I'm a teacher and a parent. My advice to other parents is not to make kids do homework straight after school.

• Laura Linn Knight taught in elementary schools for five years and has two children of her own.
• Here she shares tips for parents when it comes to homework and when to have kids do theirs.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Laura Linn Knight. It has been edited for length and clarity.

After teaching in elementary schools for five years, I thought I would easily be able to manage my own children, but after having two, I quickly found out parenting was a very different skill from teaching. I found myself getting caught in power struggles with toddlers and couldn't understand why they wouldn't listen to me. I remember reacting often with yelling, and after some time, I thought there had to be another way.

I started immersing myself in parenting books, trying to find theoretical and practical ways I could create a calm home, which led me to train to become a certified positive-discipline educator. I felt like our home had become a place of peace again as I used the tools I had learned, but then my kids started coming home from school with homework.

I found they didn't have the stamina to sit with me and learn. They were exhausted from a day of education. They would both get really frustrated with me.

"I already know how to do this," they would say. "I don't want you to tell me how to do this. Can I get some water? I just need to sharpen my pencil."

I was a trained teacher who should've been able to get her kids to do their homework without a battle, but it wasn't working. There were tantrums, resistance, and tears.

That was the point I knew things had to change.

We worked as a family to find a solution

I called a family meeting around the kitchen table and told the kids I noticed homework had been really tough for everyone.

"I want to come up with a plan together so we can get homework done and make sure you feel supported to get it done," I told them.

We came up with a plan that we tried for a few weeks. It didn't work. We went back to the family table and decided on another.

Each day, the kids would come home from school, have a quick snack, play with each other or friends, do their homework, and then have dinner. This plan worked — they decompressed and refueled before starting on their homework.

Here's what I recommend

There's no one recipe for every family, but here are some tips for figuring out your after-school routine.

Have a family meeting. Parents often think that by collaborating with their kids, they are releasing control and authority, but collaboration is known to make those included feel heard and valued. When children feel they aren't just being told what to do, they are more likely to want to participate.

Ask them what they think would help them get their homework done. Obviously, you'll need to set up some boundaries for this. For example, your kids may want to do homework in front of the TV. That is something that you can almost guarantee isn't going to work. Make a plan together, try out that plan, and reassess it after a set amount of time.

Always make sure they have had a snack. You want to make sure kids have fuel to do the work they are being asked to do.

As the parent, ensure you are going into homework time in a relaxed state. Parents set the tone, and when they are regulated and calm, it is more likely the children will be, too. Take time to take a few deep breaths alone to decompress before helping your child complete their homework.

Give your child time to decompress after school. That may look like playing soccer, building a Lego set, or doing imaginative play. Their brains and bodies need that time to settle before being expected to work.

Try to make it fun. I find this really difficult, but my husband is really good at it. Homework is meant to be a review of things already taught and learned, so bring a bit of silliness to it. Get creative with ways you can complete the homework.

Homework gives parents another chance to spend time with their children. Life gets busy, but homework has to get done. As hard as it sometimes is, try to remember that homework isn't just a chore but also dedicated time to spend time with your child.