- I recently attended a kid's birthday party. By early afternoon everyone went home for a nap.
- It made me realize how nice it is to have an end time on a hangout.
When was the last time you decided to hang out with someone with a clearly defined end time?
Big events like weddings, sure, but for the most part, plans among friends have a start time. The end time is nebulous and things can get drawn out more than you'd like.
Enter kids. Their parties, their playdates, and their socializing comes with a defined period of time. Kids need to nap at certain times or have their meals at a specific time. They can only sustain socialization for so long before they start getting irritable and conk out.
I was at a toddler's birthday party recently, and the festivities came to a halt around 1 p.m. It was beautiful, it was magical, it felt like I was touching the heavens. My adult friends and I looked at each other with profound awe at this newfound freedom — you mean plans can just end? Things don't need to peter out?
We could learn something from kids, who almost always have a predetermined end time for their hangouts
I have found myself in many situations over the years where the first couple of hours of a hangout were super fun and full of lively conversation. Then, there's an inevitable drop-off period where things are notably less interesting and the desire to go lie down on your couch.
There's an episode in season nine of "Friends" — "The One with Rachel's Phone Number" — that brilliantly captures this predicament; Ross and Mike decide to hang out, pretty instantly regret it, and end up waiting it out for far too long.
Once you start hitting that 2.5 to 3-hour mark, you start getting diminishing returns on the socializing. You can see this on the scientific chart below, where 10 means, "I would literally let the Academy rescind one of Cate Blanchett's Oscars if I could be on my couch right this second."
Can't you just leave? Sure, but an end time would be much more elegant.
It's awkward to be the first one to leave, but that brave soul is always the most appreciated. And instead of making this a question of individual valor, we should collectively decide when we want the plans to end. Even a guestimate — "let's hang out until roughly 10" — is a lifesaver and gives people an out if they want one.
Plus, for those of you who like to plan out your day, it's a huge game changer. With no uncertainty about when things will wrap up, you can make other plans, run errands, or do chores around the house if you want.
So, let's take a lesson from the kids and commit to a season of knowing exactly how long your summer days and summer nights will be.