I lived paycheck to paycheck after my divorce. By making some tweaks, I was able to buy a home for my kids.

• I got divorced after 13 years of marriage when my kids were 6 and 8.
• I was self-employed when it happened, so I needed to do some planning when it came to paying bills.

As a single parent, I needed to break the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle to provide a steady and positive post-divorce life for my sons and me. By making a plan and staying vigilant, I learned to manage my finances with much less stress.

One day when I was still married, I sat at the kitchen table with the tower of torn bill envelopes, and despair engulfed me. While it wasn't easy to face the debts, I tallied the numbers. Careless spending coupled with other factors eventually led to a legal separation. Then I played a game of financial chess to make minimum payments until the divorce was final to maintain good credit and secure a new home for my boys, then 6 and 8. At the sale of our marital home, all debt payments were sent off to creditors.

It was a fresh start, but to make my new life work, I had to learn to do things differently.

I had to plan and allocate

All bills needed to be considered before I spent anything. Because I was self-employed at the time, I got paid irregularly from numerous clients. When I received payments, I put money aside for estimated taxes and paid the bills — or at least earmarked the money — before I used the remaining funds.

This had been a major stumbling block in my married life. We would get paid and then start spending on stuff we wanted — home and personal items, takeout meals, and entertainment — then came up short on bills.

Part of my journey was creating a monthly expense list on a notepad and reviewing every purchase. I asked myself: Do I need this now? Do I have the money for it? Can I get it cheaper elsewhere or wait?

Today, I use a zero-based budgeting app in which your income minus your expenses equals zero by the end of the month — such as YNAB or EveryDollar — and I enjoy some extras, like dining out and professional hair color and cut, but I plan for it.

I did a credit-card fast

I could not use credit cards for things I didn't have the money for. This sounds simple, but it is harder to do when you are cash-strapped. For almost three years, I used a debit card or cash because I feared my credit use would get out of hand. Now when I use a credit card, I track and allocate the money for purchases immediately in the zero-based budget app — as if I'm using a debit card — and pay the entire balance (not just the monthly bill) each month.

I learned to focus on my goals

After reading countless personal-finance articles, I started to put aside money each month for emergencies. I often took extra freelance assignments to have a small amount to stash away each month.

To stay on track, I reviewed my finances and goals weekly. I read personal-finance books and blogs and listened to money podcasts. I promised myself I'd do better, but this goal had to stay in the forefront of my mind and be practiced regularly to make a difference.

I gave myself some grace

Making and maintaining these positive changes in my financial life have been a process. Setbacks happen. One summer, the air-conditioning and heat system broke, and I could not afford the total price of the new unit, so I financed the purchase. If I already had other high credit balances, I would not have been able to afford the monthly payments. As unexpected expenses like this one arose, I trimmed from other areas of my budget, sought out a better-paying job, or added side gigs to grow my income.

Through the years of this single-motherhood shuffle, I have learned that financial vigilance doesn't have to be hopeless. By focusing on our health and family — and mindfully spending — we made a steady way forward possible.

Lisa B. Samalonis writes from New Jersey. She is at work on a memoir, "Just Three," about single parenting.