- Gender-fluid dad Charlie Carter began posting videos with their one-year-old daughter last year.
- Many of them go viral, and while they receive a lot of support, the response isn't always positive.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Charlie Carter, and it has been edited for length and clarity.
Although I have been creating content on Instagram since I was 14, I was initially trepidacious to post on
But in 2019, I began to post on the platform while working full-time as a debt collector. My videos typically showcased a masculine-to-feminine transformation, allowing me to show off my queer artistry through makeup and fashion. It also created a space for me to explore the fluidity of my gender at a time when I was struggling with feelings of dysphoria around my body and identity.
In April 2020, I posted a 15-second video captioned "Bro to Beauty." In the first half I am dressed in a traditionally "male" outfit, and then mid-jump I transform into my femme-presenting self through the use of hair, makeup, and clothing. It quickly went viral, gaining over 360,000 views.
@queenaerosol Bro ♀️Beauty♀️Instagram: charliehatesyou#dragtransformation #makeuptransformation #powerofmakeup #dragqueen ♬ Heart to Break - Kim Petras
I received lots of comments from viewers who speculated there were two different people in the video, and seemed unable to believe both versions were me. I think society is very accustomed to labels and a gender binary, so when someone doesn't adhere to those rules, it can be hard for some people to understand.
Since then, I've gone on to post about my life as a gender-fluid parent, featuring my young daughter in some of my videos, which often seem to resonate with viewers. I've grown my platform to over 180,000 followers and received almost 4 million likes on my videos. While I'm delighted to be able to offer more queer representation, the journey hasn't always been easy.
Deciding to post about my daughter was a difficult choice, but it's really resonated with my followers
Initially, I wasn't sure about posting about my one-year-old daughter Myla, as I was concerned about her privacy and safety. But being a dad is a central part of my life and I always aim to be authentic as a content creator. I decided it was important to be open about my experience becoming a parent as a gender-fluid person.
I posted my first video with her in February 2021, with us dancing to Carrie Underwood's "Church Bells," followed by a video that showed me wearing high heels while pushing her stroller, which I captioned, "We are the future."
@queenaerosol God I love her so much it hurts What a lil Icon ✨ #queer #fyp #churchbells #nosebleedfitz #uktiktok #dadlife #lgbtq ♬ Church Bells by Carrie Underwood - Mark
But the one that really went viral was a femme-presentation "get ready with me on a dad day" video, that showed me doing my hair and make-up while caring for her. I realized the video was blowing up when my phone went into overdrive, with constant notifications about comments and likes. It felt completely surreal. To me, it was just a representation of a run-of-the-mill morning for me as a gender-fluid dad, but so many viewers seemed to be in awe, shock, and amazement at what they were seeing.
The video has received 9.2 million views and 1.6 million likes. At first, the attention felt like a serotonin boost, but the influx of new followers, messages, comments, and likes was also overwhelming.
Some comments expressed "concern" that I was "confusing" Myla with my feminine presentation, but so many more came to my defense in expressing how much of an approachable parent I must be to Myla. Some added they were excited to see the outcome of a future generation that will be so accepting.
To me, the response reaffirmed the importance of educating people on the fluidity of sexuality and gender while also challenging the archetype of the traditional parent. After becoming a dad, this became important for me to do. I want to show people that
@queenaerosol Another quick fem presentation step-by-step ft Mylee Moo #youngdad #dadsoftiktok #stepbystep #fem #makeup #queerdad #genderfluid #daddyday ♬ Lofi nostalgic old music box(833007) - NARU
Despite some pitfalls, I'm glad my platform offers an opportunity to increase visibility for people like me
Last year during Pride month I posted a TikTok video that showing me receiving anti-LGBTQ hate at a train station. It went viral and received over 1 million views.
The incident was a frightening and traumatic experience, and while I received a hugely supportive response, it also became overwhelming. People began to approach me in the street which was extremely difficult to navigate and felt overpowering.
The experience changed my perspective and I realized millions of views and thousands of comments on my videos were no longer simply numbers on a screen, they were real people.
@queenaerosol ♬ original sound - Charlie Carter
I have been fortunate to cultivate a community of lovely and supportive followers on TikTok, but negative comments and reactions do also occasionally arise, although I believe those commenters are likely indoctrinated by hate.
Most importantly, having a platform and going viral several times has allowed me to engage younger viewers, and show them that gender-fluid people exist, and we are just ordinary people.
As a working-class gender-fluid child, there was no representation for me and I never thought having my own child would be a possibility. So it's magical that queer youth can see themselves in my experience and have that representation.
I would be content being working class for the rest of my life. However I love that my success on TikTok has allowed me to pursue content creation full time, and extended beyond the platform to offer other opportunities. (I was recently a contestant on season 4 of the BBC's make-up artist competition Glow Up: Britain's Next Make-Up star.)
Hopefully, by the time Myla is older she can see her daddy led a full life and stood proudly in who they were.
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