- The
parenting YouTuber and influencer Myka Stauffer received intense backlash online after revealing that she and her husband had placed their son they adopted from China in 2017 in a new home. - In a video on Tuesday, Stauffer and her husband tearfully told her 700,000 subscribers that after three years, they found that they were not equipped to meet their son's medical needs.
- The child had been absent from Stauffer's social media, and there was intense speculation that he had been placed for
adoption a second time. - While many of the comments on the
YouTube video were positive, the Stauffers have received intense backlash on Twitter and Reddit from followers criticizing their parenting and ethics a lack of transparency.
Myka Stauffer, a parenting and
She updated followers on her son's progress as he adjusted to his new home with four siblings, bonded with her husband, James (who runs a successful car-detailing YouTube channel), and received interventions for developmental deficits as a result of a brain tumor and stroke experienced in utero.
And on Tuesday, she shared another update with her audience: Stauffer and her husband had placed Huxley in a new home — a decision that sparked outrage among some of her followers.
Stauffer posted a video titled 'an update on our family' on her channel on Tuesday
"This is by far the hardest video James and I have ever publicly had to make," Myka Stauffer said.
"With international adoption, sometimes there's unknowns and things that are not transparent on files and things like that," James Stauffer said. "Once Huxley came home, there was a lot more special needs that we weren't aware of and that we were not told."
The couple added that Huxley had received "numerous therapies" over the past three years and had begun more intense interventions in the past year. The feedback from medical professionals about their son's condition, they said, had been "really hard" — and ultimately they felt that Huxley needed a home better equipped to support him.
"After multiple assessments, after multiple evaluations, numerous medical professionals have felt that he needed a different fit and that his medical needs — he needed more," Myka Stauffer said through tears.
The YouTuber said the family had delayed making the video and remained vague about the details of their situation on social media to protect Huxley's privacy and ensure the success of his new adoption.
"I didn't want to mess up anything with what's going on legally," she said, later adding, "The reason we haven't updated you sooner is because the medical professionals, the agencies, multiple people have been allowing for Huxley to spend time with some different people to see and to make the perfect match and fit for his now new forever family."
The couple also addressed the speculation and critical comments they received on social media over the past few months as people noticed that Huxley was missing from their content. (The comments are no longer visible on any of the family's social-media accounts.)
"Do I feel like a failure as a mom? Like, 500%. So when you get, like, insidious, hurtful comments, it just, like, really makes it hurt worse," Stauffer said. "It's not about me at all, but it's just, like, this journey has been — the last couple months have been, like, the hardest thing I could have ever imagined."
Stauffer told viewers that the adoption agency had placed Huxley with a family that it thought was "literally the perfect match."
"He is thriving. He is very happy. He's doing really well. And his new mommy has medical-professional training, and it is a very good fit," Stauffer said.
Ultimately, the Stauffers said they hoped their viewers would "give us grace" and respect their privacy as they grieved.
Many of the comments on the video, which had been viewed over 100,000 times in one day, were supportive.
"I respect you so much for having the courage to make such a heartbreaking and hard decision," one commenter wrote. "You are such great parents, you have to do what's right for him first and foremost."
"As an adoption professional, we are quick to judge adoptive parents who 'give up,'" another said. "This is extremely heartbreaking and eye opening to hear from the other side what adoptive parents go through when making tough decisions. Thank you for sharing your story."
The feedback elsewhere, however, has been much more critical, and people have criticized a lack of transparency, her parenting ability, and the monetization of her lifestyle
Sophie Ross, a freelance writer and copywriter who frequently publicizes and criticizes the behavior of influencers in what she says is an effort to hold public figures accountable, accused Stauffer of making adoption "her brand" and "making herself the victim" in the video. Ross said Stauffer "secretly rehomed" the child and blocked commenters inquiring about Huxley.
—Sophie Ross (@SophRossss) May 27, 2020
Ross went on to suggest that Stauffer posted the explanation video only after commenters told her sponsors that the couple "gave up their child after gleefully profiting off him for years."
While Stauffer's Instagram is largely free of negative comments, recent Instagram posts from companies she partners with, like Danimals, were flooded with comments from critics demanding that the company end a partnership with an influencer who "literally gave away her son."
Ross told Insider that she was "so horrified" by the "dark" situation and that she thought the influencer's video was an insufficient explanation.
Stauffer "owes her followers full, 1,000% transparency," she said, "since she's profited from exploiting this child for years."
The thread received hundreds of likes and retweets — and Ross wasn't the only one who expressed outrage on Twitter.
"Imagine writing out these captions and not meaning a single word," another Twitter user wrote, uploading screenshots of posts on Stauffer's Instagram in which the YouTuber wrote that she "couldn't imagine a day" without her son.
"You adopted him solely for the attention it would give you and now you're giving him away," the tweet said. "Unbelievable."
Stauffer's videos about her preadoption process did not appear to be monetized, but many of the videos after the couple brought the child home appeared to be monetized. On Instagram, Stauffer maintained several sponsors throughout the adoption. At least one sponsored Instagram post pictured the baby and featured adoption as a topic.
Others have criticized Stauffer's parenting, drawing attention to what they say is problematic content from the past few years.
"Heres a pic of 2 year old Huxley with his hands duct taped by his 'parents' myka and jim stauffer @mykastauffer as punishment for sucking his thumb as a coping mechanism...when their older children also sucked their thumbs and were never punished," one Twitter user wrote, posting a screenshot from one of Stauffer's vlogs.
—hailey (@shmailey_) May 27, 2020
The YouTuber has also been the subject of a thread on the subreddit r/blogsnark, an online community dedicated to "snarking" and commenting on the behavior of popular bloggers and
"This makes me so so so angry and sad for this little boy," one Redditor wrote. "And wtf was that Bali trip right around the time they did this...despicable human garbage."
"I can't even imagine this being an option," another said. "Like imagine sitting down with your husband to discuss your kid that has so many needs and even uttering the words 'maybe we should essentially return him.'"
Myka Stauffer did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment.
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