I often take care of my grandchildren. It can be hard being responsible and also the 'fun' grandparent.

• I love seeing my grandchildren frequently, but sometimes I need to enforce some rules.
• I feel like by setting rules, I'm acting like a third parent, and the kids call me "boring."

When my grandchildren are visiting, you can hear me say things like, "Hey, no cookies until you eat your carrots." "Don't push your sister!" "We sneeze into our elbows, not into people's faces." "Fifteen minutes until bedtime." "Only one story tonight."

My three girls and one boy, ages 9, 6, 5, and 3 years old, are lively, opinionated, and rambunctious. So as a grandmother, I sometimes end up having to parent them. There are still a lot of tickle fests, hugs, kisses, and snuggles. But also, I must adhere to a schedule, serve a real meal instead of snacks, get them to activities on time, and, worst of all, get them into bed.

One of my granddaughters recently told me I was "boring." This pronouncement came when I was shuttling her several times a week from camp to swim practice and then home. Sometimes we'd stop for ice cream, but mainly I focused on getting her to the right place at the right time.

Grandparents are good for kids

A 2019 University of Oxford study found children with close grandparent relationships tend to have fewer emotional problems and are better at interacting and maintaining relationships with peers. It also found grandmothers are more nurturing, while grandfathers become mentors.

My other two granddaughters have another grandmother close by. She has held onto her own children's toys, so the girls love playing there. On the other hand, I must haunt listservs, second-hand stores, and Amazon sales to create a fun play space.

Marsha Sheriff, a good friend and a grandmother of four of her own, living in Boca Raton, Florida, single-handedly helped raise these four from birth until preschool age. For much of that time, she burned her candle at both ends as she simultaneously also tended to her aging mother, who had dementia.

"I don't worry if the other grandmother is more fun than I am," she told me.

Her comedically talented younger daughter occasionally comes home from work unexpectedly. She takes videos of her mom passed out on the couch while her toddler plays nearby. She even posts some of these on Instagram with funny comments about her mother's babysitting prowess. But good-natured Marsha does not mind.

"It certainly takes more work to be the parenting grandparent and be fun," she said. "We are always underrated."

Steve Simon, a college friend of mine who lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, has a different take as a grandfather. "I love spending time with our grandsons and seeing them often. They call me Tata, and I love playing with them," he said. "I get on the floor to play, sing silly songs, make up games, and play along with their imaginations. When I see interest, I explore it with them," he added, also saying that when it comes to parenting the kids, he leaves that to the parents, and he focuses on creating good memories.

Grandparents benefit from it too

These "parenting grandparents" need lots of education on bringing up grandchildren. For example, today's grandparents put babies to sleep on their stomachs, and now it is advised to have them sleep on their backs.

So our kids think we are idiots, and sometimes our grandchildren think we are boring. What's in it for us? Well, it turns out plenty, even more than hugs, confidences, and handmade Mother's Day cards. According to a study by the Women's Healthy Aging Project in Australia, close relationships with grandkids reward us with better cognitive skills. "Grandmothers minding grandchildren had higher executive function than those who were not minding grandchildren or who did not have grandchildren," the study said.