- I got married almost four years ago in New York City.
- I still give everyone getting married the same four tips I learned.
I got married almost four years ago in New York City. Even though it was one of the most challenging events to plan, the day itself was nearly perfect and I got to marry the best person I know.
There were a few decisions we made that helped us achieve this level of perfection. Here are my four best pieces of advice for future couples walking down the aisle.
Take 10 minutes alone after the ceremony
My husband and I got married at 501 Union in Brooklyn in 2019. Because we had the ceremony and reception there, our wedding coordinator suggested we take 10 minutes alone together in the backroom bridal suite immediately after our ceremony was over.
While our guests were in the cocktail lounge getting drinks and socializing, our coordinator swiftly led us into the back room where no one — not even our photographers and videographers — could get to us, and brought us two glasses of prosecco and all of the appetizers for us to sample. We toasted ourselves and scarfed down the delicious food.
It was one of the few moments from that day when we were completely alone. We got to talk about our mornings, how the wedding was going so far, and all the little things we had missed with each other. It was easily one of my favorite memories from the wedding and helped me feel much calmer and grounded when we did rejoin our guests.
If you can swing it, hire a wedding coordinator
By far one of the best things we did was get a wedding coordinator to help us through the process.
Planning a wedding is stressful and there are a thousand and one details to consider. Apart from the venue and what you'll wear, you also need to think about your timeline, coordinate with vendors, figure out payment, and make a lot of tiny decisions about how the day will go. And that's not to mention coordinating with family and friends and handling issues that arise on your wedding day.
Our wedding coordinator was helpful throughout the entire process, coaching us on how much things should cost and helping us create a beautiful timeline. On the day of our wedding, she was indispensable by helping set up the space, fixing issues when they occurred, and keeping everyone on schedule. During speeches, she was at hand with glasses of prosecco for toasting. When a seating snafu occurred, she fixed it in a snap. Anything that could have been a problem was solved before we could even see it.
By the end of the night, we had received more compliments on our wedding coordinator than anything else. If you can, hire someone you trust with great reviews, and your wedding day should hopefully run smoothly.
You won't regret bringing a backup outfit, just in case
I loved my wedding dress when I first picked it out, but as I got closer to the wedding date, I started to worry it wouldn't be comfortable the entire time.
My maid of honor suggested that I buy a second dress to change into. I felt guilty after spending so much money on the original dress, but ended up finding a great affordable option under $100. It was sparkly, short, and it wasn't even white. I would absolutely feel comfortable dancing my socks off while wearing it and I wouldn't feel guilty if I spilled on it.
I wasn't sure I was going to wear the dress (or the more comfortable shoes I brought) until the night of the wedding. At the reception, people couldn't help stepping on my dress even when it was bustled, and I was constantly aware of all the glasses of red wine around me. The dress was heavy and I had used fashion tape to make sure it stayed in place all day, all of which was starting to wear on me while out on the hot dance floor.
Surprising everyone with a sneaky fashion change into my short, sparkly number was one of the best moments of the reception. Our guests loved it, and more importantly, so did I.
If you're at all concerned about staying in your wedding attire the entire time, bring a backup option. Bad things can happen to good clothes at weddings. Outfits tear, wine spills, and stains happen. Having a backup dress not only set my mind at ease the whole day, but also helped me let loose when I did finally decide I wanted to change.
Only spend money on things you actually care about
There are a lot of tiny details at weddings that couples end up spending a fortune on. Favors, desserts, late-night snacks, programs … the list goes on.
When we were deciding what to spend and save on, we tried to choose things we would notice and care about. A frequent refrain we asked each other was, "Did we remember this at another person's wedding?" If not, we would skip it, or try to find a cheaper alternative.
For example, we knew guests would throw out our invitations after the wedding, so we found a more affordable option. But for us, food and alcohol were our top priorities, and we didn't hesitate to splurge a little or get extra desserts. We skipped favors entirely and instead had a series of Instax cameras around the venue so guests could take home their own Polaroid photographs and leave us some, too.
Spending money on things we cared about helped us appreciate them more. And at the end of the day, what matters most is what you and your partner will remember. The rest is just icing on your wedding cake.