- People on social media are debating "pay your plate" wedding etiquette, calling it tacky.
- Some couples, though, expect their guests to cough up for expensive gifts.
Weddings are expensive, but guests are saying it's not up to them to help couples make ends meet with pricey gifts.
The idea of "pay your plate" is trending on social media, with some saying it's rude not to try to make up the price of your attendance to a wedding through gifts.
One TikToker, who goes by the name EmpathEyes, posted a video in April which is still causing debate among viewers.
She said that even paying for your meal at a wedding isn't enough,
"Are you guys crazy?" she said. "You don't go to a wedding to just pay for your plate. You go to the wedding to pay for you, you cover your plate, and give them something."
EmpathEyes said she thought that if guests couldn't afford to pay that much they "probably should sit it out."
"I just don't think $50 or $100 is cutting it anymore," she said.
Guests aren't convinced, though.
In response, a fellow TikToker, Kat Thomas, said this opinion was "entitled" and "tacky."
Thomas said she had never once thought that she should have to cover the cost of her own plate at any wedding she had attended.
"I've never even thought about how much a plate of food costs at a wedding because that's not what it's about," she said. "It's about celebrating the bride and the groom, and watching them get married and celebrating a milestone with your friends or family, whoever invited you."
"Have we reached a point in society where capitalism is just rotting people's brains to where they're turning every single thing that they do in their lives into a GoFundMe campaign?" Thomas added.
@theeekatthomas I’m so confused by this take but maybe I’m tripping expecting guest pay for their “plate” at a wedding is tacky asf in my opinion #wedding #ceremony #reception #weddinggift #pay #greenscreenvideo
♬ original sound - KAT
TikToker Livvy Farmer also weighed in on the debate, saying anyone with this opinion should be mad at themselves for "planning a wedding that is completely out of your budget."
"Because it sounds like you can't afford to have the wedding that you're planning," she said.
Farmer added that couples sometimes act like their weddings are "the Met Gala" and "people are waiting on the edge of their seats" for the event.
"If you're expecting your wedding guests to shovel out 300 plus dollars to attend your wedding, you are out of your fucking mind," Farmer said. "It's not your wedding guests' responsibility to fund your ridiculously expensive wedding."
She added she didn't want to be made to feel like she was "the broke one" for not bringing an expensive enough gift.
@livfarmer315 ♬ original sound - Livvy
The debate continued in the comments. While some said they were brought up to always think of how much a plate would cost and buy a gift accordingly, others said guests should only be expected to gift what they can afford.
One person wrote, "Am I a guest or a customer?" Another said, "An invite is not an invoice."
"I told everyone who traveled to my wedding that their presence was the wedding gift!" one commenter wrote. "Traveling ain't cheap."
Others said they believed guests showing up is a present in itself.
"If they decide to give you a present, that is just a bonus," one person said. "Expecting a gift is so tacky."
Wedding etiquette is a big topic of discussion, down to what you should wear as a guest, how guests should be invited, how much you should fork out on the celebration as a couple, and how much you should actually spend on a gift for the bride and groom.
With rising costs of living, mounting debts, and expensive rental and mortgage payments plaguing Gen Zers and millennials, some couples are deciding a lavish ceremony and party aren't worth the money.
For example, a father recently told Business Insider he gave his daughter $20,000 to spend on a wedding and was happy when she used the money for a down payment on a house instead.
According to a survey by Newsweek last year, while 21% of millennials aged 25 to 35 and 25% of millennials aged 35 to 44 thought a budget of $50,000 or more was appropriate for a wedding, 25% of Gen Z respondents said $10,000 - $20,000 was more reasonable.