My twin sister and I struggled with jealousy while growing up. Then something my grandfather said on his deathbed changed my outlook completely.

• My twin sister and I dealt with comparison and feelings of jealousy while growing up.
• I only learned to let go of these feelings when our grandpa died in 2022.

My twin sister, Aimee, was given the easy name.

I, on the other hand, couldn't even say my name when we first learned how to speak. My mother told me that as a toddler I would insist profusely that my name was Maimee, seemingly combining my sister's name with my own.

"No, you are Mikhaila," my mum would say. "That's Aimee."

She would point to my sister, who shared the same golden ringlets and splatter of freckles. And I would shake my head, convinced that I was correct — that we were both Aimee. Or we were Maimee, which was close enough in my eyes.

Thankfully, that phase didn't last very long. Our parents and grandparents didn't lean too much into the twin thing because they wanted my sister and me to each have our own sense of identity. They rarely dressed us in the same clothes unless the clothes were given as a gift by a family member. And they quietly resented anyone who would refer to us as "the twins" instead of our names.

But even so, our peers usually treated Aimee and me as if we were one entity.

Comparison led to jealousy

Some people struggled to tell us apart when we were young. I remember in one high-school English class, the teacher purposefully assigned Aimee and me seats together at the back of the room — Aimee on the right and me on the left — so that she wouldn't confuse us.

Despite this, when our report cards were released a couple of months later, the teacher got our grades mixed up.

Like many twins, this lack of individualism led some people to draw comparisons and pit us against each other. For instance, when I was about 20, two people I thought were friends argued about who they thought was the "prettier twin" right in front of me.

Eventually, the comparisons led to a sense of jealousy between Aimee and me, especially because we shared the same social circle. We hated when family or friends would imply that one of us was the "favorite," leaving the other to question themselves.

My grandpa's last words changed my outlook

This jealousy was something neither of us fully addressed until my grandpa's death in October 2022.

He had been unwell for about a year, and we had known it was coming.

Aimee and I had always been close to him, but we started to spend even more time with him during his final months. We listened for hours as he told us his life stories, and I noticed that Aimee in particular started to bond with him more. She has always been more of a talker than me, and she would often scribble notes so she could remember the things my grandpa said during these conversations.

Deep down, I knew Aimee had become Grandpa's "favorite." This made me jealous, but at the same time, I was happy that they had become so close.

During his final days in the hospital, my grandpa was on so much medication that he spent most of the time sleeping. When he was awake, he was so weak that he couldn't talk.

A couple of days before he died, I was visiting him without Aimee when he woke, and his eyes flashed with recognition.

"Your show!" he spat out, not able to say anything more.

At first, I was confused. But then I realized he had gotten me confused for Aimee, who had taken part in a local theatre production earlier that week. It was the first time (to my knowledge) that he had ever gotten us mixed up.

Everyone was shocked that he was able to speak, let alone remember Aimee's performance. It just goes to show how much he adored her, and in my opinion, it proved that the love he shared with my twin was different from his relationship with any of his other family members, myself included.

But instead of the expected feeling of jealousy, I felt proud that my sister had such a positive impact on my grandpa's life. And I was thankful that Aimee's show gave him something to be excited and proud about in his final days. It was a moment for growth as I realized I was grateful for something I previously would have quietly resented.

And I know that my grandpa also loved me. This experience taught me that, like twins, all relationships are unique, and Aimee's relationship with Grandpa would never take away from the bond I shared with him.

For the first time, I didn't feel upset about someone favoring my twin. After all, it was never about me.