I was tired of dating apps, so I went speed dating. I was surprised when I actually enjoyed it.
- My friend suggested we go speed dating and I was very against it at first.
- But, since I'm also tired of dating apps, I decided to give speed dating a chance.
When my friend and fellow divorcee suggested we should try speed dating, my initial reaction was, "Anything but that." I'd seen speed dating on TV, and it did not look like something that would be fun for anyone involved, let alone me, who has yet to enjoy the whole "dating in my 30s" thing.
But I'm also really sick of dating apps.
Under duress, I agreed to speed dating. Turns out they're having a resurgence. The company that ran ours, called Luvvly, had gotten some good local press and claims to have made speed dating a more pleasant, less awkward experience.
To my great surprise and delight, they did.
I had 7 dates in one night
My friend and I showed up at a bar at 6:30 p.m. on a weeknight. Everyone participating got a text with a first name and physical description that we all had provided to the unseen, remote host. Once you found your date, you had 10 minutes to chat. The host texted you two guiding questions per date, and on each date, you got two new questions.
At the end of the evening, which for me consisted of seven dates and one intermission, you fill out a Google form. If you want to see them again, you check their name and, if they also checked yours, you get their contact information the next day and can arrange a proper date on your own.
My dates were fun
As someone who generally doesn't have social anxiety — no matter what the therapist said — but who has significant dating anxiety, the structure, and the limitations worked really well for me. The stress of dating for me is partially a fear of being perceived and found wanting. This still exists in the speed dating framework, of course, because you can find out at the end of the experience that no one you liked liked you.
The social aspect of being able to go alone or with a friend and then check in with each other, compare notes, commiserate, or celebrate is also a huge plus. The low pressure of the speed dating system made me feel like if someone didn't like me, I was OK with that, and if they liked my friend, it was OK because my time investment in them didn't feel like a waste or a huge rejection.
Going to parts unknown with a stranger is also, for many women, myself included, a fear. The speed dating system takes away the planning, execution, time issues, and does ensure some sense of safety. Should you need to speak to someone regarding someone at speed dating, they have their full name and credit card info.
In the end, I had two "maybes," which I ended up checking on my Google form. My friend and I spotted one of them after the event hanging out with a woman he'd met that night. "Good for him," we said, and moved on. Regarding the other one, who I liked but who didn't like me back, I didn't feel like I was losing much. I'd thought him adequate after 10 minutes and wasn't mad that he didn't find me adequate enough to check my name off on a box.
Immediately, my friend and I wanted to sign up to do it again. The other company in town, which has branches in other cool cities like San Diego and Austin, had a brunch-time event for professionals in our age range. It sold out in minutes, so we're still on the lookout for our next round.
I predict that, in the age of app fatigue and remote work, structured events like speed dating are going to make a giant comeback.