- Jen Komaromi describes her parenting style as "free range" because she allows her kids more freedom.
- The 51-year-old was happy for her son, then 15, to fly solo to France and change planes in Paris.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jen Komaromi, 51, who owns a bakery and a gift store in the Bay Area. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My son, Jack, was invited to stay with his friend's family for a month in rural France, but the timing meant he couldn't travel with them.
At first, I felt hesitant about sending my 15-year-old alone on two flights — he had a layover in Paris — but when I called Air France, they almost laughed off my concerns. It was almost as if they thought I was crazy.
It was perfectly legal for him to travel unaccompanied. He didn't even need a notarized letter. The customer service agent was so laid-back about it that I thought, "Why not?"
My husband, Kevin, 50, and I waved him off at the airport in San Francisco in the summer of 2021. Eleven hours later, Jack texted to say he'd landed at Charles de Gaulle and was waiting at the gate to transfer to Lyon.
It went smoothly. He returned safe and sound — proud of his independence and our trust in him.
I didn't want to be fearful in raising my kids
We've long held the belief that Jack, now 18, and his sister, Evie, 14, should enjoy as much freedom as possible, as long as it's within reason.
We live in a safe neighborhood. However, I've become increasingly aware of how much fear dictates people's parenting choices. I made a conscious decision not to be fearful in raising my children.
The idea of being a helicopter parent who monitors their every step is somewhat hilarious to me.
When Jack was in first grade, he started walking solo from school to the library, which was pretty much next door but involved crossing a road.
You have to do things in stages. One of the biggest misconceptions about free-range parenting — the method we happily follow — is that you throw your kids to the wind.
For us, it was a gradual process of baby steps. In the beginning, I accompanied him to the library. Then, I'd stay behind and chat with his teacher before catching up with him.
After he'd built up enough confidence, he went there alone and stayed to do his homework before walking to meet us at the shops where we worked.
Evie followed suit in terms of independence. The only thing that held her back — which, I believe, is more common in the case of girls — is not having many friends with like-minded parents. She wanted to engage in activities and adventures with other children, but if their parents won't let them, it isn't as fun on your own.
My kids know to ask people for help if needed
But she and Jack found their tribe. When Jack was 13, he did an all-day bike ride with a friend to a peak overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. It was about a 60-mile round trip. Last month, Evie and her friend took their bikes on a ferry and cycled 45 miles around the bay.
I know they'll ask for help if they need it. They've been raised to be confident in talking with strangers.
Parenting is about being your child's first teacher. You teach them how to navigate the world, but then you have to step back and let them do it for themselves.
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