- My husband and I spend a lot of time together.
- When our relationship began, we were long distance and learned that we'd rather be close together.
On most weekdays I help my teenage sons get out the door for school before sitting down to have breakfast with my husband. We talk about our days, discuss any
His office is in the basement, and on days when I'm working from home, mine is on the second story.
We typically meet on the main floor for lunch and another chat. At some point, we find time for a workout — either a run or something from the Peloton app. After the workday, we check in with the kids and leash the dog for a short walk around the neighborhood before working on dinner together.
We spend an absurd amount of time together, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
We have other friendships but prefer each other
On weekends we explore new neighborhoods on a longer run or work together on some house projects. We hang out with our teenage sons — when they can stand to be around us — or make plans for dinner with friends. Because we share the same musical taste and love of live music, several times a year we also try to attend concerts together.
It's not that we don't like other people. We both have our own healthy friendships, but in the day-to-day, if you find one of us, you'll most likely find the other.
I've done enough reading on codependency — and seen enough relationships destroyed by it — to know that this isn't that.
Our relationship is mutually beneficial: We each provide love and support for the other. And we got married because we genuinely enjoyed being together.
Our meet-cute was one for the ages. We literally bumped into each other as we exited our cars to spend a couple of hours waiting in line for a concert. With no phones to stare at, we started to chat, discussing favorite bands, family, faith, and fantasies about travel. I remember whispering to my friend Sara, "I'm going to marry that boy," a prophecy spoken from the heart of a lovesick 20-something. Luckily, I was right.
We've done long distance but much rather spend time together
Our first year was spent dating long distance, so we became used to time apart. Initially, we communicated by email, but because I was a snobby English major, his grammar mistakes annoyed me. Bravely, I asked for his phone number. I was starting to fall for him, and I didn't want to jeopardize that because he didn't always know the difference between there and their. Phone calls led to in-person visits, which led to lasting love.
Once we finally shared the same ZIP code, we didn't want to spend any more time apart.
In those 18 years, we've been through a lot — the death of a sibling and a father, three interstate moves, and the adoption of our sons at ages 7 and 8. Building our family in such a unique way led to a deeper understanding of trauma and many challenging moments where we could lean on only each other. Many marriages don't make it through those difficulties, but ours strengthened.
We have no judgment for those whose partnerships look different from ours, but we're thankful for the friendship and intimacy we share. With the rate of "gray divorces" soaring, I don't look to our empty-nest years with dread.
Of course, I will miss the daily rhythms, epic eye rolls, and even the messy bathroom that come with having our sons in the house, but I also know my husband and I won't mind spending time together.
I think we've already proved we're pretty good at that.