Thelife- I've been a professional bridesmaid for seven years, and I've worked at over 125 weddings.
- Setting rules around whether you're inviting kids or plus-ones can take some stress out of planning.
Before I started working as a professional bridesmaid seven years ago, I had no idea how complex weddings really are.
One way couples can keep drama under control is by setting rules for the big day.
Here are some of my favorites.
No (or only some) kids allowed
If you're on the fence about inviting kids, set an age limit (10 and over, etc.) and tell any guests with younger kids that theirs have to stay home.
It might seem cutthroat and disrespectful, but I've seen far too many weddings where the couple is frustrated because babies are crying during the vows or kids are throwing temper tantrums at the reception.
Of course, you're allowed to make exceptions. Your 4-year-old niece can be the only kid there or your three best friends can bring their babies. It's up to you how to enforce it.
Set speech limits and control the mic
Wedding toasts can add a dash of emotion to the reception, but a simple cheers is different from a 30-minute speech.
Determine exactly how many speeches you want at your reception and give those people a time limit between three and five minutes.
I've also seen drunk and unruly guests grab the microphone from the DJ and give impromptu toasts that leave the couple flushed or in tears (for the wrong reasons).
Alert your DJ of potential mic grabbers and make sure they can cut the sound if that happens.
No traditions are required
If there's a tradition that seems outdated or makes you uncomfortable, skip it.
The garter toss, traditionally when the groom removes the bride's garter from her leg, can feel inappropriate or unfitting for some couples.
The bouquet toss, traditionally when the bride tosses her bouquet to the unmarried women at the party, can feel offensive to your single guests.
Always ditch anything that doesn't fit your personality, values, or vibe.
Cash-only gifts
It might sound taboo, but I really value couples who ask for exactly what they want for their wedding. One rule that's becoming quite popular with couples is asking for cash.
Since so many couples now live together before they get married, they aren't necessarily in need of a robust registry of household items and kitchen appliances.
Setting a cash-only rule lets guests contribute to house, honeymoon, or future-project funds.
Limit to conversations with guests to 3 minutes
At your wedding, everyone is excited to see you, which means you might find yourself stuck in 10- to 15-minute conversations with friends and family.
That time adds up, and before you know it, the wedding is over and you haven't had anything to eat or drink.
One couple told me they set a three-minute conversation rule, and then they'd move to the next group. They're one of the few couples I felt really made the most out of their reception.
Make a pact to not leave each other's side
One of the most shocking things I regularly notice at weddings is how little time the couple actually spends with each other. Most of the time, one person is pulled away to talk to family members while the other is on the dance floor with friends.
One rule a couple put in place years ago really stuck with me. They made a pact that they wouldn't leave each other's side for more than two minutes all night.
Commit to a 15-minute private moment
One of the best things couples can add to their wedding timeline is a 15-minute private moment after the ceremony.
As cocktail hour begins, the couple can sneak off to the bridal suite and enjoy a few moments alone to catch up, take a deep breath, and enjoy each other's company before the party starts.
Most couples I work with do this, and it makes a big difference in their mood and stamina. I've also heard couples say it was the most memorable part of the day because it was one of their only chances to be completely alone at their own wedding.
Save plus-ones for serious partners only
One of the hardest parts of planning a wedding is curating the guest list.
There can be pressure from everyone who has opinions about who should be at your special day. And friends aren't always shy about begging for a plus-one.
A great rule I've seen couples make for small weddings is limiting plus-ones to serious partners, like those who are married or engaged.
Host an open-door after-party
To help appease anyone who didn't land an invite to the wedding, I've seen several couples open up their after-party to any plus-one their guests wanted to bring.
That way, they can keep their wedding intimate and still accommodate the dates their guests are eager to bring.