Jim Search, New York-based comedian
Twitter helps people form opinions based on celebrities' opinions. At least that's what I'm told.
Follow Jim at @JimSearch.
Seth Fiegerman, Business Reporter for Mashable
Twitter is my remote control for the internet.
Follow Seth at @sfiegerman.
Missy Baker, New York-based comedian
Ryan Sorensen, New York-based comedian
Twitter is for people who want to scream witticisms into the wind, until they have enough followers to make them feel nice.
Follow Ryan at @funnysorensen.
Christoper Mims, Technology Reporter for Quartz
Today's tweets are tomorrow's Gawker posts, which are the day after tomorrow's news.
Follow Chris at @mims.
Ed Zitron, Founder of EZPR
Twitter is an endless exposed brick wall in front of which, deliberately or not, we all tell different variations of "What's the deal with airline food?" until we all die.
Follow Ed at @edzitron.
Scott Nossen, New York-based comedian
Twitter is for following all the people who refused my friend requests on Facebook (read: the cute girl who sat in front of me in sophomore history class...Hi Karen!)
Follow Scott at @ScottNossen.
Rurik Bradbury, Founder of Unison
Twitter is a personal therapy app that helps you feel validated by awarding you with little stars and arrows.
Follow Rurik at @RurikBradbury.
Corbin Craft, Media Specialist for Virtual Virginia
Twitter is for voicing your thoughts and relieving yourself from having to turn them into actions. It is the great capitulation.
Follow Corbin at @CorbinCraft.
Ben Berkon, Producer at Ogilvy
I lik twweter b/c itz the futuur of converzation. #nobama
Follow Ben at @BenBerkon.
Rob Trump, Los Angeles-based writer
Twitter is for increasing class consciousness and agitating the masses into a communist revolution. Just kidding, it's for sex jokes.
Follow Rob at @freecialis.