I'm a dad and an expat. Here's how I'm raising third culture kids.

• Third culture kids are kids being raised in neither of their parents' home countries and cultures.
• We had to choose which language to speak at home and which language they would go to school in.

I'm a US citizen living in Singapore with my wife and two boys. I was previously a high school teacher, working with a lot of third culture kids. When we realized our boys would be raised as third culture kids, I wanted to make sure we were intentional about giving them the tools they need to avoid common problems these kids face — especially when it comes to identity.

Third culture kids are children who don't grow up in either parent's dominant culture. While my wife and I are both American and both fluent in Mandarin and English, my wife's heritage culture is Chinese, and mine is American. We had a lot of important decisions to make as parents because we knew that raising third culture kids meant our boys would develop some serious superpowers as well as face unique challenges when understanding their place in the world.

The first big decision was which language we were going to speak in the home

We lived in the US when my first son was born, so we spoke Mandarin at home. This would give our kids the power of being multilingual with the ability to switch between two languages. However, that didn't go according to plan. Before my eldest son was a year old, we moved from the US to China.

Out of habit, we continued to speak Mandarin at home, which horrified my American parents when they came to visit. Their almost 2-year-old grandson was fluent in Chinese but couldn't speak or understand even simple English. Without the power to speak or understand English, my son stood the chance of losing his connection to his heritage and, eventually, his identity.

To rebalance his language development, we started speaking English with our kids at home. Now that we live in Singapore, the kids also speak English at school, making English their dominant language — even though Chinese was their first language.

While it's a lot of work to maintain multiple languages in our home, it's required for our kids to connect with their heritage, as well as navigate the world easier. This gives them the freedom to choose what language they want to speak when they're older, on top of giving them a greater sense of belonging wherever they may be.

We also knew it was important to keep our kids connected to their heritage

Every year, we aim to take our kids to both of their heritage countries — US and China. That way, they know they live in Singapore, but they're from two other different countries.

Part of how we help our kids connect to their roots is by talking about their home cultures. My son says he's American and also Chinese. He thinks it's cool that he's from two places. This changes the understanding of "home" for my kids. Instead of home being a place or a specific country, home is where our family is. The goal is to give my kids a sense of home everywhere in the world, as opposed to nowhere in the world.

But identity can be rooted in core values instead of geography

We work to ensure they have the language skills, cultural awareness, and self-awareness that will allow them to explore their core values so that they won't be caged into a false identity chosen for them by their peer group.

Unlike children who grow up in the same town, with the same minds and the same expectations, when my children start to seek out their own identity, they won't find it in their community. That's why their identity needs to be rooted in their core values rather than geography.

Because we've prioritized our children maintaining their multicultural ties through language and experiences, we've intentionally created a space where our children are free to explore who they are. This freedom will help shape their sense of self and keep them rooted in their core values, and hopefully ease identity-based struggles in their teenage years.