I met my husband on reality TV. We've had to turn down opportunities and fight negative comments to protect our soft Black love story.

• Uche Nwosu and Clinton Moxam met on MTV's dating competition show, "Are You The One?"
• The couple faced public scrutiny after leaving the show and are now advocating for more soft Black love stories on TV.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Uche Nwosu, a contestant on season 6 of the MTV show "Are You The One?" It has been edited for length and clarity.

So it's still kind of so crazy to say, but Clinton and I met on a reality show, back in 2017. At the time I felt like I was going through a lot of transitions in my life. I had left Chicago after about seven years and I was kind of at the point where I just wanted to see what was next for me. So I ended up in San Francisco for a few months in the beginning of 2017 and that's when I started the casting process for MTV's "Are You The One."

I honestly went on this show with no intention of finding love. I really was going just to have an experience. Going on the show, I did not expect to meet Clinton, let alone fall for him. He was very persistent and obviously I couldn't fight my feelings for him.

The whole premise of the show is to find your perfect match. There's 11 girls, 11 guys, and allegedly by science, your proven scientific match is in the house. But according to the show, we were not a perfect match. I definitely knew that there was no science involved in creating those matches, because up until it was proven that Clinton and I were not a fit, everyone from production to our castmates were pushing for us to be together. So we followed our intuition and started dating after the show, and here we are close to six years later, married.

A lack of representation

I've always been so fixated on reality TV and I've always seen a lack of representation for Black women. I've seen us painted in a certain light, and it was something I was very conscious of before I went on reality TV myself. During my time on the show, I think they were trying to paint me as the jealous type, when in reality, I was just afraid of getting played by Clinton. And they tried to paint him as a player, when in reality, he stayed persistent in getting to know me. At first, I completely withdrew from him because I was watching every single other person just jump from relationship to relationship and I didn't want that to happen to me. Honestly, if it wasn't for Clinton continuing to be persistent and reassuring me that it's just a show, I don't know if we would be together to this day.

After filming had ended, we got our phones and Clinton and I exchanged numbers. I thought he wasn't going to text me, but to my surprise he reached out instantly. At the time, I went back to Chicago and Clinton packed all of his stuff from New York and drove to Florida to move in with his mom. Honestly, I always say it was God's timing because my family has always been in the Midwest, but my mom, she's a doctor and she had taken an urgent care job in Florida. So I ended up staying with my mom in Florida, which happened to be 50 minutes away from where Clinton's mom lived. Clinton would drive every single weekend to come up and see me. We met each other's families. This went on for about half a year. I always say that was the craziest coincidence and it gave us the time and space to really start dating each other and getting to know each other outside of the show.

Backlash after the show

By the time of the show's reunion, I had been struggling with some of the backlash I had received from fans of the show who met me with colorist remarks and felt Clinton should be with someone of a lighter complexion. I honestly had never experienced hate to that extent before and it took a hit at my confidence. I don't think anything equips you to be judged like that for something you cannot control.

In the end, we were able to get through it. I had the support of Clinton, I had the support of my friends and my family. And at the end of the day, it is more important to focus on love and recognize that you can't control things that ignorant people are gonna say. But at first, it was very hard for me. And at first it was kind of hard for Clinton to understand how hard it was affecting me. I always say it's one thing to be Black on reality TV, but it's another thing to be a Black woman on reality TV. Ultimately, Clinton started to defend me.

He understood the ways in which reality TV portrayed my character, and just kind of went into protection mode. I will forever appreciate that because it takes a lot, especially at the beginning of a relationship, to be able to withstand the obstacles that were coming our way and the outside opinions. It's why we decided, together, to turn down the opportunities that were coming up for us after the show. We knew that we needed time if we wanted our relationship to last. We knew that we needed time away from it all, only sharing what we wanted to share if our relationship had a chance to grow and to really be nurtured. We knew that we had to take a step back, and we took a step back for almost two years. Even today, we don't just jump at every opportunity.

Clinton and I got engaged in 2020 in the midst of the pandemic. He brought me to Malibu, my mom was there, and he ended up proposing on the rocks, overlooking the water. It was one of those days where life felt too good to be true, but it was one of the best days of my life. The other best day of my life happened September 4th, 2021 — our wedding day. We married in Chicago, the city where I grew into myself and where I became an adult.

'Black people can have a soft love story'

I don't want to be on anything ever again that would control our narrative of our story, which is why we utilize social media to show our authentic selves and connect with our audience. While I've talked a lot about the negative reception and hate throughout the show, I can't talk about the show without talking about all the positivity and all the love that we got, and this community that we've built because I really do feel so connected to every single person that has supported us from day one. That's a really big part for us.

When it comes to our experience on the show, and that of other Black people in reality TV, I do think there's been a bit of progress, specifically after 2020. But I do think that there's a lot of work to be done because it's important for us to see representation in a way where Black people can have a soft love story. It does not need to be complicated. It doesn't need to be a love triangle, there doesn't need to be some big adversity that we had to overcome. We are allowed to have a fairytale love story and I really hope that the representation increases. That's why I talk about Clinton and I's experience so candidly because it's okay for there to be a Black love story, period. I am proud of our love story. I'm proud of how we have taken care of this relationship and I want to continue to be open and share that.