwinI made friends. I started eating real food. I excelled in school. I moved to a different city. I went to college. I developed a support network of people I could trust and talk to about anything. I moved across the country. I went to graduate school. I started a career.I did absolutely none of it on my own.I kept working with a therapist who was trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of psychotherapy that involves recognizing negative thought patterns and coming up with solutions to overcome them. I saw a psychiatrist who managed my medication, went to group yoga classes at least a few times a week, and stayed close to the friends and family that had helped me through the bad times.Research suggests that each of these parts of my recovery can help alleviate the symptoms of depression. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495">Exercise has been linked</a> with a reduction in many depressive symptoms. So have <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">antidepressants</a>, <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">therapy</a>, and <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4136523/">steady social support</a>.At some point though, despite all of it, I hit a bit of a lull. Some of my problematic behaviors started to creep back in. My psychiatrist recommended trying a new medication. I was hesitant, but again, I trusted her. She wrote me a prescription for Prozac, and I stopped the Lexapro.The transition was a little rocky, but eventually I felt OK again. I continued doing yoga several times a week, connecting with my friends and family, and going to therapy.For me, antidepressants were a tool. They enabled me to start feeling OK, to start reaching out to others for help, and to start doing things that I enjoyed doing and that made me feel good. They lifted a heavy blanket of depression that had previously made all of these things sound like impossible chores.I don't think they're a panacea, and they're certainly not for everyone. But they worked for me. They helped me find normal. And without them, I don't think I'd ever know what that feels like. <h3>NOW WATCH: <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/5-survival-myths-that-could-get-you-killed-wild-2017-3">5 survival myths that could get you killed</a></h3> Please enable Javascript to watch this video

I've been on medication for depression for a decade - here's what most people get wrong about it

