I tried Whole30 to heal my relationship with food. Instead, I experienced disordered eating after I finished the program.

• I tried the Whole30 diet hoping to find more freedom in my relationship with food.
• I felt less guilt around food while on Whole30, and more in control.

After hearing rave reviews from friends, I decided to try the Whole30 diet.

The program is based on elimination: For 30 days, eat only whole fruits, vegetables, and unprocessed meat and eggs. The brand's website says: "Millions of people have transformed their health, habits, and relationship with food through the Whole30 program; eliminating cravings, improving energy and sleep, relieving symptoms, and discovering lasting food freedom."

Excited by the prospects of achieving "food freedom," while losing the 10 pounds motherhood had graced me with that I'd had a hard time losing, I loaded up on the suggested foods and followed the rules for 30 days.

I completed the program, and it made me feel good — at first

My energy levels plummeted before the first bag of sweet potatoes was depleted. I could run only 2 miles, when 8 was my norm. I slumped into the couch each afternoon, sapped of energy. The Whole30 daily diary informed me this was my body in withdrawal from the supposed "bad" things: sugar and carbs. I felt as though I should be proud of myself for making this positive life change, even though I felt like garbage.

I became less social, avoiding situations around foods that were forbidden on the protocol. On date night, I watched my husband eat fettuccine Alfredo, while I ate my plain grilled asparagus and unseasoned tuna steak. My husband's food looked delicious, and I felt powerful resisting the temptation of mere mortals.

My doctor smiled when she heard I completed the program.

"That program is difficult," she said, "Good for you!"

In her notes about my diet, she wrote, "It is very clean." Friends complimented me on my weight loss.

I started to notice that my relationship with food had changed, and not in a good way

Guilt I had previously felt about food disappeared during this period because I was eating only "good" foods. At the end of the 30 days, there was a reintroduction period for foods that had been cut out so I could see how my body tolerated them.

But when the time came to bring these foods back into my diet, the familiar guilt came back, too. I felt like I shouldn't want to eat these things anymore. And when I did enjoy them, my anxiety skyrocketed. This wasn't what I'd been promised by Whole30 — it was supposed to bring me food freedom. Instead, eating became stressful as I debated which "good" foods I should eat, while trying to override my desire for "bad" foods.

Rather than feeling in control around the foods I eliminated while on the program, I was left feeling out of control. And feeling out of control brought on shame, which led to bingeing, which led to more shame. Food went from being a way to fuel myself to a morally loaded subject, and if I binged, or ate something that was deemed "bad," I was a sinner. I failed.

I did the program again to see if it would help, but I felt only more out of control

I was convinced I just needed more time to get to a place of freedom, so I did the program a second time. Again, I felt safe while on the program and out of control off the program. When I talked with a therapist about the stress I was experiencing, she asked, "Do you think you have an eating disorder?"

I grimaced at this suggestion. I never thought I would have an eating disorder — I always told myself I liked food too much for that to happen.

"I don't think I have an eating disorder," I said slowly, "but my relationship with food is certainly disordered."

I've figured out an approach to eating that works for me

I realized that though I hadn't thought my relationship with food was unhealthy, much of my life has been spent trying to make my body "better."

When I recognized this, I switched to an intuitive eating approach and started listening to my body about what it needs. Now I nap when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, and move when I want to move.

This is not to say I don't struggle. It almost can't be avoided — unfortunately, just like you, I live in a world full of messaging that tells me I am not enough. It says: If I would just try a little harder, spend a little more money, and starve myself a little more, I would achieve happiness. But I didn't feel happy listening to those messages, and I didn't feel in control. Now, I'm taking control back for myself.

Editor's note: When reached for comment, Melissa Urban, Whole30's cofounder and CEO, said, "The Whole30 isn't right for everyone. Any dietary restriction, including that which you'd find in an elimination program like the Whole30, can be triggering. This is especially true for people with a history of disordered eating. We caution anyone with that history not to do the Whole30 unless it's specifically prescribed by and supervised by your healthcare provider. In addition, if anyone doing the Whole30 discovers that the program is taking them to an unhealthy place, we recommend they stop the program immediately and seek support from a therapist or counselor."