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My husband and I have been co-sleeping with our kid since she was a toddler. It doesn't get in the way of our relationship.

Jun 18, 2023, 18:09 IST
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The author with her husband and their daughter.Courtesy of the author
  • My daughter started co-sleeping with me and my husband when she was 1-and-½ years old.
  • Now, she's almost 5, and we have no plans of stopping, even with another baby on the way.
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The day my husband and I first welcomed our daughter into this world, people frequently warned me against the idea of co-sleeping. They said it would create dependence, control, and boundary issues with our daughter and — more importantly — warned us that it would get in the way of me and my husband's romantic relationship.

So, for the first year, our daughter slept in her crib. But when the pandemic started and she was a year-and-½ old, she began sleeping in our bed. And truthfully, it hasn't created any problems at all. If anything, it has helped my husband and I develop even more love, both as partners and as parents.

Let me explain.

Co-sleeping helped us sleep more soundly through the night

During the beginning of the pandemic, I started having nightmares. When my daughter woke up fussing and crying, it seemed like she also might be experiencing bad dreams. I wanted to try to find a way for us all to get some much-needed sleep, so I thought it would be worth sleeping in the same bed, all cuddled up and cozy together. After several nights of co-sleeping, we saw what a difference it made. Since we were sleeping peacefully through the night, it just made sense for us to keep up the habit.

We did and continue to do so. Our daughter will be 5 this September, and even with a new baby on the way, my husband and I have no intention of stopping co-sleeping. It works for our daughter, and it works for us.

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It doesn't work for everyone

First, we know that just because it works for us doesn't mean it's ideal for all families. Depending on the age of your children, co-sleeping could condition parents to start going to bed when their children do, or vice versa.

It can also create boundary issues in which children have a hard time understanding the concept of needing their own space, as well as a parent's need for their own space. And, of course, it can create intimacy problems with your partner or spouse.

However, for our family, co-sleeping works on many levels. If you're wondering about our sex life, while co-sleeping can make things trickier, it also creates more fun and spontaneous moments for my husband to be romantic, which, luckily, is never a problem. In fact, it makes things more exciting or fun since we have to be creative about creating "intimate" moments. Intimacy or romantic problems have never been an issue. If anything, it has made our relationship as husband and wife stronger.

It provides its own level of intimacy and love

This might sound strange, but being cuddled up in bed as a family of three provides its own level of intimacy. When I wake up in the middle of the night and see my daughter and husband cuddled face-to-face, it makes me feel such an intense wave of love that it's almost hard to describe.

Seeing what a caring father my partner is toward our daughter makes me feel more secure and has created an even stronger bond between the two of us. We love each other more than ever. We all wake up together, and my husband and I kiss each other each morning, then wake our daughter up with a kiss on the cheek.

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It strengthened my relationship with my daughter

She is my best friend, my sidekick, and my little shadow. Despite our already close relationship, I truly believe that co-sleeping has further deepened our bond as mother and daughter.

If you're lucky, co-sleeping doesn't have to damage your relationships, whether with your husband or partner or with your children. Instead, it can strengthen your bonds, just like it did for us.

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