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I'd stayed at one other five-star resort before, so I thought I knew what to expect. But it wasn't a Four Seasons, and it wasn't this Four Seasons.
After checking into the famous hotel — where the first season of Mike White's hit HBO show was filmed — I found a whole other echelon of luxury and comfort, where every detail seemed to be taken care of and guests' needs were anticipated before they could even think of having them.
From a poolside massage menu to a built-in music dial in the bathroom (yes, really), these details made me feel like Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge).
Editor's note: Insider received a discounted media rate for the one-night stay.
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The A-list treatment at the Four Seasons Maui at Wailea began before I'd even stepped inside the hotel thanks to its valet service and lei greeting.
A stay at the Four Seasons Maui at Wailea begins with valet service and a lei greeting.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
At the entrance, some guests posed by an Instagrammable foliage wall and sign for the resort. Naturally, I made my husband take a photo of me.
Having one of many Tanya McQuoid moments.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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Even before our room was ready, we could enjoy the hotel at our leisure and even had access to a suite with showers and a lounge.
The Aloha Suite's lounge area.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
Our hotel room — a deluxe ocean-view room on the hotel's sixth floor — was by far the nicest I'd stayed in.
Who needs the Pineapple Suite when you have this view?Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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I was blown away by the bathroom.
The LED mirrors of my dreams.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
And the toiletries! I forgot my hair tools, but somehow the shampoo and conditioner worked some kind of magic on my mane.
The toiletries at the Four Seasons made me feel like I was at a spa.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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Inside the closet, there was a beach tote for guests to use during their stay.
The beach tote came in handy for all my poolside essentials.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
After looking around the room, we were greeted with fresh pineapple served with pineapple juice. It made us feel like we were in the Pineapple Suite.
The Pineapple Suite is a state of mind.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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Next to the bed, there was a tablet to order in-room dining, book dinner reservations and spa appointments, and more.
You could order everything from steak to a shave via the tablet.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
The refillable water bottles were a nice touch in the bar area, as were the paper coffee cups which I grabbed on my way out the next morning.
I appreciated the refillable water bottles.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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The Serenity Pool was by far the most luxurious pool I've seen. There were even poolside spa treatments.
I channeled my inner Rachel Patton as I took a dip.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
While I didn't opt for a poolside massage, I did get one right by the ocean. At the risk of sounding like Tanya McQuoid, it was one of the best treatments I've had.
Tanya McQuoid would be proud.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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If the pool or spa isn't your thing, there are tennis and pickleball courts, a TopGolf swing suite, a games room, a gym, and you can have a Peloton sent to your room.
Pickleball, anyone?Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
I was delighted to find the food at the resort wasn't the typical resort fare. Even a light lunch felt fancy.
A guava lemonade and seafood Cobb salad at Ferraro's Bar e Ristorante.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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In the evening, we dined alongside a celebrity at the same restaurant where the "White Lotus" cast would hang out after filming.
It felt like my birthday all over again.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
In the morning, we faced a breakfast buffet so large it could rival ones in Vegas.
Just a light breakfast.Chloé Pantazi-Wolber/Insider
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Throughout our stay, we kept pinching ourselves wondering when we'd come back to reality. The beautifully kept resort and attention to detail made us feel like celebrities for a day we won't forget.