Watching my brother become a father made me love him more

• My brother and I have always been super close.
• I chose not to have kids in my 20s, but wondered what my brother would choose.

My brother, Chad, and I are a package deal.

Everyone in our lives either knows or knows of the other Patton sibling. Close friends of Chad's become friends of mine and vice versa. It has gotten to the point where our friend group has become so enmeshed it's hard to pinpoint where each relationship began.

My therapist identified Chad as my safe person — the first person I run to when life gets hard. During childhood (and in between sibling fights), we instinctively knew life was easier as a team.

As we entered adulthood, I thought about what our relationship would look like if one of us had kids. I set my mind on the childless life in my mid-20s. However, I wasn't sure where Chad stood. Having kids was a discussion between Chad and his wife, Tessa — it wasn't my place to broach the self-serving topic of becoming an aunt.

And while thinking about becoming an aunt gave me a lot of warm fuzzies, I knew the option was not promised. So, I looked at having a niece or nephew as a luxury I was not entitled to.

Coming home to a new role

My husband and I spent three-and-a-half years living in Philadelphia, which meant only seeing family twice a year. The experience was a necessary change for me, but living more than 700 miles away from my safe person was difficult.

While living in Philly, my husband's sister had twins, making us uncle and aunt for the first time. Being so far away and having only so many personal days at work to devote to traveling back home, we ended up missing the birth and the first six months of their lives. Guilt weighed on both of us.

Naturally, I began thinking about "what ifs" with my own sibling.

I made a mistake when I became an aunt the first time, and I didn't want to risk missing out if my brother wanted to have kids. So, when we had nothing left tying us to the city, my husband and I moved back so we could see our first nephews more and position ourselves for that big "what if."

We were freshly moved and hanging out on Chad's front porch when we learned the news: A niece or nephew was a very serious possibility. My brother and sister-in-law were serious about having a child.

I arrived home just in time.

Healing through love

In April 2021, my nephew entered the world, and my life was changed for the better.

My husband and I immediately jumped into action as the proud aunt and uncle, joining our already tight circle in rallying around this little human. Chad and Tessa's house has quickly morphed into the Tanners' home on "Full House," with family stepping in for caregiving support or just to get a dose of laughter from a toddler.

As a result of our shared community, there is more joy in the family. I'm sure it is healing for my mom to give her grandson things she wasn't able to give to her children, just as it is healing for me to see my nephew surrounded by emotional safety.

There is also joy in watching my brother become a father and take on the role with pride — a much different example than we saw as kids.

Growing up, I often heard how my father never wanted kids and that he went out of his way not to change our diapers. I didn't fully understand how damaging that was until I entered my 30s. However, when I watch Chad engage with his son, I see the opposite.

Knowing my nephew will always be wanted and loved by his parents has helped repair childhood wounds I didn't know I had. I am grateful to Chad, Tessa, and my nephew for facilitating that repair.

Honestly, I had no idea what our sibling dynamic would look like post kids, but I definitely did not consider it would be this wonderful.