- Planning a vacation with friends can be exciting, and can be just what you need to feel refreshed.
- However, it can also be stressful, and can sometimes change your relationship dynamic.
Going on a trip with friends can be exciting — there's the anticipation of the planning stage, the excitement of the countdown stage, and the stage of texting each other outfit photos as you pack for departure. Before you leave, you think all about the incredible experiences you could have with your besties. From laying out on the beach in Miami, to sampling the local cuisine in Florence, to snapping gorgeous pics in Paris, or having a night you'll never forget in Vegas — no matter where you're going, you're sure to make memories.
But why is it that, sometimes, the trip we've been excitedly planning with our closest friends for months can end up damaging the friendships beyond repair?
"I've experienced it. I've seen it. I know the running joke on social media — 'Never go to Miami for a girls' trip, you will not come back friends,'" Danielle Bayard Jackson, a certified women's friendship coach and the host of the podcast "Friend Forward," told Insider.
Bayard Jackson specializes in helping women build and sustain meaningful relationships, so Insider spoke to her about one thing that can make or break a friendship — traveling together.
It's totally normal for the friendship dynamic to feel different on a trip
It's a giant leap to go from seeing a friend for a few hours once a week to suddenly being together 24/7 for 10 days straight. "Sometimes we don't realize that the reason why our dynamic works is because of the current conditions of our friendship dynamic," Bayard Jackson said. "There are so many things that change on a trip, but we don't account for those changes."
Between running to catch flights, working around language barriers, spending more money, and dealing with travel hiccups — not to mention, new schedules — traveling with a friend might also be the first time you both see how the others deal with stress.
While this change in your dynamic isn't necessarily bad — it can help you grow a better understanding and more appreciation for your friends in the long run — it can immediately feel like you're in a pressure cooker, and you may need some breathing room when you return home to your normal lives.
Figure out money stuff beforehand
If there is one major contributor to bestie-trip fallouts, it's everyone's favorite topic: money. That's why having an open and honest conversation about money and budgets is important before moving forward with trip planning.
"Even though feels on the surface like it would be uncomfortable, it's actually really liberating," Bayard Jackson said. Having a realistic idea of everyone's budgets is key in setting expectations beforehand — no one wants to roll into the Schitt's Creek Motel after expecting the Ritz. Alternatively, no one wants to go on a $50 donut tour when they planned to survive the weekend on $1 slices.
But having those conversations in the moment can be stressful and make individuals feel like they're compromising. It's always a good call to lay it out on the table beforehand, if possible.
Have a pre-trip planning party to open communication in a fun way
In the excitement of planning, sometimes it can be hard to bring up what you're hoping to get out of the trip, especially if you're afraid that it might "bring down the vibe."
However, it's often less about what you're suggesting than how you're suggesting it. "A lot of times, people respond based on the tone with which we bring it up," Bayard Jackson said. This is why she advises holding a pre-trip planning party.
"With a pre-trip planning party, it's understood that we're going have a good time. We'll have some wine or mocktails, open the laptop, and talk about our options. That way it's fun, as opposed to, 'I'm so sorry that by bringing this up, I'm going to detract from the positive vibes,'" Bayard Jackson said.
It's also the perfect opportunity to talk about what you consider to be a good time.
"We think, 'Of course, we have the same idea in our brain,'" Bayard Jackson said. "And then we get there and realize, 'Oh… we have two different ideas of what it means to have a good time.'"
Your idea of fun might be laying by the pool all day, while your friend's idea of fun might be packing in as much sightseeing as possible. You might want to spend the entire trip together, and they might want some blocks of alone time to absorb the experience. One of you might like to plan every day out on an itinerary, while the other might prefer spontaneity. It's important to know what you both — or all — of you want to do while you're there, and then make compromises where necessary.
Address little things that bother you rather than letting them build up
It's day one of your trip, and you're having a fantastic time with your friends — until you notice something that irks you. You let it go. After all, it's not that big of a deal, and you're sure they didn't mean anything malicious. But you don't actually let it go. Now it's day four of the trip, and the tensions are running higher than a Willie Nelson marathon.
"I know it sounds icky, but you have to mention the things that bug as soon as possible," Bayard Jackson said. "As soon as you start to notice that you have not let it go, you need to bring it up, because that irritation will manifest itself in other ways. I believe in doing it in private and doing it early."
When you're willing to give your friends the benefit of the doubt, that's the perfect time to calmly and directly address the issue with them.
"This is something that you're doing for the sake of the friendship, for the sake of the trip, and for getting on the same page," Bayard Jackson said.
Even with the best intentions and doing everything you can to have a fun trip, traveling with friends can still be stressful, and you might need to take a few deep breaths when you get back home and finally drop your bags by the door. That's totally OK.
Just remember, as long as nothing majorly offensive happened on your getaway, they're still the person or people you wanted to travel with in the first place. In the coming days, look over photos from your trip together, think about the fun memories, and maybe, just maybe, plan a shorter vacation next time.