My husband left me 3 weeks before Christmas, but it hasn't stopped my kids from keeping up the holiday spirit

• Three weeks before Christmas, my husband announced he was leaving me.
• I look at photos from that holiday, and my eyes are hollow and sad.

I buy into it every year — the lights, the tinsel, the fa-la-la-la-la. And every year I feel a twinge of sadness because no matter what, my Christmas will never live up to the hype.

When I was a little girl, I was the only one in our family who decorated the Christmas tree. Although he did not say "bah humbug," my father was a bit of a Scrooge in December. He used to tell me, "Wait until you're a grown-up. Christmas won't be quite as much fun."

For several years, it wasn't.

It was three weeks before Christmas, in 1996, that my husband informed me he was leaving. He walked out the door at the start of what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.

Although he came home to celebrate Christmas morning with us, it was not a merry time. Looking back at the photos we took that day, I see the kids radiating seasonal joy as they tear into their presents. Me? Not so much. My eyes are hollow, and my expression is vacant. Those photos always shock me back into the memory of that extremely difficult time.

In my holiday sadness at the loss of my marriage, I decided not to decorate the house. I found the effort exhausting. To be frank, it did not occur to me that my children might actually miss the seasonal decor.

My kids took over decorating the house

That first year after my divorce, my oldest came home from college expecting a magazine-ready enchanting scene. He walked into a naked living room devoid of even one candy cane or holly branch. He didn't even take off his coat but grabbed the car keys and his youngest brother to head to the nearest tree lot. Within an hour, we had a fully decorated tree, complete with lights and garland. The kids were thrilled. I was meh.

I realized a couple of things at that moment. It doesn't have to be my responsibility to create Christmas memories. I wasn't sure what our celebration was supposed to look like, but now I knew I didn't have to be the one in charge.

In fact, deferring to the kids would actually give them a more memorable experience because it was of their design.

My second realization was that despite the spate of Christmas movies and endless holiday commercials, there really isn't any script we're required to follow to celebrate the season. That was liberating.

We were not failing as a family because we weren't creating our own Hallmark moment. Our latest, greatest Christmas memory happened in January a few years ago. All five children — and a few significant others — got together for a week. It did not matter that Santa had already packed his suit away and the reindeer were vacationing on a tropical island. We had an awesome time.

We parents put a lot of pressure on ourselves this time of year, which might just end up in disappointment because there's no such thing as a perfect Christmas. My maxim now and always is to keep everyone's expectations low, and we will never be disappointed.

This season I focus on enjoying what we have and not stressing about what we don't.