- I'm a mom of four kids, and they are all in different stages of their lives.
- While the age gap was not intentional, I now see that it has some benefits.
As my husband and I grew our family, people told me that our kids were too spaced out in age to play together. Indeed, there is a 25-year gap between our youngest and our oldest. The youngest is in diapers, the next is in elementary school, followed by a teen, and the oldest is already an adult.
The age gap was not planned
To be honest, we didn't really plan the spacing of our kids. In hindsight, I see the advantages of having kids close in age since a big gap poses logistical challenges. It's tricky to manage hand-me-downs. I pine for the adorable play kitchen we gave away 15 years ago.
It is also hard to get the kids to enjoy a shared activity since they are at different developmental stages. We recently had the opportunity to go skiing, but I stayed in the chalet with the baby. Regardless, I have discovered that there are emotional benefits for me as a mom of kids with a big age gap.
Having kids at different stages gives me perspective
The first benefit is perspective. It is wonderful for parents to be attuned to their children, but it also puts us at risk of getting emotionally stuck at one moment in time. This has happened to me. I remember being stressed when my oldest son was slow to potty train. On more than one occasion, I didn't parent him as well as I could because the stress hindered me. Now, with more experience and kids at multiple stages, I am able to put potty-training stress, and the like, into perspective: this is stressful right now, but before I know it, my child will move to a different stage.
Everyone enjoys the baby
Seeing my older kids interact with the baby reveals another benefit of their age gap. When parenting a baby, it is super gratifying to watch their small accomplishments. However, I've found that it can be hard to explain these milestones to people outside the home, even people who love the baby very much. Explaining that the baby can quack like a duck is not as magical (or hilarious) as witnessing that moment.
It is fun for me to see my older kids invested in the baby's day-to-day growth; it is fun to have my older kids laughing along at his antics. My oldest, now an adult, laughs and rolls her eyes with me about all her little siblings, especially the teenager.
Every family is unique
When people said that my children would not play together, it made me feel guilty. I wondered if we should have been more intentional about the spacing of our kids. I sometimes worry that my kids are missing my attention as I attend to one of their siblings at a different stage. But I ultimately tell myself that each family's dynamic is unique, with both benefits and challenges. I ultimately see my children getting a lot of value from their relationships with each other. Believe it or not, they even play together.