I'm a subway driver. The worst part is the danger — and that anyone could jump on the tracks in front of me.

• Insider spoke with a train operator who has worked for the NYC Transit Authority since 2009.
• The operator had to memorize over 30 traffic signals and take an exam to get the job.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with a NYC-based train operator. They spoke on condition of anonymity to protect their job, but their employment has been verified by Insider. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I've been a train operator with the New York City Transit Authority, otherwise known as the NYCT, since 2009. My mother is a NYCT train operator herself, and she was insistent that I take the exam for it.

At the time, I was working in IT making good money — about $65,000 per year. My mother was adamant that I take the test, but I declined when I realized that my starting pay with NYCT would be a $12,000 pay cut. She signed me up without my knowledge and paid the $48 testing fee. She gave me a choice: either take the exam or repay her $48. Her logic was that if I was going to have to repay her the fee, I might as well take the exam.

After I passed the exam, I was put on a waitlist for a job opening

The first time my name was called for the position was in 2007, but I didn't want to take the pay cut and ended up declining. Years later, after my job did some downsizing, I decided to take the position with NYCT. My first day was exciting because working as a train operator was something new and totally different than any kind of job I had before.

Training was tough. I had no previous knowledge, and all the new information was overwhelming. It was also stressful because before I could even begin moving a train on the mainline tracks, I had to memorize 30 to 40 train signals that are used to control traffic in the subway system and pass a signal exam.

One of my proudest moments was successfully operating an R68A model train on wet rails in the middle of autumn

This model train, especially during that time of year, is one of the most difficult to master because it has the most challenging braking system.

The R68A requires knowledge of how the braking system works, attention to the movement and feel of the train, and proactive awareness of the environment to make a proper station stop. Learning how to master the operation of this train gave me a great sense of accomplishment.

My days are very long, and I always have to be on high alert as a train operator

I work from 2:45 p.m. to midnight, and my commute each way is two and a half hours. For me to get anything personal done, I have to either go to bed late or wake up earlier.

One of the biggest challenges as a train operator is going to work knowing that today could be the day someone jumps or gets pushed in front of my train. Every time I enter a station, it's an opportunity for such a tragedy to happen.

The worst part of the job is the danger that comes with it. I can do everything right and still get injured because of the negligence of others. The work itself is inherently dangerous because 40 tons of steel is deadly at any speed. On top of that, there's always the chance of experiencing the dangers of riding public transportation.

Working during the COVID-19 pandemic added an additional layer of stress

As an essential worker, I was required to be at work. Many of us were afraid to be there, especially in the early days between March and June 2020. I am somewhat of a germaphobe, and the pandemic only increased that phobia. I don't share anything now, but that doesn't remove the danger of dealing with the public. I remember riders breaching the six-foot space, required for social distancing, to ask questions. Many were offended when I asked them to step back.

I have approximately 12 to 13 years to go before retirement. The commute alone takes so much out of me, and I often think that there must be more to life. I'm looking forward to resigning on my own terms, because working as a train operator has made me realize that I want to live life more abundantly.