- My husband and I had two weddings, three years apart.
- We married at City Hall in New York City. Then we had the wedding of our dreams in Cambridge, UK.
I've been married for close to seven years, but it's been almost four years since my wedding day.
My husband and I married at City Hall in New York City in October 2016, then had our wedding in Cambridge, UK, in July 2019.
It's not that we didn't want a wedding sooner. We couldn't afford to have a big celebration with all of our family and friends at the time, and we wanted to get married in 2016. We also needed to comply with the terms of my visa. I'd recently moved to the US from the UK, and we had to marry within 90 days of me entering the country (romantic, I know).
I'd lived in New York for years before and had to go back to the UK when my visa expired. At that point, we'd been dating for two years and living together for one.
Despite hearing that long distance doesn't work, we made it work. We saw each other twice in person — the airfare was too expensive — and watched TV over FaceTime when we ran out of things to talk about (without shared experiences, it happens). And we poured ourselves into work; I got a new job in London, and he started his first job out of law school.
Then, when he visited for New Year's, we went to Paris, where he proposed. I said yes, and months later we were married. I'd never been happier.
But later, as we planned our 2019 wedding, I felt a bit self-conscious about how people might perceive us having two celebrations. Part of me worried they'd make assumptions about our relationship (thanks, "90-Day Fiancé," for perpetuating stereotypes), but looking back I wouldn't change a thing.
Our City Hall wedding was low-key, but perfect for us
I couldn't wait to get married, even if a courthouse wedding wasn't exactly what I envisioned. For my husband, an attorney, it was fitting. Besides, Carrie Bradshaw made it look fashionable and I planned on doing the same — on a budget. We'd already spent a bunch on my visa and wanted to save for a larger wedding.
So instead of a gown at Kleinfeld's, I said yes to a £17.50 dress from ASOS. Instead of invitations, we sent a group email. Instead of a venue, we booked a table at a Tribeca restaurant. I did my own makeup, and got my hair done at Drybar. I picked up a bouquet from a florist downtown. And it wasn't until days before we got married that we even thought about a cake. (Shout-out to my maid of honor who braved the Cronut line at Dominique Ansel Bakery to pick it up.)
Our close relatives flew in from Malta, the UK, the Netherlands, and Austin, Texas, for the occasion. My in-laws drove down from upstate New York. We also invited a couple of friends, the roommates my husband and I had when we met as neighbors living across the hall.
We waited in line with other couples being funneled through security. It felt like going through TSA, having our handbags inspected and walking through a metal detector. Then we got a ticket, like you would to pick up a sandwich at Katz's, and waited for our number to pop up on a screen.
When it was time, we walked into a small room and had a ceremony that lasted about 30 seconds. It was so fast, our officiant told guests to get their phones out to take pictures at the start of the ceremony because "it'll be quick" — words I'm used to hearing before a bikini wax.
We weren't asked to repeat anything after him, and said "I do."
It was a basic room and there were no fancy words, but it didn't matter. My heart was racing all the same.
As we left, our guests threw biodegradable confetti at us before we walked through City Hall Park to have our pictures taken (my dad was our photographer). Then we had lunch, cut our cake, and got the subway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where we watched the sun set over drinks on the rooftop. It was a perfect, very New York day.
My husband's aunt hosted a lovely brunch for us the next day at her apartment and gifted us matching "Spouse A" and "Spouse B" T-shirts from the City Hall store. Naturally, I got Spouse A.
Our UK wedding was worth the wait
It may not be conventional to plan a wedding with your spouse, but that's what we did.
We saved up, and with some help from our families, put down a deposit at a beautiful venue: Downing College, at the University of Cambridge. We booked an officiant for our vow renewal; we couldn't legally have a marriage ceremony, since we were already married.
We invited a hundred guests, and booked a band (Soul Patrol), photographer (Alice the Camera), videographer (McGill Sister Films), and florist (Riverside Rose). This time, I had a makeup artist (Makeup by Mary) and hairstylist (Glenda Mooney Hair) and ordered a custom cake (Compton & Kennedy).
There were British, American, and Greek touches, to honor our home countries and my Greek-Cypriot heritage. We had Pimm's cups and fish and chips in newspaper cones; a peanut-butter-and-chocolate tier in our cake and "Sweet Caroline" on the playlist; plus Greek dancing and almond-cookie favors from a Greek-Cypriot bakery.
As much as I loved wedding planning, I found myself downplaying it in certain ways
Worried people might think we were vain to have a second celebration, I found myself trying to scale back anything that felt like "too much." I chose not to wear a veil, but now wish I had, and opted for simpler hair.
But when the day came, none of that mattered.
I felt like a million bucks in my Pronovias dress, and walking down the aisle to my husband felt special all over again. Being married also took the pressure off. The only worry I had was whether I'd be able to pull off the steps to our first dance in my train. (Just about!)
We danced the night away with our guests, and had the time of our lives. The evening culminated with the song from "Dirty Dancing," and yes we did the lift!
They were the best days of my life
Soon after our 2019 celebration, loads of couples rescheduled or adapted their weddings during the pandemic — and many had more than one. It showed me that weddings aren't one size fits all, and made me wish I hadn't let the fear of judgment get the best of me.
I feel lucky to have had our two weddings now, especially since we'd considered waiting for 2020 to save more for our big celebration. Had we done that, we wouldn't have been able to gather our family and friends in one place — for us, the most important part.
Looking back, having two weddings was a way to celebrate our love in my two homes, the US and the UK. They were the two best days of my life.
And now we get two anniversaries.