I'm a queer mom and my daughter has decided to attend an anti-gay Bible college. I'm still struggling to understand her choice.

• My oldest daughter struggled to accept my queerness, so she went to live with my evangelical mother.
• I learned my daughter now plans on attending an anti-gay and anti-trans Bible college in Texas.

I remember writing in my middle-school diary a set of rules for when I would become a parent one day. In painstaking cursive, I wrote, "Love my kids for who they are."

As a child myself, I wasn't always accepted by my family, and it was expected that I conform to their ideas of who I should be. I grew up in an evangelical household in rural Washington. I was expected to marry a man of God, raise his children, and live a church-approved life.

But at 33, I came out as queer. Turns out, I'm a sex-positive queer, a burlesque dancer who likes to make audiences uncomfortable with my raunchy, politically charged acts, and I'm a single mom with a propensity for cursing.

I allowed myself to embrace who I am. Now as a mother of two, I'm embracing my kids for exactly who they are. I have always fostered my children's independence, wanting them to be who they are and not a reflection of me.

But nothing prepared me for when my daughter announced she was going to a Bible college that is openly anti-gay and anti-trans.

My daughter struggled to accept our queer family from an early age

My youngest child came out as nonbinary at 7 years old, and I'm an openly queer mother. My oldest daughter struggled with being seen as different by her peers for having a queer mom and a nonbinary younger sibling.

She asked me multiple times, through tears, why she couldn't just have a "normal" family. While it pained me to hear, I also knew how cruel children can be, especially in a somewhat conservative town like the one we lived in.

She needed something different than what I could give her; she needed an environment that was more in line with who she was as an individual. At the start of sixth grade, my daughter moved in with my mom. This was an extremely difficult decision to make, and my feelings about it are complicated. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my daughter immensely. But I knew that at the time, it was the best option for her.

Soon after, she began regularly attending the evangelical church I grew up in, going to a Christian school, and socializing almost exclusively with people connected to her congregation.

While it is not a life I live — nor a life I would have chosen for my daughter — it was one that worked well for her, and so I accepted it. I did not have to agree with her choices or have the same value system in order to love her.

My daughter chose to attend a Bible college that preaches anti-trans and anti-gay ideals

My daughter has now lived with my mom for nearly seven years and is just months away from graduating high school. Given her involvement in the church, I wasn't surprised when I found out she plans to attend a Bible college in Texas. She isn't really sure what she wants to do for a career or what she wants to study, so taking a year or two to attend a Bible college program makes sense.

But when I researched the college, wanting to know more about what she would be studying, I stumbled across the student handbook. There, on page eight, was a statement that floored me: "Behaviors, lifestyles, and sexual misconduct such as … homosexuality, bisexual or transsexual conduct, same-sex marriage … lesbianism … transgender, any attempt to change one's gender or appear as the opposite gender, or disagreement with one's biological gender is sin, offensive, an abomination, and detestable to God." It goes on to say that such lifestyles are "deplorable, intolerable, and offensive."

Abomination. Deplorable. Offensive.

These are words I've heard regarding my queerness throughout my life; the same words my nonbinary child has heard since coming out. These are the same words I think most queer or trans people have heard at some point.

But these words sit differently knowing that your daughter is going to be attending a school that blatantly declares them. They sit differently knowing it's possible that your daughter also believes them.

I am now faced with knowing my daughter's beliefs may mean she doesn't accept who I am

I still stand behind my belief that it's imperative I allow my children to be who they are in the world. But I'm heartbroken. I'm heartbroken for myself, for my younger child who is now questioning the beliefs of their sister, and for my older daughter, who I imagine must be internally wrestling with loving her family while having a value system that rejects us.

I'm at a loss for what to do about all of this. The internet is full of articles about how to deal with parents who aren't accepting of your queer identity, but it's barren when you search "how to navigate having a child who doesn't accept you."

I find myself drawing a blank; this is not something parenting books prepared me for. This is a journey that is going to involve a lot of hard conversations and difficult choices — for myself and for both of my children.

But in the meantime, I return to the advice of my middle-school self — the advice I've been following since I started parenting. While I cannot accept the hurtful and hateful views of the college my daughter has chosen to attend, I can continue to — and always will — love my daughter for who she is.