I made videos critiquing millennial and boomer parenting styles. The boomers lost it.

• I'm a therapist and made two videos critiquing millennial and boomer parents.
• Millennials were more open to suggestions, and boomers lashed out at me and others in the comments.

I'm a dual-licensed therapist, and I make TikTok videos about relationships, trauma, and self-growth.

I recently watched a viral video in which a millennial parent vented about her struggles with her own parents. In the comments, instead of responding to her, many people were saying that millennial parents were damaging their kids by giving them access to screens.

I didn't think the comments were wrong, but I thought the people writing them were missing part of the picture — millennials also overuse screens. In response, I created a video saying millennial parents' screen time could affect their children's attachment styles.

To my surprise, the millennial parents responded with gratitude and commitment to use their screens less in front of their children.

I accidentally created a social experiment

Inspired by this topic of parent-child relationships, I decided to make a TikTok video about the importance of accountability, this time directed at boomer parents. This one struck a nerve — angry comments from boomers came flooding in.

At the same time, adults came together as a community in the comments section, sharing painful stories of their boomer parents not showing up for them emotionally. I was awestruck by how millennials supported and defended each other.

But I didn't want the defensive and inappropriate comments from boomer parents to go unanswered. They were inappropriate with me and others in the comments — attacking us and name-calling — so I knew I needed to respond.

This is when I realized I had accidentally created a social experiment. After I gave both generations of parents feedback about their parenting, millennials responded with warmth and openness, while most of the boomer parents responded with coldness and close-mindedness.

I didn't mind the hate comments, but I worried for the parents' adult children

I know from my work that defense strategies in relationships tend to be universal, meaning if you lash out at me when I trigger you, you are likely lashing out in the same way with your loved ones. This is known as a coping style. I wanted to show boomers how these coping styles ultimately hurt their relationships and could lead to estrangement from their adult children.

It didn't bother me that viewers were speaking rudely to me. However, I know that if they said these types of things to their children, it probably caused a lot of hurt, no matter the age of their kids.

Boomers are often emotionally closed off, but it's never too late to change this

This inspired me to make a third TikTok video. I wanted the boomer parents to see the cycle of disconnection: When they feel like a bad parent, they disconnect from their child through defensiveness, dismissals, and attacks. But it's not just a boomer issue — any parent from any generation can get caught in that cycle. I think that boomer parents are uniquely vulnerable because, as a generation, they're more emotionally repressed.

History shows us that when baby boomers were growing up, mental health and treatment for mental illness were taboo topics. As a result, boomers often had to navigate mental-health challenges and traumas without the resources and support they needed. So it's understandable that they would have a difficult time expressing emotions and being vulnerable.

This is made even trickier by research that has found repressing your emotions can make you more prone to shame. Shame is the enemy to connection: It closes our hearts from empathizing and prevents our minds from considering someone else's perspective.

I never want a parent's heart to be closed off from their child. I want parents and adult children to know that it's possible to change your relationship, even after many years. I know boomer parents can show up for their children in ways that their children need, but to do that, they need the help and support that they never got.

For the adult children who long for connection, keep supporting each other and breaking the cycle.