<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image">Skye Gould/Business Insider</div></div></div>It started with a math test.I was in the eighth grade, sitting at my assigned seat with a pencil and a green sheet of paper in front of me - it was the class final. Suddenly, my mind went blank. The words and numbers on the page all blurred together and became meaningless. I froze with fear. My heart raced. What was happening to me? With all the effort I could muster, I raised a shaky hand to ask for the bathroom pass. As soon as I got there, I started crying uncontrollably. Somewhere between the sobs, I managed to vomit into the toilet. Although I didn't know it then, what happened that day would be the beginning of a painful and confusing series of severe bouts - "episodes," in psychiatric parlance - of anxiety and depression that would land me in a handful of hospitals and treatment centers. Eventually, I'd get prescribed antidepressants, the drugs that I'm now convinced saved my life. But the road to medication was rocky. If it weren't for a series of somewhat random events, a handful of truly caring doctors - and, of course, the health insurance that made the drugs affordable - I probably would never have found them.The odds of me finding these medications were largely against me, as they are for many people who may need them. There's a wide public perception, which I've encountered directly and which Peter D. Kramer, a psychiatrist and Brown University professor, details in his new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ordinarily-Well-Antidepressants-Peter-Kramer/dp/0374280673">"Ordinarily Well: The Case for Antidepressants,"</a> that antidepressants are inherently bad. They're seen either as an easy way out of the "hard work" of dealing with feelings, or as something that can get you high. Some even think they can be manipulated to make you smarter or give you superpowers. This certainly isn't what happened to me. (If it did, I'd be flying around South America in a cape instead of writing this post.) On the other hand, some people claim that antidepressants work no better than placebos, or sugar pills. And, several studies - including <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&amp;id=1999-11094-001">one that Kramer directly addresses, which was first published in 1998</a> and then <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18303940">re-done with more information in 2008</a> - seem to back this up. But as Kramer shows, other studies continue to find the opposite result, that <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21527126">antidepressants work and that they can be life-changing</a>, especially for people whose depression is severe or long-lasting.For me, what antidepressants did was remarkably simple: They made me feel OK. In the words of Kramer, they made me feel "ordinarily well."<h2>Panic</h2>When my anxiety first started cropping up, my parents wanted me to go a "natural" route - in order words, they wanted me to stick to talk therapy with counselors. They wanted me to avoid medication.<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image">Courtesy of Trisha AshfordMe (right corner) in high school.</div></div></div>At the time, their choice made sense. Everything from antidepressants to ADHD medications were being prescribed at alarming rates. In 2013, <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/a-glut-of-antidepressants/">o</a><a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/a-glut-of-antidepressants/">ne in 10 Americans took an antidepressant</a>. And many of them likely didn't need it. A <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23548817">study </a><a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23548817">published that year in the journal Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics</a> found that roughly two-thirds of a sample of about 5,000 people diagnosed as depressed in the previous year didn't meet the criteria for a major depressive episode, as defined in the psychiatry handbook known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). It seemed as though the vast majority of doctors were merely writing a prescription and raking in money, rather than sitting with patients and taking time to talk out their issues using evidence-based methods like <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/home/ovc-20186868">cognitive behavioral therapy</a>.But eventually, despite weekly sessions of therapy, my panic attacks got so bad that I couldn't sleep or go to school. I had nightmares. I thought of every single worst-case scenario that could happen and I lived as if it were imminent. I started obsessing about everything, from the tests I might fail, to the friends who might abandon me, to the food that might make me fat. I contemplated suicide. My weight dropped to 90 pounds. Concerned, my parents took me to dozens of doctors, who tested me for everything. When no results turned up, my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. The drive was four hours round-trip, but somehow one of my working parents managed to squeeze it into their schedule every few weeks. After two or three 45-minute sessions with the psychiatrist, I was diagnosed as anorexic "with panic" and given a prescription for a tiny orange tablet called Klonopin. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/clonazepam-oral-route/description/drg-20072102">Klonopin is not an antidepressant</a>. It's a tranquilizer. It's typically used to treat seizures, but it's prescribed for panic disorder as well. I was supposed to take it whenever I felt panicky, which sounded like a bit of a slippery slope to me. Didn't I always feel a little bit panicky? How would I know when I really needed it and when I was just trying to avoid my feelings? So I reserved it only for when I was in the throes of a full-blown attack. It "worked," if you'd call feeling like your mind has been wiped blank working. Klonopin made me numb. <div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image">Courtesy of Trisha AshfordMe (middle) as a high school senior.</div></div></div><h2>Starting over</h2>One day, I refused to go to my appointment. I cried and told my Mom that there was no point in trying anymore, that I was broken and there was nothing that could be done for me. For some reason, she didn't believe me. So we started over. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist who gave me Klonopin and began seeing other doctors. I saw an endocrinologist, who specialized in hormones, along with several different therapists. After weeks of consultation with all of them, the endocrinologist decided to put me on my first antidepressant - a <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/escitalopram-oral-route/description/drg-20063707">drug called Lexapro</a>. Lexapro belongs to a group of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, which are thought to work by amplifying the activity of the chemical serotonin in the brain. The way we'd know whether or not the medication was working, my doctor told me, was if I didn't really notice any big changes in my feelings or my behavior.That sounded strange to me. Didn't I need a big change? After all, I'd wanted to die. Still, I was ready to try just about anything, and I trusted her. So, I took the medication as directed, and continued to see her and my therapist. At some point (I can't say exactly when), I started to feel like the world seemed a little less dark. It was as if I'd been seeing everything in front of me with a dark-tinged, heavily-vignetted filter for years, and someone had gently peeled it off. I didn't feel like I wanted to die, and I didn't feel numb. Everything was sort of OK, and when my doctor asked how I was doing, that's all I could tell her. "I feel OK," I said. She smiled. Studies suggest that this can happen for many people with depression and anxiety who are prescribed the right medication and corresponding treatment, as Kramer details. In one chapter, Kramer writes about one of his first patients, a woman named Adele, who he saw while he was still a medical student at Harvard. She was a 26-year-old elementary school teacher who suffered from depression and who'd considered suicide. After Adele had been treated for an overactive thyroid, Kramer's supervising doctor placed her on the <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/imipramine-oral-route/description/drg-20072148">antidepressant drug Imipramine</a>. "Imipramine acted in a fashion I later came to call courteous," writes Kramer. "It afforded modest but invaluable relief."That modest, but invaluable, relief was exactly what I'd experienced on Lexapro.After the panic attacks had stopped and I gained back some weight, my therapist started suggesting I get back into some types of gentle exercise, like yoga. Slowly but surely, I started to get better.<div class="KonaFilter image-container display-table float_right"><div><div class="image on-image">Business Insider/Erin Brodwin</div></div></div>I made friends. I started eating real food. I excelled in school. I moved to a different city. I went to college. I developed a support network of people I could trust and talk to about anything. I moved across the country. I went to graduate school. I started a career.I did absolutely none of it on my own.I kept working with a therapist who was trained in <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/home/ovc-20186868">cognitive behavioral therapy</a>, a type of psychotherapy that involves recognizing negative thought patterns and coming up with solutions to overcome them. I saw a psychiatrist who managed my medication, went to group yoga classes at least a few times a week, and stayed close to the friends and family that had helped me through the bad times.Research suggests that each of these parts of my recovery can help alleviating the symptoms of depression. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495">Exercise has been linked</a> with a reduction in many depressive symptoms. So have <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">antidepressants</a>, <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/r-mindfulness-therapy-as-good-as-medication-for-chronic-depression---study-2015-4">therapy</a>, and <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4136523/">steady social support</a>.At some point though, despite all of it, I hit a bit of a lull. Some of my problematic behaviors started to creep back in. My psychiatrist recommended trying a new medication. I was hesitant, but again, I trusted her. She wrote me a prescription for Prozac, and I stopped the Lexapro. The transition was a little rocky, but eventually I felt OK again. I continued doing yoga several times a week, connecting with my friends and family, and going to therapy.For me, antidepressants were a tool. They enabled me to start feeling OK, to start reaching out to others for help, and to start doing things that I enjoyed doing and that made me feel good. They lifted a heavy blanket of depression that had previously made all of these things sound like impossible chores. I don't think they're a panacea, and they're certainly not for everyone. But they worked for me. They helped me find normal. And without them, I don't think I'd ever know what that feels like. <div class="margin-top"> <h3>NOW WATCH: <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/exercise-six-pack-abs-workout-2016-6">An exercise scientist reveals how to get six-pack abs</a></h3> <div> <div> <div class="ooyala-video-player" data-video-autoplay="false" data-video-id="VpazNiNDE63KBq5y6Gwk_Op1wXaaHQeK" data-player-variable="ooyalapopvideo" id="ooyalaplayer_popvideo" style="width:1280px;height:720px"></div> </div> </div> </div>

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