I'm a mom of 3, and my best friends are all childfree. They help me be a better parent.

• I'm a mom of three and my three best friends don't have kids.
• When I struggled with postpartum depression they would send meals to help out.

A few weeks after my third baby was born, I sent out a cry for help in a group chat with my three childfree best friends.

"I need someone to come hold the baby from 6 to 7 a.m. so I can get just one more hour of sleep," my text read.

I was mostly complaining, sending a silent scream out into the universe while my husband and I struggled with our new reality of being outnumbered. But to my surprise, a few days later, one of those friends showed up on my doorstep in Kansas — three hours away from her home in Iowa.

"I'm here to hold the baby!" she said.

To say I was grateful is an understatement. But I wasn't particularly surprised or shocked. This wasn't the first time this friend or the other two in the chat have supported me through a particularly tough phase of parenting.

When I was struggling with postpartum depression after my first child was born, they regularly sent meals to our house. Years later, after my second child was born, they called me on video chat and read a story to my toddler while I tried to calm a fussy infant. They check in with me on the kids' developmental milestones, call on their birthdays, and even remember parts of their medical histories that sometimes slip my mind, like who had the most ear infections last winter.

By taking away some of the burden of always needing to be "on" as a mom, my friends give me the space to recharge and meet my kids with patience and grace. In short, my childfree best friends have become the village I rely on. Their support is a big reason I'm able to be the kind of parent I want to be.

The challenges of maintaining friendships as a parent

Our bond is in stark contrast to the tension often felt between friends when one embarks on a parenting journey, and another does not. Research shows that the strength and quality of friendships often decrease after people become parents due in large part to the ways raising children drastically changes a person's lifestyle and limits their time.

Societal expectations can also create friction between those who choose to parent and those who don't. Women who choose not to have children are often stigmatized, ridiculed, and constantly told they are missing out on something that will "complete their lives" as if they aren't complete enough just as they are.

On the other hand, women who become mothers are held to impossible standards of perfection in a country with no paid parental leave or subsidized childcare. Given the pressure both childfree women and mothers feel, it makes sense these two groups might come to resent each other. I was worried my friends and I might experience this — the cracks that can appear in even the strongest bonds when people are living very different lives. But we've only become closer since I became a mom seven years ago.

Understanding these dynamics and honoring each other's choices is what I think sets my group of friends apart. They never hold it against me when I'm unable to respond to text messages for a couple of days. And I try to recognize they also have full, busy lives and don't expect them to always visit me without me going to them every once in a while, too.

But more importantly, they see firsthand how uniquely draining parenting is and find ways to lighten my load without me having to ask. And I acknowledge their lives can be draining too, but in different ways. Our interactions are never a competition of who has it worse or who is the most fulfilled, but rather an acknowledgment that our lives are different, and that's OK.

We encourage each other to honor what is best for each of us, which for them is not to raise kids of their own. Instead of gushing about how "magical" my life is with kids, I tell them instead how valid and worthy their choice not to parent is. In many ways, I admire them for forging their own paths in a world that tells women motherhood should be their highest calling.

My kids also benefit from my strong friendships

After spending a few days at my house, I hugged my friend tight as we said our goodbyes on the front porch. "I never would have been able to do this if I had my own baby," she said, and I laughed and nodded. She was right. My other parenting friends were so busy rocking their own babies that they would not have been able to spend five days rocking mine.

My heart ached as I watched her drive off, and not necessarily because I would miss the physical help she provided, but because of what my kids would miss, too. During her time with us, their eyes lit up when she asked about their favorite toys or offered to read them a book.

It's the genuine interest, love, and adoration my childfree best friends show my kids that makes me wonder how in the world I deserve them. Because when they take the time to see my kids, really see them, and get to know who they are, they see me for who I really am too.