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The founder of the Miss Black USA Pageant on how to stop talking about your goals and actually start achieving them
The founder of the Miss Black USA Pageant on how to stop talking about your goals and actually start achieving them
Karen ArringtonFeb 7, 2020, 20:05 IST
Karen Arrington is the founder of the Miss Black USA Pageant. Since founding the pageant in 1986, Karen has mentored over 1,000 young women, helping them get into top medical schools, land major modeling and recording contracts, secure life-changing grants and sponsorship deals, and more.
I founded the Miss Black USA Pageant back in 1986. Since that year, I've had conversations with over 1,000 young women - conversations about their aspirations, their education, their future goals, everything they want to be and achieve. I'm constantly encouraging women to think bigger. I'm the queen of preaching, "Dream big!"
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Of course, it's easy to talk about big dreams. But, it's harder to walk the talk, put your dreams into action, and move toward your goals.
Now, don't get me wrong. Talking big and dreaming a big life were the beginnings to every earth-shaking action that ever took place throughout history and always will be. Talking things out is the first step toward building your next level life.
Unfortunately, most people are unable to move beyond the big talk and launch into action. That's because they probably think of their dreams and goals as these huge undertakings and put unnecessary pressure on themselves to get from A to Oprah.
But Oprah wasn't built in a day!
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Don't expect to reach your goal overnight. The key to closing the gap between your dreams and your reality is to break down what you're saying you want to do "eventually" into easily attainable chunks of action that you can do right now.
Here are my top seven recommendations on how to close the gap between what you're saying and what you're actually doing:
Ask yourself, "What can I do in the next 90 days to get closer to my dream? How can I get from point A to point B, or maybe C or D?" If 90 days feels too overwhelming, make it five or 10 days, whatever timeframe feels doable for you.
2. Focus on what you can do today
Focus on small, immediate steps that you can take right now, today, with whatever resources you currently have. Can you apply online for a scholarship right now? You sure can! Can you spend 30 minutes researching job opportunities right now? Yes, ma'am! Can you schedule a coffee date with a career counselor right now? Yaaaas! Can you take a quick walk around the block or find a cardio workout video on YouTube and follow along in your living room right now? Yup.
You don't need money or special privileges or connections to do any of these things. You can just do it. Get moving today. That's the key. Keep asking yourself, "What can I do today?"
3. Start scheduling action steps on your calendar
It's one thing to say, "Oh yeah, I'm going to the gym … " and another to make a date with a fitness friend, lock it into your calendar, and make it a real appointment. If you're serious about your dreams, make things official. Put the steps you need to take right onto your calendar. If "Get car oil changed" and "Get hair done" go onto your calendar, then your biggest dreams deserve a place on your calendar, too.
For example, one of my goals right now is to have more quality time with the people I love. Here's what I'm putting on my calendar: a FaceTime session with my son who lives 3,000 miles away. See stand-up comedy show with a dear friend. More QT with my mom, including a destination spa weekend. Once those experiences are on my calendar, I know they are going to happen.
4. Celebrate the small victories
Once you've hit your first milestone, you'll be so proud of yourself. Acknowledge and celebrate your small victory — whatever it is!
Maybe you got your first rejection letter from a magazine. They didn't want to publish your article, but they gave positive feedback and encouraged you to keep writing. OK, it's not the response you wanted, but it's a small victory nonetheless because at least you're walking down your path, taking action, and getting closer to where you want to be!
Or maybe you've experienced an even happier victory — your first email saying, "We'd love to have you stop by for a job interview" or "Let's meet for lunch to discuss your proposal" or "You're a semi-finalist." Hallelujah! Take a moment to celebrate this win. Let it sink in.
This momentum will carry you to the next milestone and the next and the next until you reach your goal. It will feel like "winning" all along. And that's the real goal to all of this, isn't it? To enjoy the journey and to fill every moment with passion and inspiration and love.
5. Make it fun!
Stop making your journey a chore and start making it fun and inspiring. If you're going to spend five hours of your life researching scholarships or colleges online, for example, you don't have to do it in a dreary bedroom with the curtains drawn shut and the lights turned off.
Make it fun! Make it beautiful! Open the windows. Breathe in the fresh air. Light a candle. Play some Rihanna. Invite a friend over to work on her laptop right alongside you and make it a double-research date. There's always a way to make "doing the work" a little more fun.
Too often, we allow our big dreams to block our path, and we never see them through. Don't fall into that trap. Make your dreams a reality by laying one stone at a time (girl, make sure that stone is a diamond) and loving each stone with all you've got. You'll be amazed at what you can create when you let go of fear and doubt and let passion and joy take over.
6. Make forgiveness a daily ritual
Perhaps a teacher, family member, friend, or significant other once told you you weren't good enough. But you are. It's so easy to believe that naysaying inner voice that insists you can't, you won't, you suck, it'll never happen. Break the stronghold. Forgive them.
Forgive whoever hurt you, whoever lied to you, or whoever tried to dim your brilliant shine. Let it go. Forgiveness doesn't mean what this person did was "OK" or "acceptable" or that they're allowed to do it again. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that this person is invited to continue being part of your life. Forgiveness simply means that you're deciding to release the heavy burden of pain and sadness and say, "I'm choosing to let this go. I'm choosing to forgive and move on, because I want to feel lighter and happier and free." Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.
And yes, sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. But it's so important. If you're carrying around a thousand pounds of anger and disappointment about yourself — anger about all the mistakes you've made, the opportunities you've squandered, the steps you should have taken five years ago — guess what? That thousand-pound weight on your back is just going to slow you down and make it harder to reach your new destination. Let it go. Release the weight. Say, "I'm not perfect. I've made some poor decisions, but that's in the past. My past doesn't define who I am today, or where I'm going. Every day, I'm choosing to work a little harder and be my best self!" With that kind of attitude, you'll be able to move toward your new dreams so much faster.
You are awesome. You are worthy. You are deserving. The world can no longer hold you back from what is yours.
7. Stay open minded
It's great to make plans. But sometimes god, the universe, whatever term you prefer has a different set of plans for you. And sometimes, as you're walking down your path, new opportunities arise that you'd never even considered.
Back when I was an 18-year-old college student, I never "planned" to get involved with the fight against heart disease and diabetes. I never "planned" to start a pageant. I never "planned" to organize a conference for 200 badass women in Dubai. I never "planned" to do 90% of the things I've done! All of those opportunities and projects arose later, sometimes very unexpectedly.
So, it's great to set ambitious goals — but don't be upset if you end up deviating from your intended destination. Sometimes diversions lead to more exciting places and experiences that you could never imagine on your own. Sometimes plans change. Be flexible. Be open to new experiences. Write your plans in pencil.
Excerpted from Karen Arrington's "Your Next Level Life" with permission from Mango Publishing.
