We decided not to tell our kids about Santa. Here's what our Christmas is like without St. Nick.
- When my daughter was born, my husband and I decided we wouldn't raise our kids to believe in Santa.
- I didn't want Christmas to be all about gifts, and letting her sit in a stranger's lap felt wrong.
On my daughter's first Christmas, my husband and I made a big decision: Our family wasn't going to do the "Santa Claus thing."
It wasn't a hard choice for me: When I was growing up, my mom didn't put much emphasis on St. Nick, so I wasn't particularly attached.Besides, my husband and I had been discussing parenting priorities and how we planned to raise our kids since our daughter's birth — weekly allowance: yes; contact sports: no. Call me a "Grinch," but I thought some of the Santa traditions sent kids the wrong messages.We wanted our daughter to feel secure at home, so it seemed counterintuitive to teach her that a strange man could — and would — sneak in through the chimney once a year. Likewise, I wanted to instill a healthy sense of boundaries, especially with strangers, so encouraging my kid to sit on a stranger's lap at the mall didn't seem quite right either. Plus, I never wanted Christmas to be too gift-focused, so teaching my kids that toys were free, ample, and magically delivered seemed to miss the mark.Now, three years later, we have a growing toddler, a baby girl, and a unique, Santa-free holiday tradition. So far, I'm happy we've stuck with the plan — but bucking a Christmas tradition isn't always easy.Here's what it's like being a Santa-free family:
Talking about St. Nick can be tricky
I'm the first to admit our practice can make the holiday awkward at times. Unlike Jewish or Muslim kids, my girls don't have a community that similarly skips Santa. In fact, my in-laws' home decor heavily features the "head elf" during this time of year and he's a big part of my kids' and their cousins' lives. Father Christmas even visits our toddler's preschool.
Most people assume we partake in Santa traditions, so, when other adults ask my daughter, "What's Santa going to bring you for Christmas?" I must explain why she looks so confused.We're also getting to the stage where my oldest is around other kids who talk about St. Nick. I certainly don't want to tell her to lie, but I'm afraid that if she lets the secret slip, other parents will throw candy canes at me.
I feel like I'm fostering honesty
While being a Santa-less family comes with some awkwardness, it's comforting that I won't have to have the "Santa talk" with my kids in a few years. I hate the idea of being dishonest and I want to teach my girls to trust me and let them know I'll always tell them the truth.
I may not get to see the twinkle in my kids' eyes when they talk about flying reindeer, but I like to think that this is one brick in a foundation of parental trust that will make my life easier throughout my kids' lives.
Going Santa-less has forced us to create other traditions
While I don't particularly miss the man in the red suit, his absence does leave a bit of a hole in our winter schedule: We aren't rushing off to the mall to tell Santa what toys we want and we don't spend hours writing letters to the North Pole.
But this free time has forced us to find other holiday traditions and be intentional about how we spend the season.Of course, removing Santa didn't take away from the religious aspects of the holiday — Christmas Eve service has always been one of my favorite annual traditions and I love reading our Nativity storybook to the girls. But this still leaves a lot of time to fill in the winter months.Here's some of our favorite Santa-free traditions so far:Every year, instead of setting out cookies for Santa, we make gingerbread cookies from scratch. We always create a gingerbread version of our family with an adorable, edible figure to represent each person.Instead of taking pictures with Santa, we have a holiday photo day, where we meet a family friend to take pictures, then get lunch at our favorite diner.Instead of reading "A Visit from St. Nicholas," better known as "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," we drink hot cocoa — and chocolate milk — and watch what I consider an equally timeless classic: "The Muppet Christmas Carol."Rather than making a list of presents we want, we select a charity we want to give to that year.We've also borrowed non-Santa traditions from other countries, such as the Icelandic tradition of Jolabokaflod, where we give each other a new book on Christmas Eve and spend the evening reading — or being read to.
Gifts aren't a big focus but they still play a role
One thing I wanted to accomplish by making our holiday Santa-free was to not let gifts be a big focus — but my kids still get plenty of presents.
My husband and I try to stick to the basics when buying for our kids: a book, one new outfit, and a toy — but we're lucky to have a lot of friends and family who want to shower our girls with gifts. We also want to make sure that our kids grow up knowing they're fortunate to receive these things and that these gifts don't show up at the house by magic.As we open gifts, my husband and I talk about who each item is from and what that person means to us. When the girls get older, I'll encourage them to write thank-you notes to friends and family to show their gratitude.Without the guise of Santa, I hope the girls will grow up thinking about the people who gave them these gifts. As they open presents on Christmas, they won't think about St. Nick and the North Pole — they'll think about the friends and family around them. I think those are the ones who really count.