I've worn braids off and on for 30 years as a practice of self-love. I owe it all to my dad.

• I've been sporting box braids since I was 8 years old because of my dad.
• Wearing braids makes me feel closer to myself and my ancestors.

It was the spring of 1994. I was 8 years old, and the singer Brandy was everything.

I wanted to emulate her, but the most coveted thing I wanted was her signature braids. Like her breakout hit single, I wanted to be down. For Black girls like me, Brandy was one of the first public figures whom I saw myself in. She was just a regular teen singing about puppy love, friendships, and wanting more autonomy.

My go-to hairstyle has a complicated origin story

Simultaneously, my family was going through one of the most difficult chapters we've ever experienced.

In the early 90s there was another massive social shift with the HIV/AIDS epidemic. My mother's younger sister was diagnosed with HIV in the late 80s, and from 1992 to 1994, my mom went back and forth from our home in West Covina, California, to New York City to help my aunt, my grandmother, and my aunt's children make preparations as her HIV advanced into AIDS. My aunt died from the disease in April 1994.

In turn, it left my dad Julius in charge, and he struggled to do my hair for about two months before one day, he picked me up from school and drove me to a nearby grocery store parking lot. We exited the car and walked into a neighboring salon where a short, beautiful African woman, whom I still affectionately call Ms. Gladys, was waiting to braid my hair.

I couldn't believe I was finally getting to rock the coveted box braid bob, just like my idol Brandy.

Learning to love the hard parts

I have 4c, tightly coiled hair. Up until that point getting my hair done was not enjoyable. There were always sighs and looks of exasperation when an adult was tasked with doing my mane. I was — and still am — a very intuitive person and picked up that my hair was something to be "tamed" to make way for ease and comfort.

Growing up as a dark-skinned Black woman and being the "only" at different points of my life often made me feel isolated. But when I get braids, I feel closer to myself, and I recently realized it makes me feel closer to my dad too.

Through braids, I learned more about my history as the style deeply connects me to my ancestors, who weaved in roadmaps to freedom.

My dad, the unsuspecting self-love champion

My dad is a stoic, mysterious man who loves cooking, plants, and sports. We mostly bond over sports, but we spent more quality time together when he was my sole caretaker. Throughout my childhood, my dad worked hard to provide for his family, and his job often took him away from home for weeks.

As an adult, our relationship doesn't have the same closeness, but when I think back on his care for me, I am grateful to have a dad like him.

A few years ago, I was curious about how he orchestrated my first hair-braiding experience, and he told me he was so clueless about what to do with my hair that he asked one of his coworkers for help, and she shared Ms. Gladys' information.

He didn't know what he did for me that day when he brought Ms. Gladys into my life, and even now, it's hard to express my sentiments.

When he reads this, I hope he knows how important he is to me and how his love action unlocked a pathway for me to love myself.