- Makeup guru and
YouTube star Nikkie de Jager, known asNikkieTutorials to her millions of subscribers, posted her first YouTube video since being robbed at gunpoint in her home. - The 26-year-old told viewers that she was "okay," but the incident had taken a toll on her mental health — and for both health and legal reasons, she would not be revealing any details of the break-in.
- De Jager went on to film a makeup tutorial for a Color Reveal Barbie transformation, as makeup continues to be her outlet and a form of "therapy."
- In the video, the YouTube star thanked her fans for giving her space, love, and encouragement during a difficult time.
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"Some of you have followed me for years, and if you've followed me for years, you know that 2020 has been a ride," de Jager said in the clip before tearing up and collecting herself with some encouragement from behind the camera. "In these years, I got to do some of the most amazing things, but also shared some of my darkest days with you."
The YouTube star then explained the situation: she and her fiancé Dylan Drossaers were robbed at gunpoint in their home in the Netherlands. Dutch news outlets reported that at least three people were involved in the break-in, which occurred at around 4 p.m on August 8. While de Jager said she couldn't share details of the incident, as an investigation is ongoing, she wanted her fans to know that she was "okay."
Still, she explained, the traumatic incident took a toll and challenged her to reevaluate her priorities — especially regarding her mental health.
"Having one of those worst nightmares come true is very surreal, but it also puts a lot of things in perspective. Now more than ever, you realize that family is everything. And being in good health is even more important," she said. "So maybe, one day, I'll be able to tell you everything. But right now, it's impossible for my mental state."
De Jager went on to say that makeup had always been a form of "therapy" and something that her attackers cannot "take away," so she would film a whimsical color-reveal Barbie makeup tutorial, as planned.
"I need to joke around to get over this," she explained.
Throughout the remainder of the video, De Jager transformed herself into a "human Barbie doll hybrid" — and joked about her situation.
"The first product I'm going to go in with is, of course, primer because not to prime — oh, God, wrong timing — is a crime," she said, pausing.
Despite her positive outlook, De Jager said she still struggled to make sense of her situation.
"It's gonna take a lot of time for Dylan and myself and our family and friends to grow from this and to keep going with life," she said, adding that, to make matters worse, a friend had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.
"It's like, when is it enough? When is life gonna be like, 'Okay, you're good people, here's some good things?'" she wondered.
To conclude the video, she expressed her appreciation for her fans' support and respect during a turbulent time.
"I want to thank you for being there for us. For giving us time. For respecting us and for having our backs. In life, the most important thing is health, family, and friendships," she said. "I am so beyond grateful to be able to sit in my studio today and film a brand new video for you guys like nothing happened."
In just one day, the video racked up over 1,000,000 views and thousands of supportive comments from fans.
"Why is 2020 being so terrible to our Nikkie?!??" one commenter wrote. "Whoever is in favour of pretending like this year never happened, raise yah hands."
The latest incident follows a turbulent year for the YouTube star
De Jager made headlines in early 2020 after releasing an emotional YouTube video in which she came out as transgender. The timing of the video, however, had not been her choice — early on in the video, she revealed that she had been blackmailed by someone threatening to leak her story to the press.
"I am here to share with you something that I always wanted to share with you one day, but under my own circumstances. It looks like that chance has been taken away from me, so today I am taking back my own power," she said. "I don't need labels. If we're gonna put a label on it, I'm transgender. But at the end of the day, I am me."
The video was met with a largely positive response — de Jager's fellow YouTube stars rallied around her and fans commended her bravery and heralded her as "an inspiration." She even appeared on "The Ellen Degeneres Show" where the famed host, partnering with Shutterfly, made a $10,000 donation in de Jager's name to The Trevor Project, a nonprofit dedicated to suicide prevention for
Despite the warm response, de Jager later explained, her coming out experience had not been a fairytale.
In April, she told the Dutch publication &C that her experience with Ellen DeGeneres had not been as welcoming as it appeared on camera.
"Call me naive, but I kind of expected to be welcomed with confetti cannons: 'Welcome to The Ellen DeGeneres Show!' But, instead, I was greeted by an angry intern who was a bit overworked. I was expecting a Disney show, but got Teletubbies after dark," she said of the experience. "Every guest at Ellen's had a private toilet, but I didn't. I was not allowed to use the nearest toilet, because it was reserved for the Jonas Brothers. 'Why do they get a private toilet,' I thought. But in the end, my item had eight million views afterwards and theirs two million, ha!"
De Jager also told the publication that she'd struggled emotionally since being blackmailed into coming out — and she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) soon after releasing the video.
"All my symptoms indicate towards PTSD," she said. "All I can do is give myself time to give it a place, [the doctor] said. So I try that, although it is still difficult at times."
Read more:
Inside the life of NikkieTutorials, a beauty YouTuber who recently came out as transgender