Thelife- Now that I'm an empty nester, I traveled alone for three weeks in New Zealand.
- Before I left, I was nervous and felt a lot of "mom guilt" for leaving my daughter.
When my daughter turned 9, I started to do the math. If she left our home at 18, her dad and I were then halfway through the summers we were guaranteed with her. Our summers with her were always jam-packed with Chicago events, summer camps, and wherever we decided to take her on vacation.
My daughter just turned 20 and is in college, and I'm a divorced empty nester.
I just returned from my first solo journey as an empty nester. I took a three-week trip to Auckland, New Zealand, for the Women's World Cup.
As a 48-year-old, I explored a new place on my own for the first time. I learned to become comfortable with myself and how to rest properly.
As I planned the trip, the idea of traveling 17 hours to the other side of the planet for soccer felt ridiculous and indulgent
I was reluctant to book the costly trip, but it helped that stadium tickets were affordable. And the hospitality of a friend helped eliminate lodging costs.
I booked the 17-hour trip. I was excited but nervous.
The idea of spending three weeks away from home, away from my daughter, and away from Chicago was starting to feel scary.
I was going to be staying with a friend, the only person I knew in Auckland. I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert, so I knew it would be difficult for me to connect with the other World Cup attendees. I was starting to get anxious about spending that much time alone — for the first time.
In addition to those feelings, I experienced loads of "mom guilt" while planning my trip. The thought that I wouldn't be there for my daughter in case she needed me was overwhelming. Since her dad and I divorced, my daughter has spent her summers between our places. I felt guilty for leaving her one parent down.
Once in Auckland, all the fear and doubts melted away
I started my trip with a to-do list. I thought three weeks on my own would be plenty of time to write and edit an episode of my podcast. I got some of it done, but my to-do list quickly fell by the wayside.
Instead, I leaned into life in Auckland, a beautiful city. I spent most days on my own exploring a city so friendly that it made the Midwest seem rude. I went to museums at my own pace. I walked downtown and stopped when I wanted to. I got back into the rhythm of keeping a diary because I did not want to miss any details on this trip.
Being 17 hours ahead of Chicago time meant that checking my email once a day was enough to keep on top of work and community obligations. There was no constant ping from emails. In Auckland, my task was to explore and decompress from my usually hectic life.
Since I was on a budget, my phone plan had limited data, so my usual habit of streaming Taylor Swift and folk music all day suddenly stopped. I walked around Auckland, listening to all its beautiful sounds: the strange birds, the chirp from the walk signals, and, of course, the sexy accents.
Now that I'm home in my empty nest, I'm proud of myself for taking this trip on my own
I fell in love with Auckland because the city always felt busy but never hectic. Back in my empty nest, I have been working on adopting all that I learned and experienced in Auckland.
I've heard that to recharge, you need to rest. But I'm a type-A person, and rest had always felt lazy to me. In Auckland, I learned what rest could feel like and what it could do for my mental and physical health. I now realize that to be my best self, I need to rest and not fill my schedule with things that don't serve me. I should be hanging out with friends more.
I spent a lot of my life worrying about what my world would look like as an empty nester. I never thought exploring other countries on my own would be part of that life. But I'm so glad it is.
I spent 18 years preparing my daughter to go out and explore the world — and to do that myself is awesome.