Thelife- I started dating my partner when his daughter was 4, and we are now living together.
- His ex-wife mentioned she wanted to take her to the Eras tour, and we were planning to get tickets.
I started dating my partner when his daughter was 4. She's 6 now, and we live together — having her half the time on a week-on-week-off schedule. I love them both so much, and I love the life we've built together.
I don't have children of my own, and I'm the youngest of my siblings, so this is a new world for me. But she is so fun and loving and curiously brave and interested in new things. When she asks if I want to color or play outside, I don't have to fake it. I really do want to color and play outside with her. We genuinely have shared interests, and one of the things at the top of that list is, of course, Taylor Swift.
I was surprised she liked Swift's newest album, Midnights, so much. I loved it, too, but thought the music wasn't fun or upbeat enough for a then-5-year-old to learn all the words to "Snow on the Beach" in a matter of days — but she did.
"We're taking her to a concert," my partner said matter-of-factly one day as we were singing along in the car. And soon enough, Swift's Eras Tourwas announced.
My partner's ex also was trying to get tickets
I got us into the presale, and we were still a few days out from the D-Day that would go down in Ticketmaster infamy when my partner's ex-wife reached out, saying she was trying to get tickets too.
We hadn't yet mentioned to her that we were trying to make concert plans, and since she brought it up first, we thought it was fair that she could take her. We knew how hard it was going to be to get tickets, so we decided we would all try and figure out the rest later.
On the day of the sale, I prepared to be at my computer all day. I set up my work schedule so I could work from home that day and sheepishly canceled a volunteer shift I had that evening at the local children's hospital.
When the virtual waiting room opened, it was clear that shit was hitting the fan at Ticketmaster. I saw dozens of tweets and Instagram stories from my friends bemoaning the queue screen, stating there were thousands of people in front of us.
My partner's ex-wife was about to board a plane with her new husband, returning home from a trip, and would lose her spot in line. At that point, I knew I really had to stick it out and hope for the best.
It took hours before the number of people in front of me decreased, but once that did happen, it moved faster. I was simultaneously looking at seat maps of the stadium, making a Plan A, B, and C.
I got 3 tickets just in case
At some point, I realized in a panic I didn't know how many tickets I was supposed to get. I knew her mom was going to take her, but did she want a third ticket? Taking a 5-year-old to the concert of one of the biggest global pop stars seemed like a lot of work — would she need help?
I decided if I could get three tickets for less than a grand, I would. Finally, I got to the screen letting me choose seats. I quickly got three decent aisle seats — thinking about bathroom breaks — for about $800.
When I saw that sweet "You got the tickets" email, I shouted upstairs to my partner, and he rushed down. We were stoked. No matter what, the girl we love was going to see Taylor Swift.
We told her mom we got three tickets and that she could decide who got the third. We still had to wait about six months until the concert in Houston.
My partner and his ex often teetered between getting along and not getting along. Like so many familial relationships: things are fine until they aren't, but then they're fine again. There were and are disagreements about pickup times, transition days, and scheduling Facetime calls, but eventually, they're resolved.
She and I hadn't made the time to get to know each other. We were cordial and friendly, but there wasn't anything beyond that.
I didn't get to go, but I also totally understand
She gently told me she didn't want me to go to the concert with them, and she didn't really have a reason beyond that. Of course, she was grateful I got the tickets, and she paid me for hers and the third ticket that she gave to a friend.
And while that sucked, and it made me sad, I do understand. It wouldn't have been fun for any of us if we were trying to force something. The most important thing is that their daughter got to go.
As we continue to navigate the dynamics of our joint relationship, I learn how awkward and messy and uncomfortable — and normal — it all is. There aren't blowout fights or over-the-top gestures.
It's real, and it's abundantly clear we all do the best we know how for ourselves — and for the person in the middle of all of it, who matters the most. Like Swift's lyric from "Snow on the Beach" say "it's weird, but beautiful."