- Lil Nas X recently released a song accompanied by a note to his younger self about his sexuality.
- I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky today's kids are to have a role model like Lil Nas X.
- For
Trans Day of Visibility , I penned a letter to my 14-year-old closeted trans self.
Since becoming a viral sensation with "Old Town Road," Lil Nas X has used his platform to advocate for the validity of his identity as a gay man.
That came to a head recently following the release of a new song and music video, "MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)," which featured him succumbing to sin in the Garden of Eve and ultimately being sent to hell.
Lil Nas X, whose real name is Montero Hill, released the song alongside a letter to his 14-year-old self. It discussed his internal childhood struggles with his homosexuality, and how he's reckoned with that post-fame with his newfound platform.
The music video of him pole dancing into hell before giving the devil a lap dance certainly makes for a horny and evocative display - and has every single corner of the internet talking. But I can't stop thinking about that damn Notes App message, and how lucky kids and young adults are to have a queer media figure who's not on the wrong side of the joke.
I didn't have a trans role model growing up - hell, I didn't even know what the word "trans" meant for the first half of my life. Men dressing up as women on television and the silver screen was always portrayed as something to laugh over.
All I ever wanted growing up was someone, anyone, to do what Lil Nas X did and tell his younger self that everything would be okay, and that my identity was worth fighting for.
So for Trans Day of Visibility this year, I finally did.
-nope (@LilNasX) March 26, 2021
Dear 14-year-old Madison,
The closet's pretty f------g rough, ain't it?
Your body's changing, but it's not what you thought it would be. You're jealous of the women around you turning into the person you wish you could be.
It's okay. You'll get the body you dreamed of soon enough.
You don't need to go to bed with fear in your heart every night. You don't need to fall asleep in class because you stayed up all night to scour the internet trying to find out more about trans people like yourself.
We both know that Mom and Dad will support us no matter what. It's normal that you're afraid of embarrassing them, but I promise our family will be our biggest allies in this fight and they'll love you just the same.
While you'll succeed in sports and captain your high school lacrosse team, you're going to find your home in theatre and improv. It may pain you to your core that you'll never be cast in a female role, but you'll find comfort in playing the role of anyone but yourself. That will be your escape from the world.
Even the newest, most lavish cars hit potholes and get scuffed along the way. Your transition will be no different. Before you're ready, some dickwad you went to high school with is going to out you to your former classmates. As awful as it sounds, you'll live.
Eventually, you're going to luck into making college friends with the warmest souls who will ensure you'll be alright. In fact, you'll go to Las Vegas and have the opportunity to party as yourself for the first time with the comfort of knowing that it's likely the tamest thing anyone sees there all year.
And yes, all of this means you'll need to buck up the courage to be out at work as well.
But while that's terrifying, you'll have a fantastic mentor in college who will give you some of the best advice you'll ever receive: "If your company doesn't support your identity, then they're ultimately not a place you'll ever be happy at, and you shouldn't give them the time of day."
I know we promised that we would hide our secret, that we would never be that person, but you're going to need to take the leap. The path to happiness isn't linear, and at times you will crash and burn, but finally being comfortable in your skin is a gift that I'll let you discover for yourself. It's worth it.
Life will get better. You're worthy of love.
I love you.
- MLH