I downloaded Tinder to find a Paris tour guide. We fell in love, and I just left Texas to be with him.

• Ash Highberger, 30, moved to France from Texas earlier this month after a chance meeting in 2022.
• Highberger used Tinder to find a platonic tour guide and ended up falling in love with him.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Texas native Ash Highberger, a 30-year-old photographer, who moved to France this month. The essay has been edited for length and clarity.

My friend was going to be working at Paris Fashion Week in 2022. He and his partner had room at their Airbnb for another person.

At the time, he thought there was a possibility of me being able to take photos during the week. I bought my ticket just a week and a half before the trip — it was a spontaneous decision.

When we landed, I got word from the event's organizers that I wouldn't be able to work. It turned out they're very selective about who they allow to bring in professional equipment.

My friend and I realized we had to rethink the entire trip. He was working and didn't have time to hang out, and his partner is the kind of person who likes to live like a local when he travels. So I had to do my own solo thing.

I didn't want to stay in the hotel the entire time. I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, but I felt nervous to do anything truly by myself. All of a sudden, I had this idea: What is an easy way to just meet up with a local? Tinder.

I downloaded Tinder to find a tour guide

When we first landed in Paris, we went straight to the train station and entered the city. We sat at a coffee shop, enjoyed a charcuterie board, had some coffees, and even stopped at a little grocery store to buy cigarettes — it was a 'when in Rome' scenario.

I remember all the cars and people were bustling around, and hearing a foreign language spoken fluently for the first time. I didn't know what anyone was saying, but it sounded so beautiful and velvety. It was like a whole new world that was very fun and exhilarating.

I didn't even have Tinder in the States, so when downloading the app, my intention was not romantic. I just wanted to go on a different date every day, and have somebody show me something that they loved about the city.

I expanded my age range and made myself available to both men and women. I would say, "Hey, I'm only in town for a short period, and I'm just looking for someone to show me around."

Of course, my experience of swiping with people was mostly men saying things like, "Taxicab to come to my house?" I was like, "Absolutely f—ing not."

I learned quickly that some people were very romantic. There were a couple of people who had similar interests, but they also ended up soliciting sex. In the first couple of hours, I thought that this probably was not going to work.

But then I got a message from Raphael.

Raphael seemed interesting and trustworthy

Raphael messaged me and said, "I'm here to sign up for the tour guide position."

I asked him, "What would you do if you were here for the first day ever?" He told me, "I would go eat at this market, I would go to this place, I would go here" — essentially giving me a list of things to do in town. I thought, "Okay, finally someone who is not coming at me in an overtly sexual direction."

At first, I assumed, from how fluently he spoke English, that he was either British or American. Surprisingly, he was French. He explained that he learned to speak English by watching movies and TV series, and also by listening to music.

On the second day of my trip, we had a date to meet at the Louvre and went on a big walk.

When I first met him, we hugged, and he felt really awkward. I said, "I'm sorry, I'm used to hugging people I don't know." He explained that in France, people kiss on the cheek. Then he leaned over and gave me two kisses. I blushed so hard.

During our walk, he had so many questions about the US, and I had many questions about France. It felt like there was no pressure or weirdness between us — it was like meeting up with a friend.

I was in a vulnerable position, but I felt totally safe. Still, I had a lot of people in the US watching my location to make sure I didn't get murdered by a random stranger in another country.

During our date, we went to a cafe, and I could barely eat because I was so jet-lagged. I went to the bathroom, and I ended up feeling so nauseated that for 30 minutes I was on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor.

We left the cafe and sat on its curb for two hours. My face was in my hands and he was rubbing my back. He bought me water, strawberries, and medicine. The whole experience was sweet because he was so kind and understanding.

On the third day I was there, Raphael planned an entire day for me to do whatever I wanted. We saw monuments and went to a fashion show so he could meet my friends. They loved him and thought he was very sweet and cool.

On the fourth and last day of my trip, he suggested that, since I was sick for almost half of my time there, I should stay at his place and extend my trip for a week. I was supposed to fly home that night, but I decided to stay.

During that week, we visited Père Lachaise cemetery, mingled with French locals, did the classic Eiffel Tower visit, and strolled from the Grande Arche all the way to the Louvre, hitting various local spots for food and drinks. We had a lot of fun exploring different parts of the city.

The first time we parted ways, it was a sad moment. It was still during COVID, and France was technically still wearing masks. There's a vivid memory I have where he pulled my mask down to give me a kiss. It was like a movie moment.

As we said goodbye, I remember thinking that the entire trip was so fun and that I was happy to have connected with someone. Even so, I realized that Raphael was on the other side of the world and I might never see him again. Still, I cherished the whirlwind moments that I had during that week.

I couldn't get him out of my mind

When I landed back in Texas, I had a message from Raphael saying, "I would love to come to the US if you're comfortable with that." It made me feel like he was putting a lot of effort into me.

We would FaceTime a couple times a week and text every day. It was still complicated because I still had in the back of my head that he was on the other side of the world — how would that even work in a relationship?

In July 2022, four months after we met, he came to the US for the first time.

What Raphael loved most about the US was being able to see how I lived my life. He said, "I know that you don't have the same things or the same extravagance as in France. You don't have an Eiffel Tower or the Louvre, but I enjoy meeting your family, your friends, seeing your work, and getting a glimpse of where you sleep and what your room looks like."

Everything seemed new and exciting to him. I remember when he landed, the first thing he wanted was a picture of himself with a truck because of how big they are. He sent his friends pictures of gallons of milk, saying, "Look at how much milk this is! We don't have this in France."

He was also surprised by how much time Americans spend in the car commuting.

At the end of his first visit, I drove him to the airport and we both sat together crying for an hour — we didn't want him to go home. We decided then we'd be willing to try a long-distance relationship.

We eventually got to a point where we would do three months apart at maximum. He would either come to Texas, or I would go to France.

Long distance is hard, but is so worth it with the right person. When you both can show up with enthusiasm for each other and stay consistent, it can build a lot of trust.

Whenever we hit our year mark in July of 2023, I decided I was going to pull the trigger and move to France.

In September 2023, I applied for a profession liberale, or entrepreneur, visa. It needed a laundry list of things like my tax information, and I needed to be in business already for two years. Within a week of applying, I was accepted — it was such a surprise.

I've started a new life in France

I moved to France on the third of January.

Leaving my entire support system behind, including friends and family, was scary. I was worried I'd be missing out on a lot of things. But I knew if I didn't take this opportunity, I would regret it.

Raphael and I live right outside of Paris in a suburb. We live in a multigenerational family home with his mom, aunt, and sister. It was built in the 1920s and has a loft on the side of it. His family is absolutely welcoming, and they were really excited for me to live with them.

I work for a company that organizes photo sessions booked through a brand. What excites me is that my photography brand has carried over into Paris, allowing me to continue my work.

I feel like people are very safe in France, and I have less anxiety than I did in the US. A lot of the women I've talked to or met up with are comfortable with taking public transit at night.

Still, I've seen incidents of robbery. One time, a man came up behind Raphael and me, grabbing him by the coat. He tried to kick out his legs, but when Raphael turned to him and started speaking French, the guy basically said, "Oh, sorry, I thought you weren't French." I think it happened because tourists are more vulnerable, as they're perceived to have money on them.

When I think back to my first trip to Paris, who knew I would have gone on vacation and then, somehow, the first person I met would become my boyfriend.

You never know where you'll find someone that you're compatible with. I am surprised that I found love on the other side of the world.

I feel sometimes like it's a love straight out of a book, one that I might have to write someday.