- I've been a nanny for 19 years and know that meltdowns happen when it's time to go home.
- Talk about your plans before the day starts; clear expectations are good for toddlers.
In my 19 years as a nanny, I've seen plenty of toddler meltdowns. These are part of growing up, but in many cases, it's possible to avoid a meltdown long before it's begun brewing with these tried and tested techniques.
Part of the problem is that parents, understandably, are keen to avoid a scene in a public place. So, if the situation looks like it might escalate quickly, they go for what looks like the path of least resistance. Normally that sounds something like this: "I'll buy you an ice cream if you do as you're told."
Bribing your child — promising them a toy or treat to follow your instructions — might work once or twice, but mostly it's unhelpful because it creates an unhealthy pattern that encourages your child to misbehave or act out to get what they want and it teaches children that if they misbehave for long enough, they will indeed get their own way. Bribery can also become very expensive for you as parents
Instead, I suggest you try these things.
Keep your toddler fully informed
Your child understands a lot more than they can say and can follow instructions about known tasks and places, toys, and objects they're familiar with. So tell them about your plan for the day. If your child knows what's coming next, they won't be surprised when you issue an instruction.
If you're going to the playground, discuss a plan with your child for how things will go once you arrive. You might say: "You will have time to play on the swings, slide, and merry-go-round, and then our park time will be up. Then it's time to go home for lunch."
Or you can say: "When we get to the picnic, we have one hour to play with our friends. Mummy/daddy will let you know when we have 15 mins left to play."
Use a countdown to manage expectations
If your child is really enjoying themself, you'll need to give them plenty of time to get used to the idea of leaving. Communicate with your child and give them a countdown to prepare them for going home.
Confirm your child is listening and has heard and understood what you have said. For example, you could say: "We have 15 minutes left at the zoo. Is there something you want to see again before it's time for us to go home?"
And later, you can follow that up with: "We have 10 minutes left at the zoo before it closes. Would you like me to tell you when we have 5 minutes left?"
Or you can try this: "We have just enough time left to see the monkeys and the penguins one more time before the zoo closes. Let's go and do that, and then it's time to get in the car and go home for dinner."
Being clear in your communication and explaining everything to your child can help avoid a meltdown.
Children love to learn — teach them about time
It'll help you if your children are not startled by a sudden announcement of "It's time to leave now."
Introduce the concept of time to your child. Use your watch, or buy them a watch and discuss numbers, times, and length with them so they can start gauging how long activities take.
A clear example of this is: "When the big hand is on the 12, and the small hand is on the 3, that means it is 3 pm". Younger children will not get the concept of time straight away, but it's still a good way of introducing it in context, as well as practicing number recognition and clear communication.
But don't do this
A common tactic that I see all the time is parents saying, "We're going now, bye!" and then taking a couple of steps away from their toddler.
To suggest "we are leaving with or without you" doesn't work. First, it can cause upset — the exact response you're trying so hard to avoid — and, secondly, it's too vague. It does not explain to the child what is happening next and why they have to leave.
I would always advise practicing patience and clear boundaries to avoid having to use that type of language to communicate.
Nanny Sharz is an experienced nanny, parent coach, and childcare expert, and an ambassador for Nannytax, the payroll provider and nanny employment experts.