- Jessica Pizzo is a mom and perinatal mental health counselor.
- She says the toddler years bring their own challenges.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jessica Pizzo. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When my son was born four years ago, I felt like no one was talking about the challenges I was going through. So, I decided to start a support group for mothers, drawing on my experience as a counselor. Lots of support groups focus on the first year, but I knew the challenges of motherhood extend well beyond that.
I wanted to create a community of moms who could talk about their experiences and work through transitions together. I would love to create a support group for every stage of parenthood, but that's not feasible, so I focus on parents of kids ages 0 to 3.
Running these groups, I see the common issues that emerge for moms of tots. As a professional counselor and a parent who's just made it through the toddler stage, here's what I want all parents of toddlers to know. There's power in simply naming and recognizing these truths.
Relationship changes are normal and expected
The toddler years are full of changes for moms — and other caregivers, but my work centers on mothers. As your child grows, your relationship with them evolves. Your relationship with your partner changes as you navigate parenting and discipline together. You may even have changes in your relationship with friends or family as you set boundaries and become more proactive about the ways that you want your child to be raised.
Prepared to be triggered
There's no way around it: toddler behavior can be triggering. Ask any parent who got their child a snack, simply to have them insist there is no way they'd ever eat that. These moments can make us seethe, you might feel your body become hot and flushed. You may also notice that watching your child brings up memories — good or bad — from your own childhood.
Recognize the ways that toddler parenting challenges you. Talk about them with someone you trust, like your partner or a therapist. When you don't react well, forgive yourself and move on.
You don't have to have it figured out
As your child becomes more independent, you might begin to search for your own identity within motherhood. It's OK to understand that this is a time of flux. Have patience with and compassion for yourself. You don't need to have it all figured out.
Ensure time for self-care
In the grand scheme of things, the infant stage is a sprint, while toddlerhood is a marathon. You have to take care of yourself to get through the long haul.
One of the best ways to do that is by fostering community. There's such power in sharing experiences and getting support from other moms. Look online and at your local community centers for groups where you can connect with other toddler mothers.
Listen to your gut
We're constantly bombarded by images of motherhood on social media. That can lead to pressure, mom guilt, and comparison. But everything you need to know is within you. Trust your gut.
The toddler years are a chance to really explore your beliefs around parenting. As you do that, your confidence will increase, and you'll be ready to handle any challenges that parenting throws at you.