- I'm a mom of two and my husband is a great dad but not so great at making appointments.
- I'm in charge of all of our schedules and have learned that I need to overcommunicate.
Each morning, I wake with hair tousled, eyes wide, and panicked as I reach for my phone to check the calendar. Did I forget something? What's today's agenda? It's endless; it's exhausting; and oh, I'm also the only one to consider all the cogs that need to stay in motion.
My husband's great — couldn't have asked for a better partner. But he's not a great multi-tasker and can't make an appointment to save his life. Statistically, most partnerships are like this. One person takes on more responsibilities for scheduling and coordinating for the family. It's a lot, though, and it can take a physical and mental toll on the de facto administrative assistant in the family.
He loves interacting with our kids and has no problem handling the less fun parenting tasks. But I can't expect him to make doctor appointments, sign them up for activities, plan a summer trip, and forget about it. Here's what works for us when it comes to coordinating four schedules.
Communicate with each other
According to Better Health Channel, we all have unique communication methods and needs. Couples need to determine how to best communicate with each other in order to avoid little problems and irritants turning into gasket-blowing issues.
As much as I want to huff and puff and make passive-aggressive comments until he gets it, this helps no one. I take a deep breath, perhaps sitting on the floor of my closet, cramming a fistful of gummy bears into my mouth, and then ask him to chat.
If I'm overwhelmed, I say so. If I need help, I ask for it. We then go through the calendar and divvy up responsibilities. Usually, once I make my needs known, we are a cohesive machine ready to partner together.
Creating lists
Psychology Today recommends creating lists to help with productivity and order. It states that writing a list actually helps with memory because it externalizes what we need to remember. And lists can help us multi-task since we are ticking off a sequential order of tasks performed one at a time but done quickly.
Lists are my favorite thing. My Notes app is loaded with lists. And a great tool is that I can share a note on the app with my husband, so he can access it and add to it. This is particularly helpful with daily to-do lists and grocery lists.
And if he forgets to look at a list, a gentle digital nudge never hurt anyone.
We share calendars
I also love my calendar. Everything goes on my calendar. Work stuff. Family stuff. Personal stuff. It's easy; it's accessible, and it's one of the first things I look at each day. As any manager knows, calendars are lifelines when it comes to coordinating schedules.
I share everything to my husband's work calendar. He doesn't use a personal calendar, and his work one is one of the few things he checks daily. The minute I schedule something, I share it. Even things like the kids' field trips or special days at school, like "dress as a farmer day," I share so he knows.
As I tell my kids, we don't control other people, we only control ourselves. It's in my nature to take charge. A partnership involves teamwork; sometimes, one of the partners needs to figure out the best way to make teamwork happen.