- Years ago, I took my then-toddler on a six-hour flight from Montreal to Los Angeles.
- I planned as best as I could, including accommodating a nap and bringing snacks and many toys.
Ten years ago, I flew from Montreal to Los Angeles to see family. I knew that the six-hour flight would be tricky for my energetic 4-year-old, so I planned as best I could: I booked a morning flight so he could nap en route. I selected the last row to be near the bathroom. I had lots of snacks and a new toy stashed in my purse. I had headphones and would allow unlimited screen time.
I was not traveling alone with my son: my husband and teenage daughter were there too. Overall, the conditions were the best they could be, but I still worried that the flight would be difficult. I am a people pleaser, and I felt stressed about my son disturbing other passengers.
I thought the flight went well
My son did really well on the flight. He napped for half the flight, snacked, and played with his new toy. He was delighted to have screen time. He asked a lot of questions but didn't cry or have a tantrum.
In his enthusiasm, he kicked the seat in front of him once, but I calmly explained that someone was sitting there. He did not kick it again. When the plane landed at LAX, I was proud of myself and my son.
The couple in front of us was mad
As everyone stood up, waiting to exit the plane, the gentleman in front of us turned and smiled at me. We hadn't interacted during the flight, but I figured he was being friendly. Then he said, "What's wrong with him anyway?"
"Excuse me?" I asked, confused by his comment.
He pointed to my 4-year-old and said, "What's wrong with him? Is he deaf or something?"
"No, he's not deaf," I said but didn't know what else to say. I suddenly realized the man was angry. His wife was glaring at me.
The man continued, "He was kicking my wife's seat the whole flight."
Now I was confused because that was simply not true. My son had napped for three hours, and I had worked hard to entertain him the rest of the time. Still, I felt shame wash over me. I was being publicly criticized for my parenting. My son was being criticized for… I didn't know what, but the man's question about deafness was meant as an insult.
I was confused because I thought the flight had gone well. If this couple had been unhappy the whole time, why didn't they indicate it sooner? Why did they wait until we were getting off the plane?
I stayed speechless, and the conversation ended. My husband, standing behind me and the kids, told me later that he couldn't hear the man's comments over the noise of the engines. I was expecting my husband to retort with something, but it's better that it didn't escalate into a full confrontation. In any case, the man had targeted his comments towards me, the mother.
10 years later, I still think about this experience
Ten years and two more kids later, I still think about that interaction. It no longer makes me feel ashamed, but it makes me think about the balance that exists in life. I have helped people, and I have needed help. I have felt annoyed by others, and I have certainly been annoying. As humans, we are all living this messy thing called life, sometimes in close proximity to each other. It necessitates less anger and more grace.
I hope never to be the angry person on the plane. Instead, I hope to be like the person sitting across from us that day, who happened to be an actor that we recognized from TV. As we exited the airport in Los Angeles, he walked by us and said, "Just ignore that guy. Your son did great."