No more 'mandatory fun': Workers say they've stopped feeling bad about skipping happy hour, even if it comes at the cost of their careers

• A viral post on X has led to a debate about how declining work invitations can affect your career.
• One person said they have been reprimanded for choosing not to attend work events.

A post on X (formerly Twitter) asking users whether they go out and party with their coworkers has led to a debate about how refusing to socialize with colleagues outside of work can negatively affect your career.

On September 21, an X user who goes by the handle @p_blade_2 asked users, "Y'all go out/party with your coworkers?"

Dana White, a senior program officer at True Colors United, an organization that addresses youth homelessness, quoted the post, and wrote: "Can we talk about what happens to your career if that's company culture and you don't?"

The post received 6.2 million views, and almost 50,000 likes. Across hundreds of comments and quotes, people are sharing their experiences feeling pressured to socialize with coworkers, with many saying they felt it was important to not decline such invitations, even if a worker didn't necessarily want to join in.

One X user suggested that not attending can make others think that you are "not a team player," or that you are "standoffish." Another wrote that they don't ever want to party with coworkers unless they are friends, but that they have been reprimanded for not attending events.

Another user wrote that "you have to go" because these events open up networking opportunities and build rapport.

"When coworkers drink they let their guard down and you build relationships. When you isolate yourself you become excluded in conversations because you're only someone's coworker," they wrote, receiving over 100 likes.

However, in recent years, more people have called out a culture of happy hours and post-work drinking, saying it can exclude people who don't drink for religious or health reasons, and those who can't stick around after hours due to other responsibilities.

In White's thread, many spoke of instances in which they felt as though they'd been denied opportunities because they didn't want to socialize outside of work.

"My coworkers get mad when I don't wanna eat lunch with them on Thursday. Sometimes I just need a minute to myself, or wanna take a phone call. Them trying to force me to be a part of this fake culture they have is the reason why I'm trying to leave now," wrote one user.

Adam Waytz, a faculty member at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, suggested that companies can do more to promote positive morale by giving employees back their free time. "Let people go home, let them spend time with their families, let them head to the bar and check out Tinder, let them play in a band and record an album," he wrote in the Harvard Business Review. "Rather than mandating "fun," give them a day off, and watch their social lives flourish and their loneliness fade away."

Over the years, there have been many posts from people on online forums asking how to politely decline work invitations and questioning whether it will negatively affect their career.

Diane Gottsman, founder of the Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in business etiquette training, told the Medium publication Forge in 2019 that people should "really consider attending" structured work events that have been planned in advance and hosted by their employers, even if they just stay for long enough for their coworkers to remember they were there.

"Really, any kind of formal office event, whether it's a summer picnic or a holiday party, should be considered what I call 'mandatory fun,'" she said.

She added that while it's fine to decline invitations to things that aren't your scene, you should make an effort to say yes to invitations every once in a while — especially if it's the kind of workplace where people regularly socialize after hours.